LNH/NTB: An Obnoxious Guy in Spandex Fighting Guys in Trenchcoats Fighting Ninjas # 1

[Tom Russell]

An Obnoxious Guy in Spandex Fighting Guys in Trenchcoats Fighting
Ninjas # 1

   Grammer Lad clears his throat before addressing the reader.
   "Ahem.  Actually, if you want to be grammatically correct, the
plural of ninja is ninja."
   An army of trenchcoated men smoking cigarettes pulled out their
sub-machine guns and aimed at the little man's head.  A horde of ninja
descend from the maple trees, slowly floating down amid a cloud of
spinning fresh ninja bush, their katanas and nunchuckus raised high
above their head.
   They float there for a while, because ninja just plain look cool
when they're in mid-descent, katanas and/or nunchuckus raised high
above their head.
   Grammer Lad cleared his throat again.  "But, uh, in this case, I
might be able to make an exception.  Carry on..."

   "My wayward son," said the Dark Lord of the Ninjas, greeting his
twenty-year old scion with a manly ninja-like hug.  A hug so manly, and
so Ninja-like, that it involved shurikens.  The Dark Lord of the Ninjas
collapsed, his body mysteriously turning to dust, leaving only his
black pajamas.
   "There'll be peace," snarled his son.  He nodded towards two of his
father's retainers, ordering them in a silent, Ninja-like fashion to
dispose of the body.  "When you are done," he added, "lay your weary
head to rest."
   The son of the Dark Lord of the Ninjas sat in his father's throne.
No.  Not his father's throne.  His throne.  For he was now Kansas--
Dark Lord of the Ninjas!
   And before the night was through, he would obliterate both of his
clan's blood enemies: the Sans S Grammatically-Correct Ninja...
   ... and the Net.Trenchcoat Brigade.
   He would pit them, once against the other, and then unite them under
one banner.  His banner!  All his hard work, all the time he spent
infiltrating the various NTBs in the world, would finally pay off.  And
he had done it all for his mother.
   She put a tender, Ninja-like hand on his shoulder, and he looked up
into her eyes.  They were wet with tears, not tears of mourning for the
death of her husband, but tears of joy, of pride.  Kansas wiped her
eyes dry.
   "Don't you cry no more."

NEXT TIME: Masquerading as Man With a Reason

WHAT WILL BECOME OF GRAMMER LAD?

WHO CREATED GRAMMER LAD, ANYWAY?

HE'S NOT DEAD OR OTHERWISE RESERVED, IS HE?

WILL KANSAS SUCCEED IN HIS HEINOUS PLOT TO OBLITERATE THE TRENCHCOATERS
AND THE NINJA BY PITTING THEM AGAINST ONE ANOTHER?

OR WILL THE TRENCHCOATERS AND THE NINJA FORM AN UNLIKELY ALLIANCE, LIKE
IN Alien Vs. Predator, WHEN THE HUMAN AND THE PREDATOR TRY TO DESTROY
THE QUEEN?

WAIT, I THOUGHT PREDATORS HATED THE COLD!  BUT IT TOOK PLACE ON
ANATARTICA?  WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

WHY IS IT CUSTOMARY TO USE CAPS FOR THESE QUESTIONS?  THEY'RE GETTING
KIND OF ANNOYING.

WHO WILL WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER OF THIS STORY?

WILL IT BE... YOU?

WILL THIS BE THE FIRST CASCADE TOM RUSSELL'S STARTED THAT ACTUALLY WENT
SOMEWHERE?

Find out in An Obnoxious Guy in Spandex Fighting Guys in Trenchcoats
Fighting Ninjas # 2: Masquerading as a Man with a Reason... coming
soon... maybe... if someone writes it!

(C) COPYRIGHT 2006 TOM RUSSELL.

Grammer Lad: creator unknown.