LNH: Vel #15

[martinphipps2 at yahoo.com]

Tom Russell 寫遢：

> The conclusion itself I have a problem with:
>
> > 	Ja'Khalleem leaned down to do another test.   Suddenly he began
> > floating to the ceiling.    Instruments and equipment went flying
> > through the air.   He quickly dodged the overhead lamps and became
> > crushed against the ceiling.
> >
> > 	"I think this is just the start," Ja'Khalleem said.
> > 	"Can't you whip us some power dampening drug?" Jen asked.
> > 	"No... even if I could reach the ground, the drugs could harm the
> > baby," he said.
> >
> > 	Stomper walked in with his scan thingee.
> >
> > 	"And if you don't administer it... you could kill them both,"
> > Stomper said.
> >
> > 		To Be Continued.......
>
> ... and my problem isn't with the scene itself.  It's a fine scene,
> very tight.  My problem is that, as an ending, it's a bit of a
> disappointment.  I know Jesse likes cliffhangers and I don't, and so
> maybe this is just my personal preferences coming to the fore.  But
> here goes anyway:
>
> Jesse does follow a sound structural instinct here.  Cross-cutting
> cannot be sustained for any great length of time (Aldous Huxley more
> than proved that in Brave New World) and must quickly build to a
> conclusion.  And Jesse does that:  Stomper's final line is exactly the
> right place to stop cross-cutting, because at this point, the
> Seductress line of action becomes more compelling than Vel's.  However,
> I don't think it's a proper place to end the episode _itself_, as the
> sort of sudden dead-stop is somewhat jerky.
>
> If the story had continued at this point, the focus shifting to
> Seductress or the two lines of action combining into one, the resulting
> storytelling would benefit greatly from the momentum of the
> cross-cutting (momentum and suspense being the two main products and
> reasons to cross-cut), it would push it forward.  And then the story
> could build to either a conclusion, or a more satisfying cliffhanger
> that side-steps the "dead stop" feeling.  But that's me.

Maybe it would have been better like this:

> > 	"And if you don't administer it..."
> >           "Yes...?" Ja'Khalleem asked.
> >           "You could kill them both."

Followed by DA DA DA DUMMM!!! and the name of the executive producer.
:)

Personally, I would have gone for two cliffhangers, one for each
stream, so that, as you say, when Vel #16 comes out people are still
interested in Vel and it hasn't become The Adventures of Seductress and
Doctor Stomper. :)

Martin