[LNH/Acraphobe] Road to Killfile Wars #2
cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
Sun Sep 11 16:45:49 PDT 2005
Previously: Electra did battle with a mysterious glowing globe that
turned out to be Screw You Over Lad. During the battle she plunged
off a bridge and woke up in Regal 13 headquarters. Meanwhile, Rick
'Guy Redundnat Man' Henkerton discovered that his girlfriend
Amelia 'Mystery 1' Chesterfield was sleeping with Terrence
"Where... where am I?" Electra said.
"Welcome to Regal 13 headquarters. Welcome to the beginning of
your future," one of the doctor's said.
The future? Well it was nice to know she still had one. After her
bout with the glowing ball on the freeway she wasn't so sure. The
black suited men, gray walls, burn marks on her arm and all the needles
did not comfort her.
"A future provided by you black suited whack jobs doesn't seem too
promising," she said. "Trust me... I know your type."
"I'm Doctor Crompton. Please sit," The Doctor said as he
motioned to a small table. "We only want to help you."
"As I just finished tell the glowing ball..." she said as she
shoved the chair away.
"That's exactly why we want to help you. The people in charge of
those glowing balls took something from us. Something that makes them
a mild nuisance to us. We'll help you stop them... and get your life
"And what do you want in return? This object back?" she said.
"No. It's really a trinket. We don't care what happens to it,
as long as it stays out of their hands. We want your assistance
locating someone," Crompton said.
"Does this person want to be found?" she asked.
"Not really. No yet again anyway," Crompton said. "But he
"So you want me to abduct someone?" she said. "No deal."
"It's not like it hasn't happened to him before. By people with
intentions far less benevolent than ours," Crompton said.
"Didn't you hear me?" she shouted. "NO DEAL!"
She turned around, went out the door and slammed it shut.
"Well," said a technician. "That didn't go the way we
"On the contrary, it went exactly the way I wanted it to. She's a
fierce woman. She has to believe she's acting independently. You
catch more flies with honey," Crompton said.
The Road To Killfile Wars 2 of 12
The Sand or The Sea
By Jesse N. Willey
Vel sat in the science lab looking at sensor readings. Stomper was
in the corner looking at some print outs of another. Seductress was
standing right behind Vel's chair.
"Hey guys, I just brought some lunch. Any progress," she said.
"Not a bit," Stomper said. "And there was another spike in
Sig.ago this morning. The energy trail was similar to traces left at
the site of the disappearances... only nobody was reported missing.
Not only that but the signature lasted much longer... and moved."
Vel looked up from the sensor panel with a smug grin on his face.
"That's because the person in question is someone most people
wouldn't be looking for. I ran a scan for other unexplained
discharges. I found a massive electron burst, equal to a bolt of
lightning, aimed at the energy the anomaly. The lightning bolt had no
explained source so I ran a more in-depth signature scan and came up
with this," he said as he pointed to the screen.
"Talk technobabble to me baby," Seductress said.
"Not now, Jen. I'm working," Vel said. "Anyway... what I
found was Electra. Reportedly an alternate universe counterpart to
Carolyn Forge. Which means there is familial connection between two
of our disappearances and this attack."
"I'll contact Doctor Forge immediately," Seductress said.
"Good idea. Vel can use assist me in a further scan of the anomaly
itself?" Stomper said.
Vel grabbed his sandwich and walked up behind Stomper.
"No problem, Vinnie. Good to be working with you again. After,
y'know," he said.
"Have you tried scanning for exotic dark matter?" Vel said.
"Exotic dark matter?" Stomper said. "That's almost in
possible to find. Let alone contain and control..."
"Did you already forget the first lesson you taught me?" Vel said.
"In this line of work, the impossible is the first thing to look
"When did I say that?" Stomper asked.
"Long story," Vel said. (See Flame Wars V #4)
Carolyn felt the sand beneath her wash away. The bird flew
over her and screeched. A few came in for landing and pecked at her
face. She rose up out of the sand and little green dots rose out of
the sand. It quickly became clear to her that they were sea turtles.
"Hello there," someone shouted.
She turned around. A red haired man dressed in overalls with a
bucket on his head who wasn't there before stood there smiling.
"Huh? What?" she said.
"Sorry to startle you. I was just watching the turtles," he
said. "The name's Johnny. Most people call me Appleseed."
"No way..." she said. "You can't be."
"You're right. Historians even argue if such a man even existed.
But the image has remained in the minds of so many that it sort of
took on a life of its own," he said. "Personally, I like to call
myself The Grim Seeder."
"The Grim Seeder?"
"Yeah," he said. "I bring life into this world and then watch
as the gifts are used, abused and inevitably wasted by those who
don't know what a gem it is until they're about to lose it. Those
are the lucky ones."
"And the unlucky?" she said.
"See those sea turtles? They're an endangered species.
Thousands of them are born on this beach every year. But those
birds," he said. "kill over a quarter of them before they reach the
water. Before they have a chance to really live. Others get eaten
by fiercer things soon after they get there. Others get exposed to
pollution. Or they get poached. Others just give up their lives
needlessly. Makes you wonder why they were even hatched at all."
