LNH: Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 2 #13

Jesse Willey cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
Tue May 2 03:14:56 PDT 2006

> They're all pre-established characters.  Let's see:

   Actually, this marks the first (but not only)
appearance of The Nine to Five Guy.     

>    So, now you know who three of the players are.  I
> could go through
> the list and tell you who all the rest are, but,
> since Jesse never
> bothered to, why should I?  The reader is given
> absolutely no
> information as to who all these people are, what
> their back story is,
> and MORE IMPORTANTLY, why they're all after the
> baby.

   Because it is secondary.  It's just an excuse to
blow shit up.   I admit it.   

>    The baby-- Sylvia MacGuffin-- is just that: a
> MacGuffin, a plot
> device used so the story has something to revolve
> around, like some
> secret microfilm.  Now, when you see a spy movie,
> the movie isn't about
> the secret microfilm: it's about the heroes and
> villains trying to get
> a hold of the secret microfilm, and what happens in
> that struggle.


>    Okay, I'll cop to that much: the baby isn't as
> important as the
> struggle.  But here's the thing: if we're not told
> until nearly the end
> of the story *why* everyone is after the baby, if we
> have no concept of
> what is at stake, then the struggle is meaningless
> and confusing.  So
> maybe it's better that Jesse never tells us who any
> of the characters
> are: it doesn't really matter.  Brain-O could be
> Brain-O or Jell-O or
> Bob Oderkirk.  He's just a puppet, a pawn to be
> moved about on the
> board, in this game of baby-catch.

   It was really that the story was cruising on 11
pages as it was.  If I added the exposistion and
explainations for everything then it would have gone
on for 11 more pages.

>   Look, I know Vel is a dorf.  I know Dorfs get
> really pissed.  I know
> dorfs are really mean and violent.  But: this is the
> Ultimate Ninja
> we're talking about here!
>    Maybe Jesse's trying to show us just how mean and
> pissy Vel can be--
> he's so mean and pissy that even the Ultimate Ninja
> shakes in his
> little black ninja booties!  But this is so
> blatantly out of character
> for the Ninja.  He hasn't been written this badly
> since Tom Russell
> gave him a niece (Ultimate Nina, for the morbidly
> curious).

   Remember, one of the Vels was the one who chopped
off his hand.   And he keeps all his weapons and
technology in diplomatic pouches.  The implication
being that Ninja didn't really ask to borrow the
sword.   And as shown in Onion Lad... Vel wouldn't
even blink about trying the theft under Dorfan law.  
Which means limited right to due process, no
protection against self-incrimination and anything
from indentured servtitude to death by dehydration as
    Vel id physically very strong.  He can lift a
vintage volkswagon beetle.   He fights with any
advantage that is given to him.   He fights hand to
hand, armed, with science and the legal system.  

   Plus, due to his treatment prior to Vel #0, Vel has
the ground for a civil action discrimination lawsuit
that he could bring at anytime to bankrupt the entire
organization.   He is quite possibly a bigger threat
to the LNH than any villain they've fought.  But at
least for now, he's on their side. 

   But all this is neither here or there because Vel
doesn't even appear in this story.   So that whole
half a page of explaination would have been wasted

>    Touching on execution, structurally: there's no
> sense of beginning,
> middle, and end in this story, or in many of Jesse's
> stories, truth be
> told. 

    With this story that was intentional.  If this had
been System Corruptors I would have focused on the
villains point of view.   The beginning happened
before the start of the story.  

> Where's the drama?  The awe?
> And that's it.  That's the death of Captain
> Pathetic.  It should be an
> important scene.  A set-piece.  Perhaps some
> emotional resonance.  If
> you're going to kill off a character, that death
> should *mean*
> something, damn it!

  Captain Pathetic was as you said... pathetic.  In
order to be true to the character his death would have
to be unawe inspiring, undramatic and ultimately no
one would really care.   That's the joke.  Or at least
it was funny to me.  

> ... and to the next scene.  The next story.  If I
> had written this
> story, I would have paused here.  Given the Captain
> a proper death.
> Allowed the reader some time for reflection.  Some
> time for this all to
> sink in.

   Personally, I don't think that type of death is
appropriate to that type of character.  If you set him
up to be unnoticed and pathetic when they're alive...
then a direct consequence nobody notices when they
die.   Some would call that tragic... but in fiction,
I don't know.   


>    But public domain doesn't mean that you can cut
> off a character's
> hand, make them gay, or kill them.  (And, again, in
> my defense: Frat
> Boy *wasn't* gay by the end of LNH vol. 2 # 10.  It
> was Saxon and Jamas
> who brought that back.  Though I'm kind of glad they
> did.  It's an
> interesting direction for the character and it kinda
> sorta gets me off
> the hook. :-)  )

   Hey, I triplicated Ultimate Ninja (two with hands) 
because people complained that I broke the wReam
clause.   He'll back back to normal soon enough.

> But as for Captain Pathetic...
>    ... you didn't ask, Jesse.

  And with a character who, by your OWN admission, was
created as a pseudo-flame... why should I?   Turnabout
is fair play.

> Captain Pathetic doesn't have the power to be
> completely useless.  He
> has the power to be a loser.  To be the most
> loserly-loser that ever
> lost.  To be, in essence, pathetic.

  Being a useless and be a loser are incredibly
similar.   One does not become a loser if they feel
society has a place for them.   

>    This story-- or at least the death of Captain
> Pathetic contained
> herein-- is hereby elsewhirled.

   He's a public domain character.   You can't just
retcon OTHER people's stories.  You can't put genie's
back in the bottle after the fact.  You want to bring
him back THEN reserve him, fine.  

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