[LNH/APE] Writer's Block Woman (and Mouse) Apes Month Special: King Kong Revisited
jaelle at ihug.co.nz
Tue Jan 31 22:43:31 PST 2006
Rose Garden Press Presents:
WRITER'S BLOCK WOMAN (and Mouse)
Apes Month Special: King Kong Revisited!!!
A/N: Okay, so I tried to come up with an issue for Apes month, but as
time is rapidly running out on the month (it's actually finished here
now, but it's still January in the States - it counts!) and I still have
nothing, you get this instead. Better than nothing? Your decision. :-)
The reporter smiled falsely into the camera as she continued to report
on the spectacle.
"As you can see behind me, the giant gorilla is currently half-way up
the Empire.net Building, carrying a woman wearing a flowing white satin
dress from the latest Bijouterie fashion line, embroidered with seed
pearls and gold thread in a fleur-de-lys pattern. The shoes are matching
gold and white embroidery, and the entire ensemble is topped off with a
gorgeous ring, necklace and hairclip set in gold with amethyst clusters.
You can see the light glinting off them from here, and they really bring
out the highlights of... what? Oh yes, the gorilla. Well, it's wearing
fur, somewhat tasteless in this day and age but at least it's its own.
Still, the darkness of the fur does bring out the ethereal quality of
the pure white, dare I call it luminescent white, fabric which drapes
and hangs perfectly, can you see? Not a crease! A perfect choice for the
woman being abducted by giant land-bound mammals! Now, had this been a
sea abduction, the satin would have been all wrong..."
Mouse tuned out the woman and stared upwards critically. "How far are
they up now, do you think?"
"Bout three-quarters of the way?" Fuzzy said, peering through her
binoculars. "Probably won't take much longer to get to the top, and then
the problems'll really start." She took another look, closing in on the
image. "She's right you know. That dress looks _fantastic_ on your mother."
Mouse sighed. "That's Mum for you, the perfect outfit for every occasion."
"So run this by me again," Fuzzy asked. "Your mother is re-enacting the
final scene of King Kong because why?"
"It's in honour of 'Apes month', whatever the heck that is," Mouse
explained. "She wanted to do a tribute."
"But why the FINAL scene? I thought she was keen on animal rights and
Mouse shifted awkwardly. "She doesn't know how the movie ends."
"Doesn't know..." Fuzzy lowered the binoculars and stared at her. "How
can she not know how _King Kong_ ends?!"
Mouse sighed. "Because every time we've ever tried to watch it on TV the
power has mysteriously gone out just when Kong and Wray reached the top
of the building."
Fuzzy gave Mouse a suspicious look. "What about the new version?"
"We went to see it at the movie theatre. Same thing happened. Final
scene, power died, no ending."
There was a long pause.
"You did it, didn't you."
"Oh sure, blame the daughter!" Mouse threw her hands up in the air in
exasperation. "I was just trying to help. I didn't think she could go
through that kind of emotional turmoil again! You weren't there when she
took me to Bambi, you don't know what it's like! The crying, the
wailing, the retail therapy!"
"So then, technically, this is all YOUR fault."
"So," Fuzzy resumed her observation of the situation. "What are you
going to do now? The airplanes will be here soon."
Mouse sighed and trudged inside the Empire.net building. "Is it too much
to hope that they've turned off the elevator music in here?"
About twenty minutes and one answered question later, Mouse clambered
out the observation deck and began the final climb to the top of the
building, "Eidelweiss" stuck firmly in her head.
"Oh my, just LOOK at the view up here! If only I'd brought my camera
with me. Oh wait! I think my cellphone has a camera in it. Now, one of
the view, and one with the pair of us in it. Hmmm... well, okay, that
one didn't quite work. Perhaps if we..."
"Muuuuuuummm..." Mouse gritted out as she hauled herself up the last
section. "What are you doing?"
"Mouse darling! Perfect timing!" Writer's Block Woman thrust a
cellphone, liberally draped in accessories, at her daughter. "Can you
get a photo of the two of us together? You'll need to back up a bit to
get us both in the picture."
"We're on top of a BUILDING, Mum. There ISN'T anywhere I can back-up
TO," Mouse pointed out.
"Hmmm..." WBW paused in thought. "Espen could hold you out at arms length."
