MISC: Super Stomach Girl #4 - You Knew the Job was Dangerous When You Took It

[Tom Russell]

Jerry wrote:

> I found that this one was best for getting a solid review
> of my writing style, looking to improve it.

If you had made that statement four or five years ago, I would have
asked if we were on the same newsgroup. :-)  But it's true, RACC
interaction is on a definite upswing, with more people commenting on
stories, even writing stories _as_ comments on stories.  And that's a
good thing, in my estimation.

I think the best way to guaruntee that you'll get yourself some reviews
and comments, is to give reviews and comments to others.  I've been
very lucky this past year, I've been blessed with more comments than I
thought I'd ever have.  And I want to thank everyone for it-- it's been
tremendously helpful-- but there are many other authors, just as good
and better, who probably aren't getting as many comments.  Be sure to
drop them a line, too.  Let's spread some of that love around.

.
>
> I had looked into posting it in one of those Groups, to get writing style
> feedback. But as you said, it didn't seem to fit in any of them. On the other
> hand, if you have any suggestions about where this type of story is more apt
> to fit in, I'd welcome them. I'm always looking for reviews and especially
> critiques of my stories from a writing perspective.

I actually think this is probably the best place for it-- I think it
fits here quite nicely.

Just about everyone who writes here writes something different, and
it's nice to see that.  There are no generics here, everyone stays true
to their muse, and I eagerly await the next installment of many series.

(Speaking of which, are Jochem Vandersteen and Rick Hindle still with
us?  Haven't seen anything in a while, and I hope we haven't lost them.
 I really enjoyed the Goddess and the Bomb, and Godling was one of the
main reasons I wrote the Wish Fulfillment essay and talked about it
therein.)

> The shift to third person was an afterthought. I had originally written this
> issue (and most of the previous one) in the first person, from Roz's point of
> view. I also wanted to tell parts of it from Kara's point of view, so I
> switched to hers at appropriate points. After getting more than half done with
> it, I re-read it, and decided I should be using the third person. So I went
> back and revised it that way. So overall, I'm not too satisfied with these
> issues, as I know I would have done a better job if I had started out in the
> third person at the beginning.

I actually think the start in first person was nice; it makes the
reader more aware of the shift.  If you had started in third person,
when the focus shifted to Kara, the reader might not have gone along
with you on it, or they might have been wondering when they were going
to get back to Roz and the "real story".  The formal shift prepared us
for the focal one.

But I understand your discomfort with it: I have similiar discomfort
with the shift from third person to second between the first and second
issues of my SPEAK!  (Not as much discomfort, though, as some people
had with the thing being written in second-person.) :-)

> Kara was not the original focus of the story. She was just going to be a
> sidekick (in fact, the third issue was going to be titled just that). She was
> going to be an Oracle-type character, advising but never participating. But as
> I started writing for her, her whole character evolved, and her deep-seated
> fetish came out all by itself. Kara's  true nature was hidden to me, that is
> until I started to write her sections. Then she just took over.

I think this happens to us all from time to time, especially if it's an
interesting character.  Harry Cash pretty much took over SPEAK! for a
while, and Jesse Willey said the reason he started writing ONION LAD
was because that character was threatening to take over VEL.

Life is casual and full of surprises; so is good fiction.  I'm very
glad that both you the writer and we the readers discover the magic
that is Kara at the same time.  It's a very genuine and special thing,
and if you had tried to rewrite the story to introduce her earlier, I
don't think it would have had nearly the same effect.  Letting her take
over, in just the way that she did take over, was precisely the right
choice, in my estimation.

> Thank you again, Tom. I've been writing for about 6 years now, mostly obscure
> stuff, in a pen name (we won't go into that now). Since I'm 59, I started

59?  Wow.  I think that makes you our oldest RACCer.  I never would
have figured from reading this.  Good writing is good writing, no
matter the age of the author, but this really felt like a young man's
work.  Not just because of the superhero genre and the fetish angle of
it, but the style was very fresh, a lot of verve.

> I usually don't plan out an issue, other than having a general idea what it is
> about. So, as with Kara, I don't really know where this series will go.

I'm the same way.  Usually, I have a general plot outline, but I almost
never stick to it.  I recently began a series called THE NOSTALGICS,
which is a bit of a murder mystery: we know _who_ did it, what remains
to be seen is _why_, _how_, and the identity of the victim.  And, to be
brutally honest, I have no idea what the answer is to those three
questions.  But that's what makes it fun. :-)

> I'm always willing to accept criticism on my writing style, especially if you
> can point out what I'm doing wrong and how it should be done (or how you would
> do it). That's what I'm here for, to improve my writing.

Like I said before, there's a sense of community and interaction slowly
growing over the last couple months.  Hopefully, it's here to stay in a
big way.  But even if it isn't-- even if the only comments are those
from Stalwart Saxon Brenton's End of Month Reviews-- keep writing and
posting.  Writing is its own reward.
> 
> Thanks again,
> 
> Jerry

Tom