LNH: Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon #1 to (??)

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer at earthlink.net
Fri Apr 14 18:41:10 PDT 2006

                 The Jong Company Proudly Presents:
             Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon

                        Issue Number One

            "The Komodo Dragon That Barked -- Easter!"

The Ultimate Ninja stretched his arms and gave a yawn as he walked into the
LNHQ's lobby.  He was still recovering from the Gigantic Cheeezus Cake
Christ Good Friday, which had happened just yesterday when a radical sect of
Opus Dei followers unleashed a gigantic rampaging sentient
red-wine-communion-wafer cheesecake statue of Jesus Christ on the citizens
of Net.ropolis.  Fortunately, Cheesecake Eater Lad (with the help of a giant
cosmic fork that Kid Kirby made) was able to devour the entire monstrosity.
Alas, there was a cost.  Cheesecake Eater Lad was locked away in one of the
LNHQs bathrooms.  And he'd probably be in there for a week at least.  The
Ultimate Ninja just hoped today would be uneventful.  The ninja guessed
though that the LNH would be needed for crowd control at the grocery stores
to keep the Peep junkies and Cadbury Egg addicts from killing each other.

As he stepped into the lobby for a cup of coffee and to brief the
receptionist Kyoko Ishikawa on a few items, he sensed that something was
afoot.  A bunch of LNH'rs were loitering around the receptionist desk
laughing and fooling around.  This was never a good sign.  What were they
doing?  Their attention seemed to be focused on something.  Some kind of
animal.  A Komodo Dragon?

The Ultimate Ninja cleared his throat.

"Oh, hi UN!  Didn't see you there.  Isn't this guy just the coolest!"
responded Cannon Fodder pointing to the large Komodo Dragon lying in the
lobby wearing an Easter Bonnet on its head.

The Ultimate Ninja gripped the hilt of his katana blade tightly.  "What in
hell is this Komodo Dragon doing here?  Don't you people realize how
dangerous these animals are?"

"Relax, UN.  This isn't *any* ordinary Komodo Dragon.  This is Eggplant the
Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon!  He wouldn't hurt anyone.  He's here to teach
us about the true meaning of Easter because we've lost our way.  You see,
Easter -- it's not about coloring eggs and hiding them, it's not about
eating those weird marshmallowy peeps, or eating jelly beans, or rabbits
named Peter Cottontail.  No, it's about something deeper.  Something..."

"Cannon Fodder, you idiot!  He's getting ready to attack you!" shouted the
Ultimate Ninja.  "Get away from there!"

"You're judging him by his appearance, UN.  He just wants to teach us, UN.
Look I'll prove it."  Cannon Fodder walked up close to the Komodo Dragon and
gently put his hand on the lizard's head.  And that's when Eggplant the
Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon lunged at Cannon Fodder's throat.  The Komodo
Dragon's powerful jaws sank its into Cannon Fodder's tasty neck.  Blood
started spurting out as Cannon Fodder struggled to escape.  The Ultimate
Ninja quickly jumped in the air and tackled the giant lizard and pried the
animal's jaws away from Cannon Fodder.  Then the Ultimate Ninja repeatedly
stabbed Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon with his ginsu blade till
the beast was finally slain.  Alas, he was too late to save Cannon Fodder
who had a heart attack caused by a long life of unhealthy eating habits.

There was silence as the room full of shocked LNH'rs just stared at the
corpses of Cannon Fodder and Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon lying
on the cold blood soaked floor.

Eventually, Deductive Logic Man examined the body of Eggplant the Easter
Miracle Komodo Dragon.  Taking his pipe out of his mouth he used it to point
to the lizard's mouth.  "Ah-ha!  Now I see the problem.  If you look closely
-- you'll notice that Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon has a tiny
little black mustache -- which means... This isn't our "Eggplant the Easter
Miracle Komodo Dragon" -- but in fact this is an Eggplant the Easter Miracle
Komodo Dragon from an Alt.er.net Universe where all the "Holiday Miracle
Pets" are corrupt and evil."

"Well," said a relieved Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad.  "That explains

NEXT TIME: Well, now that I think about it -- this probably will be a
            one issue miniseries.

Ultimate Ninja, Deductive Logic Man, and Cannon Fodder are wReam's

Arthur "Have a happy Easter weekend!" Spitzer

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