"No way! You... Espen?"
"Oh yes, I haven't introduced you yet," WBW indicated the gorilla.
"Mouse, this is Espen. Espen, this is my daughter, Mouse."
The gorilla grinned at Mouse. She resisted the urge to count its teeth.
"Mum, I don't think the gorilla understood you."
"Oops! Of course he didn't. My mistake," WBW looked apologetically at
the giant gorilla. "Espen, dit is mijn dochter."
"Goedenavond! Hoe gaat het?" The gorilla replied.
"He said, 'Good evening. How are you?' At least I think he did. My Dutch
isn't very good, and I didn't bring my phrasebook with me," WBW said
"A Dutch-speaking gorilla," Mouse said slowly. "Sure, fine, why not?
Anyway, back to my original question. What are you DOING?"
"But I told you, Espen and I are re-enacting the end of King Kong!"
Espen smiled at her again.
"I see. By any chance, does Espen know how the movie ends?"
The gorilla shook his head after WBW translated the question, then
rumbled a short sentence.
WBW turned back to Mouse. "He says that he thought _I_ knew. I think. Or
else he was making a comment about bananas. I find that's usually a safe
assumption to make when dealing with gorillas."
Mouse sighed and sat down, scanning the skies around them. "I hate to
break it to you Mum, but it's not looking good for Espen right now."
"Whatever do you mean?"
"See those fighter planes heading towards us?"
"Where...? Oh, I see. How retro! And they're so tiny!"
"They're gonna get bigger when they attack us."
"Whatever do you mean."
"Mum, I don't really know how to tell you this but..." Mouse shot a look
at Espen. "Exactly how much English does he understand?"
"I'm fairly sure that counts as gross gorilla stereo-typing," Mouse
sighed. "But I guess the author maxed out her story research quota
looking up the language stuff. Okay, Mum... come closer."
Mouse whispered into WBW's ear.
Mouse whispered again.
"Are you trying to play a joke on me?"
"But that's... that's..."
"Yeah, I know. Sorry." Mouse looked ashamed. "I kind of knew ahead of
time and didn't tell you."
"Well that's just awful!" WBW straightened and glared at the approaching
aircraft. "I cannot in all conscience allow these people to get away
with this act of villainy. Fear not Espen, I shall protect you! For I am
WRITER'S BLOCK WOMAN! A hero and a lady! And a volunteer collector for
the RSPCA!!!" Putting heroic post #13 to use (the hero flings off
whatever outfit they are currently wearing to reveal their costume
underneath it), she flew into the air. "Wait right here, I'll save us!"
Mouse watched her mother head off to engage the aircraft in combat and
sighed. "So," she said, sitting down next to Espen. "Come up here often?"
Espen watched WBW circle round the aircraft and scratched his head. [["I
don't get it,"]] he said. [["If she could fly, why did she need me to
carry her all the way up here?"]]
"She's a mystery to me too," Mouse assured him. Not because she
understood Dutch, but because she'd always found it a safe assumption to
make when dealing with her mother. "Banana?"
Bonus scene! Behold the first concept I had when trying to write
something involving apes:
"Eeeyaaaahhh!" Writer's Block Woman screamed as the gorillas carried her
off. "Help me! Save me!"
"You know," a sarcastic voice panted. "You can fly... and you ARE a
superhero... you could always just... _leave_."
WBW turned her head to where Mouse was trying to keep up with the
running horde of gorillas. "But... they went to all this trouble."
Mouse stopped running, leaning over and resting her hands on her knees
as the gorillas formed a human, er, gorilla chain and began to pass WBW
up the tall building. "Okay, fine." She mumbled. "I'm just sayin', is all."
And this is why you got the story you did. Cos I had NOTHING else.
Espen's name sourced from 20,000 Names.com at
It means "bear of God" apparently. He was originally supposed to be
Portugese and named Paulo, but I couldn't find any good Portugese
language sites. Instead I used the wonderful Dutch forums at Phrasebase
for his vocabulary, such as entry:
King Kong originally conceived by Merian C. Cooper and Edgar Wallace.
This is a parody, and no infringement on the original work is intended.
Fuzzy created by Connie Hirsch and not reserved.
WBW and Mouse are mine.
Espen belongs to himself, because who am I to tell a giant gorilla what
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