RACCCafe: RACCQuest, part 2

Tom Russell milos_parker at yahoo.com
Thu Mar 16 09:47:22 PST 2006

> 	"Then it's settled!" said Masterplan Lad.  "We'll need at least one
> other party member, of course.  You usually go in with seven, or nine
> if we're emphasizing the fantasy quest aspect of this story over the
> superhero aspect.  Five is all right, but you never go in with six.
> Eight only works if one of us is a Saxon Brenton character who can make
> Discworld references..."

RACCCafe: RACCQuest, part 2
by the Not-Dead, Regular Universe Tom Russell :-)

   "Well," said Ultimate Mercenary.  "How about that table over there?"
   He pointed to a table that none of them had ever seen before.  "Hmm.
 Dead Parents Universe.  They must be new."
   Three old fat white-haired men sat around the table.  One of them
was recounting some strange adventure to the others.  As our heroes
reached the table, they felt time start to wrap around them, as the
story shifted into present tense for no apparent reason.
   "Damn it, Harry," says one of them.  "Don't you ever shut up?"
   "Aw, come on," says Harry.
   "No, Adam's right," says the third man.  "Ever since I got here,
it's been one story after another.  And I feel sorry for Adam, who's
been here longer than I have.  I don't know how you remained sane."
   "It wasn't easy, Ray."
   "Did you ever hear the theory," says Ray to Harry, "that a man is
born with a finite number of words, and once they use up all those
words, they die?"
  "Yeah, I've heard it."
   "Then why aren't you dead yet?"
   "We're all dead," says Adam sourly.  "So I guess he's never going to
run out of words."
   "All right, all right," says Harry.  Churlishly, he added:  "I
understand when I'm not appreciated."
   "Excuse me," says Masterplan Lad.  "But we're embarking upon a
heroic quest, and we seem to be short a few members..."
   "Sounds great!" says Harry enthusiastically.
   "You don't even know what kind of quest," says Adam.
   "Sure I do!  They said it already!... a heroic one!  Come on, guys,
   "No," says Ray.  "We don't even know them.  You can't just trust
   "But they're heroes!" says Harry.
   "And you and me are supervillains," points out Adam.
   "Supervillains who redeemed themselves," says Harry.  "Come on,
guys.  It'll be an adventure!  You got to live life!"
   "Even when you're dead?" says Ray.
   "Especially when you're dead!"
   "I'll have to pass on this one," says Ray.
   "Just let me mope about my past failures in peace, eh?" says Adam.
   "Well, I can't say much for these two mooks," says Harry Cash, "but
I'll go with you."
   "Excellent, friend," says the Ultimate Mercenary.
   "You'll be in charge of helping Dead Alternate Universe Tom Russell
move about," says Masterplan Lad.
   "Somehow, that seems strangely appropriate," says Adam.
   "Well, I wish you guys were comin' with me," says Harry.  "But I
can't make you."
   Harry gets up from the table, and our heroes walk away.
   After they had escaped the table's aura, Ultimate Mercenary breathed
a sigh of relief. "Ah!" said Ultimate Mercenary.  "Past tense!  How
   "That's a man's tense!" someone yelled out.
   "This is the life!" said Harry.  "Adventure!  Excitement!  A heroic
quest!... say, what is this heroic quest, anyway?"
   "I'll explain on the way," said Masterplan Lad.
   "On which way, exactly?" said Ultimate Mercenary.
   "I guess that's for the next author to decide," said Masterplan Lad.
  "You know," said Harry Cash.  "This reminds me a story..."

... ten minutes later...

   "... and, on account of he had no nose, the poor schmuck died.
Always felt sorry for him.  Which reminds me.  I once knew this guy..."

... fifteen minutes later...

   "... which reminds me of another story..."

... ten minutes later...


"If a comic book, book, movie or novel is not somebody's fantasy
then who wrote it and to whom does it appeal to?  In order for a
shared universe to have a widespread appeal, it has to appeal on
a primal level.  If somebody says superhero comics are just 'wish
fulfillment' then he needs to explain what is entertainment that
doesn't satisfy our wishes and what satisfaction at all you can get
from it." -- Dr. Martin Phipps

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