LNHY: Girls on Beach Blankets #2: "Something Cool This Way Comes!"

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer at earthlink.net
Mon Sep 18 20:42:23 PDT 2006

[Warning:  This story might not be hardcore enough for Martin Phipps. 
You have been warned.]

Girls on Beach Blankets #2

"Something Cool This Way Comes!"

The temperature of reality was starting to get down.

Get down and boogie.

The beach could feel it.  The beach blankets could feel it.

And the beautiful babes in their skimpy bikinis could feel it as goose 
pimples started to tingle through their skins and spines.

Something cool was coming.  Way cool!

Cooler than Antarctica.  Cooler than an Ice Age.  Cooler than Absolute Zero.

And Yes, even cooler than Frosty the Snowman.

It was a big human like dog.  Wearing a trenchcoat.  And sunglasses. 
And gold chains around his neck.  And a tenor sax.

A dog that had a doctorate in 'Way coolness'.  And he knew how to use it.

And Cherry (the redhead who goes to Harvard Law School) and her friend 
Salsa (lead guitar for an all girl rock band -- See issue #1) could feel 
this coolness coming inside them.  It was coolness so cool it made them 
feel hot.

"Salsa, I'm feeling strange.  I'm feeling so cool that I feel like 
completely stripping out of my bathing suit because I'm so hot!"

"Yes, Cherry, me too!  Wait!  I think I know what's causing it!  Look 
over there!  It's..." Salsa said pointing towards where the coolness was 
coming from.

"Dr. Cool J Dog!" they both shouted together.

"Wow!  I can't believe we're on the same beach and that we're breathing 
the same air!"  Cherry said taking bigger and bigger breaths of air.

"I heard he was gay."

"No!  Not Dr. Cool J Dog!  You must be thinking about Tom Cruise.  Hmm. 
  He's handing stuff out to people.  Ooh!  He's coming over here!"

"Hey, gals.  I guess there's no real need to introduce myself."  Dr. 
Cool J Dog said with a bit of a swagger handing the girls some 
pamphlets.  "I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking you want to 
be cool like Dr. Cool J Dog.  And you're thinking that the only way to 
be as cool as I am is to live my drug orgy lifestyle.  And learn to play 
the tenor sax.  I'm here to tell you you don't have to do that.  There's 
a way to be cool without engaging in the depraved hedonistic things I do 
everyday.  And this way is?  Writing for the LNHY Imprint.  Yes, if you 
write for the LNHY Imprint you'll be instantly the coolest person on 
your street.  Unless you happen to live on my street of course.  Thanks 
for your time.  Be cool."

Cherry and Salsa looked at the pamphlets that the Doctor had given them.

"Yep.  Definitely Gay."  Salsa finally said.

"What a shame."  Cherry sunk down on the beach blanket.

NEXT TIME:  More girls... on beach blankets!
Arthur "Melting" Spitzer

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