LNH: The Ninja Remembered

Tom Russell milos_parker at yahoo.com
Tue May 16 07:39:04 PDT 2006

a KILLFILE WARS add-on event

   Mr. Elision blipped back into existence.  Checking his watch, he
found that, as anticipated, he had ellided eight years of real-world
time.  He wasn't sure how that scoped out in Legion time: time in the
Looniverse was a fluid thing.  For some characters, a year was a year;
for others, it was a few months or a few days.  Yet somehow, a
character who had aged eight years during his absence often teamed-up
with a character who had hardly aged at all.  For some characters, all
of history could be collapsed into the last ten years.  He had long
since stopped trying to figure out how all this reconciled; after all,
the last eight years had been a matter of seconds for Mr. Elision.
   In a world where time was inconstant and the rules of basic phsyics
suspect (bad enough that quantum mechanics all but invalidated them,
but they could also be circumvented if it was funny to do so), there
was only one thing that was immutable: death.
   (Well, actually, death was pretty mutable too, what with people
always coming back from the dead.  But for the sake of argument, and
Mr. Elision's current visage of grim reverence, let's all just assume
that death is immutable.)
  ... there was only one thing that was immutable: death.
  And that's why he had come here, to this night, to this place.  2006.
 The Hall of Lost Heroes.
   He noted, with a slight nod, the memorial to those lost during the
fourth Flame Wars; he felt a slight pang at the sight of a small plaque
memorializing Pants Rabbit Lad, and briefly touched the short and
curlies pinned to the wall.  With another nod, he honoured those fallen
heroes; and though one couldn't be sure, as his fedora cast a deep
shadow over his eyes, he might have shed a tear for the death of Scary
Ghost Lass, only nine-years-old when the loss of her life set others
upon a journey into irrelevancy.
   But that's not why he was here.  He was here for the Ninja.
   The Ultimate Ninja, murdered by the daughter of Dr. Killfile.
   The Hall was empty, save for Domestic Lad and a simian that Mr.
Elision didn't recognize off-hand.  The two of them were setting up a
statue of the Ninja, and hanging a plaque.
   Mr. Elision got their attention simply by standing next to them, and
the three acknowledged one another with polite, efficient nods.  Mr.
Elision read the plaque--

   o restless woodchuck
   you could chuck wood, you could, you...!
   hibernate, dear friend

-- and, after giving it, too, a nod, cleared his throat to speak.
"Isn't it customary to wait?  In case he comes back?"
   "Yessir," said Domestic Lad.  "But we reckoned since there be two
other Ninjas..."
   "The plural is Ninja."
   "We reckon since there're two other ones,  the chances of this one
comin' back are close to nil."
   "Two others," said Mr. Elision, hiding his confusion with a comely
   "In fact," said Domestic Lad, "there's a bettin' pool goin' 'round
as to which one'll go next.  We've designated 'em as UN-red and
   "One wears red, and the other blue?"
   "No.  We just call 'em that, is all.  No way to really tell 'im
apart.  They're all the same, right down to their personality."

   " this one was my friend
     we drank tea in his garden
     breathed the thinning air "

   "Well, maybe, Haiku," said Domestic Lad.  "Guess I never looked at
it quite that way before."
   "My sympathies," said Mr. Elision.  He snapped his fingers, and was
   "Hmm.  Reckon what that was all about?"

   " a moth, bewildered
     the sudden winter brings death
     my money's on blue "


Ultimate Ninja: wReam.
Domestic Lad: Ken Schmidt.
Mr. Elision, Haiku Gorilla: Tom Russell.


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