REPOST: LNH: Saviors of the NET #2: Very Disturbed Scary Creature Man

[Arthur Spitzer]

Author:    Sam Vimes
Email:     mlmcmull at olemiss.edu
Date:      1998/10/03
Forums:    rec.arts.comics.creative

                     Saviors of the Net #2:
                Very Disturbed Scary Creature Man
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    There was a shadow, and there was something lurking in that shadow.
Whatever it was had many, many eyes. Cowardly Lott was suddenly very afraid.
He was only a petty criminal as far as the grand scheme went, and being such
he had limited experience with the supernatural. The fact was that the
limited experience with suffixed natures of any kind was getting beat up by
them.
    Lott shook as he backed up, glancing down at the bag of loot that was in
his hand. What was it? Money? Jewelry? He couldn't remember; his only
ability was appearing at potential crime scenes moments after being put in
jail and seconds before some gallant hero showed up.
    "Wh-who are you?" he warbled, as he always did in the presence of a
threat, "What do you want?"
    "whaaat do I waaant," replied the shadow, "let's seee..." The owner of
the hiss stepped from the shadows and Cowardly almost had a heart attack.
What disturbed and scary creatures!!! They were all over him, and seemed as
much a part of him as the "PostRemovedFromServer" cape that hung like a limp
soul from his shoulders. He moved faster than a lazy-eye could follow and
pick the criminal off the ground while at the same time managing to appear
hunched and lurking.
    In some horrifying way the man's features brightened and Lott thought he
might lose his lunch right there. "i know! i want to stop you from striking
fear into the hearts of innocents all over the NET, and i want you to tell
your friends about me." Lott's eyes bugged out for a moment, and the man
dropped him to the ground. Cowardly scrambled for a purchase on the asphalt
a thought occurred to him.
    "What do I tell them?" he asked curiously.
    "hmmm...tell them that i'm a nice, funny guy that likes moon-lit walks
on the WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD TELL THEM?!?" the small man was
obviously disturbed, "look at my back! look at my face! what do i look like?
i'm very Disturbed Scary Creature Man!" Lott just stared, wide-eyed.
    "You," he gasped, not realizing he was speaking aloud, "are my worst
nightmare." Very Disturbed Scary Creature man looked thoughtful and
shrugged.
    "that'll do. now before you go, want to buy a t-shirt?"

    Back at LNH headquarters each Savior of the NET had been assigned two
LNH members to watch over them. All were crowded around the various screens
as the Saviors went about daily activities, and all stared open-mouthed.
    "He let Cowardly Lott go!" came a voice from the back, "No one's ever
done that before! It's not fair! Why didn't we ever think to threaten him
like that?"
    "Because," came a calmer and more scholarly voice, "We don't have the
same technology as Dr. Net.ropolis, as Mr. Scary Creature Man pointed out to
Lott, and can't redirect the little thief's abilities so that the next time
he is put in a cell he will appear in his mother's house seconds before a
family reunion."
    "Run-on sentence," came a small voice.
    "What?"
    "It was a run-on sentence."
    "Oh shut up!"

    Lott looked at the other criminals around the table and shook his head.
    "And the next thing I know I've ordered shirts for all of us, with these
really cool mugs to go with 'em," he smiled as he passed the items around
the table, and there were appreciative nods, "As you can see, they're going
to be a problem."

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Sorry if I stepped on any toes.

Next: Someone else please add, and feel free to correct me if I've made a
grievous error.
--
Mike McMullan
Master of the Inane
"I hate people, yet I love
gatherings. Isn't it ironic?"
--Clerks
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NEXT TIME: Saviors of the NET #3: Getting to Know You
                     By Steven Howard
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