META: The Tom Russell Vocab-Story Challenge!

[Martin Phipps]

                                    SUPERFREAKS SPECIAL

9:15 am

  There were three dead bodies in all, each laid on top of the other in
a stack.
  "I didn't see what happened because it happened so fast."
  Detective John Phelps wrote everything down.  "Was there anybody else
here who could tell me what happened?"
  "John, take a look at this victim's nose."
  "My God, I wouldn't have expected seeing anything like that in the
twenty-first century!"
  "Actually, I saw the same thing at a crime scene last week.  Except
the victim wasn't just missing a nose but also a leg."
  "Pepperton hasn't had a case like this for as long as I can
remember."
  Detective Michael King scraped a trace sample from one of the victims
and put it in a plastic bag.  "I'll send this down to Edward and see
what he can figure out."
  "The witness heard screams but the killer had already gone, which
means he was capable of an amazing disappearing act."  John turned to
the witness and said, "If you remember anything else and give us a call
then it would be appreciated."
  "Don't worry, Ma'am, we've got a mountain of evidence here and we'll
nail this guy pretty quick with any luck."

10:15 am

  Michael arrived at the lab and found Edward reading a book.
  "What are you reading now?"
  "Arsenic and Old Lace.  I love detective novels because I figure the
more I read the more I'll master."
  "Oh I see then you're reading old detective novels because you have a
master bait."
  If this were a comedy then you'd hear the sounds of crickets at dusk.
 In truth the room was so quiet that one could probably hear the
movement of a spider.
  Edward finally said, "I don't get your meaning."
  "Never mind," Michael said, looking like a cat who'd had somebody
step on his tail.  "Anyway, it isn't for reading books that you make a
lot of dough.  Here, I've got some trace samples from this morning's
triple homocide and I'm going to leave them here on your desk.  It
looks a lot like the murder from a few days past."
  "Do you think it's the same killer or somebody trying to copy?"
  Michael shrugged his shoulders and said, "Wouldn't it be great if one
of the victims could come back and testify in court as a ghost?"

11:01 am

  Jack Greenspan's parents had wanted him to be a surgeon.  When he
went to medical school, however, he soon found that he couldn't stand
the sight of blood.  He angsted about what he was going to do for many
moons.
  One day, while he was in Israel, many people died when a Palestinian
terrorist walked into a local McDonalds and exploded a bomb.  That
particular incident was a severe blow to the government's attempts to
bring about peace.  That was the day that he realized that he wanted to
become a medical examiner so that he could investigate how people died
and let their families know what went wrong.
  Michael walked into the morgue, saw his friend deep in thought and
said, "You look like somebody stole your baseball cap."
  Jack gave Michael a quizzical look and said, "I don't understand your
statement."
  Michael then briefly got the eerie feeling that somebody beyond the
fourth wall was feeding him nonsensical dialogue and that made him
squirm.  "There was a triple homocide this morning at the Pepperton
National Bank, the local branch."
  "Yes, I know, because they brought in the three bodies this morning
and placed them over there, " Jack said and so Michael looked in the
direction he was pointing.  It was a truly macabre sight because right
in the corner there was where the guys in the morgue had hung the
Christmas wreath.  "If there was only one killer then we should give
him a prize.  A prize for setting a new record at killing people so
quick!"
  Michael was concerned about Jack and said, "It isn't like you to act
like a clown."
  Jack nodded and said, "It's just that seeing all this carnage makes
me stop and think
  "I know what you mean," Michael said, pointing to his bullet proof
vest.  "I consider this vest to be a blessing.  It's great in the
winter because it's nice and thick.  Plus, it's made of kevlar and not
paper."
  Jack sensed that there was something odd about the way the detective
was speaking so he decided to change the subject and said, "I was able
to reenact what happened at the crime scene using this baseball bat and
this pumpkin."
  Michael agreed that one of the victim's head did resemble the
destroyed pumpkin but there was still something bothering him: "How do
you explain the way their skin was peeled?"
  Jack nodded and said, "It looks at though somebody took a knife and
started cutting pieces of skin from their heads, starting at the very
top.  And look here: the bruises on the skin suggest that this victim
was hit by a coke bottle."
  "So basically what we're looking for is one killer or several killers
who used at least one baseball bat, a knife and a coke bottle to commit
three murders in the space of a few seconds before the witness could
arrive on the scene and see what was happening," Michael managed to say
quickly and all in one breath.
  Jack picked up a scalpel because there was some trace powder on one
of the victims that he wanted to collect.  "It looks like cocaine," he
said and his heart sank into a deep abyss.

12:50 pm

  Things had changed a bit at the precinct for Mary ever since she
became Edward's main squeeze.  It was nothing she couldn't handle
because her love for him knew no limits.  Plus he was great in bed: who
knew the nerd in the lab was such a chameleon!  She looked down at her
ring and saw the tiny diamond.  She looked down at her ring and
thought, "If we get married in a church then we could have church
singers singing in chorus!"  She smiled and said, "Wouldn't that be
glorious!"
  Michael laughed and said, "Talk to yourself often?"  He stood there
with his hand on his holster like a wild west gunfighter.
  Mary changed the subject by saying, "I figured out what the murder
weapon in the Bingham case was: it was a brick.  Some bastard hit Mr.
Bingham with that brick so many times that his brains ended up looking
like Quaker Oats."  Mary found the job disgusting but she was so good
at her job that she never thought about quiting.
  Michael was impressed but he had to ask, "How could you tell that it
was a brick and not a stone?"
  Mary shivered just then because she suddenly felt cold.  "I know what
you mean, because either way Bingham is just as dead.  But we were able
to find some trace samples in the victims head that we were able to
match with the bricks at a local construction site: the bricks and the
traces were the same shade of pink."
  "Sweet!  Did you find any fingerprints or do you think the killer was
wearing gloves?"
  Mary shook her head and said, "All I know is that the wounds to Mr.
Bingham's head looked like deep chasms."  She sighed and said, "Even if
Mr. Bingham hadn't died he would have been left a vegetable."

Okay.

Anything in the rules that says that it has to be a complete story with
an actual ending?

Martin