"That's sort of a pessimistic view to take, isn't it?" Carolyn
A bird flew overhead and dropped a hollowed out turtle shell at
Johnny's feet. He picked it up and glanced it over. He frowned and
handed it to Carolyn to glance at.
"Some might see it that way, Mrs. Forge," Johnny said. "Nice
looking shell though. I'll add to my collection. Of course,
they're all in my collection."
"I never told you my name. Who are you? Really..." Carolyn asked.
"I told you, I'm the Grim Seeder. I walk the universe with my
scythe and plant the seeds of life," he said.
"A scythe? You're not a bringer of life. You're the Grim
Reaper. You're death," she said.
"A common misconception. The scythe is not a weapon. It's a
gardening tool," Johnny said. "You're a smart girl. You should
know that. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some more turtle shells
Johnny turned around and walked away.
"Wait!" She shouted. "Just one more question."
"Yes?" he asked. "I'm a very busy man."
"Will you ever be collecting me?" she asked.
Turtle sat between the beach and waves. It stood there, wave after
wave refusing to let the tide take it.
"You can't kill what isn't alive. Or in your case, stopped
living. One of these days you're going to have to choose. The sand
or the sea. You can't have both," he said.
"How will I know," Carolyn asked.
"Sorry, you said one more question," he said.
"Another time perhaps?" she asked.
"Perhaps," he said.
The three Ultimate Ninjas gathered the others into the war room. It
had been a long day and he really hoped he could get some sleep
tonight. He knew it would be his last for awhile.
"What's the status," The Handless Ninja said. "Any word from
"None. Though I left a message," said Seductress.
"Well, Teriyaki Chick said that her father, Doctor
I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter is the younger half brother of
Doctor Killfile," Onion Lad said.
"Which means there is a potential blood relationship of some kind
with all the escapees and known victims," Seductress said.
"So, all the Killfiles in one place. It'll be like fish in
barrel," said Master Blaster.
"I think we should stop and ask ourselves why they're all
together, don't you?" asked Deja Dude. "Maybe they're trying
to free their dad."
"Questions... shooting.... There's a correct order there. I just
don't remember it," Master Blaster said.
"Deja Dude is right. I've done some digging," said Browsing
Boy. "The three escapees all hate Doctor Killfile. They want him
dead. Why would they want to free him."
"You just answered your own question," Master Blaster said.
"Am I the only one who doesn't like the ethical dilemma this puts
us in?" Vel asked.
"I don't follow," said Ultimate Ninja #2.
"Well, LNH's mission statement stares that it will protect the
innocent. In this case, Doctor Killfile hasn't done anything..."
"I wouldn't say that..." Master Blaster said.
"Okay, anything that he isn't already serving his time for...
literally," Vel said.
"So you're saying..." Master Blaster said. "We have to
protect Doctor Killfile?"
Amelia got out of her car and into the parking lot. As she pulled
out she noticed a small red light from the apartment's swimming pool.
She half dismissed it as repairmen doing late night work as not to
prevent the senior citizen swimming classes in the morning. Then the
light bolted across the parking lot and straight toward her.
"Amelia Chesterfield..." the ball said. "You have something I
"What the hell?" she said.
The ball shot a jolt of energy which caused her to squirm and fall to
the ground. The ball vanished and was replaced by a tall woman
carrying a small device about the size of a pencil tip.
"This won't hurt a bit. It's a simple biometric scanner to
teleport something out of you that you- and the traitor- don't even
know you have. He'll learn that when you mess with one of my
sisters... you mess with us all," the woman said.
"De-Deliah?" Amelia asked. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing you need to concern yourself with. I'm just collecting
something that will serve as a great tool to me," she said as she
placed the device on Amelia's stomach. "Lazlo... begin
Terrence walked out into the living room. Carolyn laid the couch so
that while her feet and legs were on the sofa her neck and head were on
the floor. He brushed her cheeky and she rose. Her eyes opened and
she leapt up and back up onto the couch.
"Rough night?" he said.
"Just... just a bad dream," Carolyn said.
"Look... I know you don't want to hear this but..." Terrence
said. "I have to go see Amelia."
"Fine, go ahead," Carolyn said.
"Look, don't be like this," Terrence said. "Rick called.."
She tried to stay calm.
"Uh... really," she said.
"Yeah, he said she was found in the parking lot of his building
bleeding," Terrence said. "She's in the hospital."
Next: Making Mordred.
Electra, Terrence Coffe, Deliah Joy Killfile and Carolyn Forge created
by Tom Russell Jnr. Onion Lad created by Tom Russell Jnr. and Dane
Martin. Ultimate Ninja created by wReam. Deja Dude, Seductress and
Master Blaster created by Martin Phipps. Rick Henkerton, Amelia
Chesterfield, Vel, The Grim Seeder, The Regal 13 and Doctor Crompton
created by Jesse N. Willey. Doctor Stomper, Doctor Killfile and
Browsing Boy are Public Domain.
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