8FOLD: The Nostalgics # 2

[martinphipps2 at yahoo.com]

Tom,

Just some thoughts on #2.

Your way of writing first person is different from Jesse's.  Jesse
writes first person as though the action is taking place right now.
The person telling the story doesn't know where the story is going.
Your story is told in the first person but it is clear that the speaker
is describing events long after they took place.  My, what a memory!
Mind you, I used to be like that: a teacher asked the students to watch
a movie in class and make notes about what we saw.  She didn't say how
detailed they had to be.  I was still writing a couple of hours after
the movie was over. :)  So it is possible for someone to recall events
so clearly, though it helps if you practice by keeping a diary.  Most
of us forget the little details or else gloss over them because our
memory is not so clear.  The speaker's impressive recall has to be seen
as a character quirk.

If I were to say anything as criticism, it would have to be that the
story needn't be quite so detailed.  The story is supposed to tell us
why he killed one of his teamates.  Unnecessary details come across as
a bit strange.  Of course, we don't know who he kills or why so what is
necessary and what is not necessary are hard to tell.  Does he kill
Reilly because he uses too much cheese in his spaghetti?  I guess I'll
have to stick around and find out. :)

Martin