LNH: A Journey Through the Mind of the Seemingly Unstable

Tarq mitchell_crouch at caladrius.com.au
Mon Nov 6 23:05:28 PST 2006


Contempo Weapons Lad grimaced as another body was added to the stack.
Being on the bottom as he was, it seemed as though they were getting on
pretty fast. Metro Grill jumped on, and he let out an "Oof!" as he was
pushed down.

.o( Why does this have to happen?) he thought miserably as blood
dripped out of his nose. Stacks-On was fun, sure, but it felt like he'd
been under there for a century.

Nothing had happened that had required the intrepid hero team for a
week. They'd finally mailed their application forms off to the LNH, in
the States, but the postage stamp alone had cost an arm and a leg.
Contempo Weapons Lad reminisced about the good old days when he had
worked solo, but then Pow Bang Wham jumped on the pile, and he found it
very hard to remember...

CWLad's eyes jolted open, and he pulled something off his face - a
paper bag. He no longer felt as though he was just an observer of his
own life, but rather as though he were on the inside looking out. For
possibly the first time in his life, he didn't know how to act.

He looked around a wide, green meadow in amazement, and learnt the
beauty of how to appreciate. He ran over to a small crystal-clear pool,
and looked down, witnessing one of his earliest meetings with bad luck.

CWLad was back at his first day at school, and Billy the bully had just
smashed him in the face with a book.

.o(Aah, but I can fight back now!) thinks a vengeful CWLad as he grabs
Little Sally's dress and rips off the lace. .o( Oh yeah - now _I'm_
the master!)

He wrapped the lace around Billy's neck, and he gagged like a worm
being used as bait. Billy choked and spluttered and kicked, and CWLad
just watched angrily as his eyes went down, like the sun during dusk.

Suddenly, it was Christmas, and he was unwrapping his Secret Santa
present that he remembered far too well -- a deadly red back spider.
With his now-adult mind, his child self grasped a whole new meaning.
They had tickled him, the scorpion, and it was time for him to flick
his tail.

He grabbed his sharpened lead pencil, and stabbed Billy again and
again, as if he were kneading dough. When he was done, he grabbed Billy
by his hair, and slammed his face into the desk. He was enjoying
reliving his past!

Then the world was black, and he was looking at himself -- a copy.
"You're not real," the copy hissed, "you're just a ghost..."

"Actually, I'm a-" CWLad paused to examine himself, before continuing,
"...a surgeon?"

Suddenly, the Alternate Weapons Lad jumps at Contempo Weapons Lad,
drawing first blood. Contempo Weapons Lad looked around for a weapon,
he found that his only saving grace was his moon.

Alternate Weapons Lad reeled back, covering his eyes from the ghastly
sight as he spluttered, "Oh, gosh, that's a bomb!"

And thus was the empty void brought into a new age of peace. Contempo
Weapons Lad looked around at the world that seemed so very... wrong. He
considered this, and put on his proverbial thinking cap.

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours, and they all
flew by without so little as a statement. But eventually, even the
immovable Contempo Weapons Lad and his alternate self began to squirm.

Alternate Weapons Lad pulled out a branch. He began playing with it
idly, the game seeming to have no point. They sat there in relative
silence for another half hour or so, and then AWLad pulled out a
wreath. Contempo Weapons Lad eyed his prize.

.o( I should make my move now -- quick! )  He reached across and stole
the sharp branch off of the doppelganger clown.

Alternative Weapons Lad piped up, "Now listen, I don't think --"

And then the branch went through him, straight through his monotone
grey vest. AWL paused, and then murmured, "I can only thank God for
this blessing."

Contempo Weapons Lad stood uneasily over his dead counterpart -- their
blood, after all, had been very, very thick. He paused, and then from
his own pocket, pulled out some paper.

He wrote sincerely on it, "To the world he was a puppet. To me, he was
a pumpkin."

He took a step towards the corpse, then slipped comically on a banana
peel. Suddenly, a world began to manifest itself around CWLad,
beginning from the bottom, and working its way up to the top. Right in
front of him appeared a giant squeezy tomato sauce bottle.

The bottle said, "Contempo Weapons Lad!" and then had to take a massive
breath. "What do you collect?"

There was a long silence, and CWLad moaned, "What is _wrong_ with this

"Give me a squeeze!"

Contempo Weapons Lad walked away as calmly as he could, his sanity
beginning to reach its limit. He walked a long way, through a familiar
looking meadow, passing trees, rabbits, rocks, and even a chameleon.

There, in the middle of the field, was a massive diamond. CWLad picked
it up curiously, and moved it around, light bouncing off it in a
colourful chorus. His wits were almost overthrown by the glory.

.o( Now this is something you don't see very often... )

Suddenly, the diamond's brilliance was gone, the colour shot away like
a long-gone gunfighter. In his hand he held instead a brick. Contempo
Weapons Lad grimaced, and cursed, "Offal oats!"

He looked around the meadow sadly, looking for some way to quit.
Eventually, however, his gaze was drawn back to the stone. It was cold.
It was dead. It was even, he thought, a little bit pink.

He wandered further, and chanced upon a massive whole in the ground,
which smelt oddly sweet. Contempo Weapons Lad leaned forward, and took
off his left, and then his right, glove.

He began to slowly descend the chasm. When he reached the bottom, he
found himself gaping in wonder at a giant vegetable.


Okay, I think that this thing's only saving grace is that it was better
than my first attempt.
However, it _can_ be viewed as a useful, education experience, from
which we learnt two things:

1. I need more practice at this sort of thing. Desperately.
2. One and a half hours is not nearly enough time to make this sort of
thing comprehendable.

For everyone who hasn't entered yet but is planning to, please, I
beseech you, keep that last one in mind.


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