NTB: A Guy in a Trenchcoat Fighting Ninjas #1

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer at earthlink.net
Sun Apr 30 12:26:04 PDT 2006

The Net.Trenchcoat Brigrade Presents:

          A Guy in a Trenchcoat Fighting Ninjas #1

I'm a guy.  In a trenchcoat.  And I'm fighting ninjas.

How did this all start?  Christ, like I know.  Maybe it was my dear old
grandma.  When I was fifteen she gave me this cool trenchcoat for my
birthday.  And the moment I put that trenchcoat on, that's when it started.
The ninjas started crashing through windows killing all of my family
members.  I was spared though because my grandma also gave me an Uzi.  A
Magical Uzi with unlimited bullets.  I blasted them all away.  But more
would come.  And I'd kill them too.

I know.  I should have taken that trenchcoat off back then.  Maybe I could
have lived a normal life.  I wouldn't have to fight ninjas all the time.
But before I ever wore this trenchcoat, I was just this weird loser and no
one liked me.  But when I wore the trenchcoat I became this cool guy with a
trenchcoat who fought ninjas.  Wouldn't you make the same choice?

God.  That was like 20 years ago.  There used to be this mystical
organization called the Net.Trenchcoat Brigade.  They used to wear
trenchcoats too.  And smoke.  And they were a bunch of bastards.  No one
knows what happened to them.  Me either.  I don't think the ninjas know
either.  All that's left of them seems to be that Gothic Gorilla guy who
does those late night talkshows.  I guess it doesn't really matter what
happened to them.

All that really matters now days are that I wear a trenchcoat.  And I fight
ninjas.  Sometimes I hesitate.  Sometimes I want the ninjas to kill me.  Is
this what life is?  Wearing a trenchcoat?  And fighting ninjas?  Is this
what I'm going to do for the rest of my life?

I look at the ground below me.  Tons of ninja corpses.  One of the ninjas is
still alive.

"Why?" I ask him.  "Why are you doing this?"

He just looks at me with a cold deadly expression.  And then he screams,
"Die!!!!!!!!!" and throws some of those stupid throwing stars at me.

I just blow him away.  And I look at all the death and destruction.

I light a cigarette.  And I smoke it.

I wear a trenchcoat.  And I fight ninjas.

That's my life.

So sue me.

NEXT TIME:  More Ninjas!

Writer's Note:

See?  The NTB is not dead.  It's alive!

Keeping the flame alive.

Arthur "I'm just glad Gumprich isn't here to see this" Spitzer

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