[LNH/Meta] The Last Night Show with Peelix the Cat #3
cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
Mon Nov 7 10:25:03 PST 2005
The Last Night Show with Peelix the Cat #3 of 4
By Jesse N. Willey and Saxon Brenton
Down in the bowels of the LNH TV studio, there was a crappy matte
painting of a city filled up the screen. A moon with a cat on it
appeared. The shot panned out to a large crowd of people.
"It's The Last Night Show with Peelix the Cat.
Tonight's guest is Saxon Brenton! I'm Onion Lad along with
Ultimate Ninja, the One Man Last Night Show Band!" whimpered Onion
Lad. "Now here's Peelix the Cat."
Peelix walked in, looked up and peed on the ceiling just to prove he
"Okay folks, a big survey came out today... apparently as
unpopular as they are The Alt. Riders would have a better chance of
becoming Prom Queen than the United States Senate. In other news,
Teenfactor still refuses to ask them out," Peelix said. "Now,
let's get to our guest before we're further behind on continuity
than he is... it's Saxon Brenton-"
"So, eh, Saxon, what were doing when you heard that when Dane Martin
and Tom Russell were writing Onion Lad #2, Russell wanted to reveal
that Onion Lad was transgendered?" Peelix asked.
"It was when I read the email your producer sent me as prep
questions, so: sitting at my desk at work yesterday in the last half
hour before going home, enjoying the mulberry and pear pie that we had
had for afternoon tea," Saxon said.
"You got prep questions? None of the other guests did," Peelix
"I'm special," Saxon said.
"I guess they figured if you improvised your answers we'd be
asking the questions now and not get the responses until Flame Wars IX
comes out," Peelix responded. "Speaking of your writing speed,
would you mind telling our readers what secret projects you're
"I don't really have secret projects. I just have a lot of writing
ideas on the backburner because I write so slowly. Currently trying to
finish Limp-Asparagus Lad #55, as well as trying to help Jamas write a
miniseries called Our War Without Worlds. Beyond that... I have all
the stories ideas that I accumulated over the last decade," Saxon
"Who is your favorite LNHer?"
"Toughie. Possibly Kid Kirby, although I am continually amazed that
nobody else seems to recognizes the usefulness of Frothing-At-The-Mouth
Lad as a storytelling tool," Saxon remarked.
"Why do you write reviews?" Peelix asked.
"To force myself to read the stories posted to RACC in a timely
manner. That hasn't changed since the mission statement I gave in the
very first End Of Month review."
"You live in the southern hemisphere. A buddy of mine and I have
this bet going. Do the toilets really spit up water and dung down
"Not that I've ever noticed."
"Wahoo! See... I toldja. I win! I win! Come on Peelix... hand
over the hundred bucks," Onion Lad shouted. "What is so great about
working at a library? You and Russell both work at them. What's up
"Are you kidding? Instant gratification on my book reading
desires!" Saxon said.
"Is it true you occasional read the newsgroup without wearing
pants?" Onion Lad whimpered.
"Tell me you did not just ask that," Peelix responded.
"Depends on what you mean by 'pants'. I never read the newsgroup
nude, but I almost always wear knee length shorts rather than full
length trousers. There is nothing 'occasional' about me reading the
newsgroup without pants," Saxon responded.
"Umm.. that was a rhetorical question," Onion Lad said.
"Where were you the night of April 31st, 1987?" Peelix said.
"Had there been a April night after Thursday 30th, then I would have
been in bed, reading, at the student dorm of the Wagga Wagga campus of
RMIHE now CS university," Saxon said.
"Wagga Wagga? I bet Fozzie Bear went to school there," Peelix
said. "What creative people inspire you?"
"Terry Pratchett. Diane Duane. Grant Morrison. Neil Gaiman. Probably
numerous others, because I try and take Pratchett's advice to read
widely," Saxon said.
"What do you do to relax-aside from writing?" Ultimate Ninja
said. "Cause when I'm not super heroing, I like to go bowling."
"Read and play roleplaying games," Saxon said.
"Sounds like a dull life," Peelix responded. "So which RACCer do
you secretly want to kill?"
Saxon switched off the microphone and whispered into Peelix's ear.
"Really? Martin said the same thing last night," Peelix said.
"I'm not really surprised," Saxon said. "I think a lot of us
feel that way."
"Right... let's move on. If you could have just one of
Superman's powers, which would it be?" Peelix said.
"Flight would be nice," Saxon said.
"Bland. Bland. Bland. This is the most milquetoast interview
I've had since we've had since we had Bob Newhart on," Peelix
said. "Why couldn't Spitzer have bothered with his email. Let's
get on with the tedium that our viewers at home love so much. What's
your favorite food?"
"Uh. Varies between oysters kilpatrick, passionfruit butter, and a
nice bacon and egg breakfast," Saxon said.
"That stuff will kill you. Then how will we know who wins the
Raccies," Peelix said. "They do have a best talk show category,
"Not last time I checked no," Saxon said.
"Then why do I care?" Peelix quipped. "Fine, fine, let's rap
this up. Yawn, if you were trapped in comic book land which one would
you try to date Betty or Veronica?"
"Betty," Saxon said.
"See... Milqetoast," Peelix said. "This is the last time I
have somebody with an August 1st birthday as a guest."
"Not even... you know... him? The other guy," Onion Lad said.
"Especially not him. Arrogrant, delusional, stuck up,
self-righteous, E.L. Fudge killing maniac," Peelix said. "And you
can tell him I said that."
"Well, that's about all we have time for tonight... be here next
time for the one, the only Rom Tussell," said Onion Lad.
"I think you mean Tom Russell," said Ultimate Ninja.
"Yeah, that guy," Onion Lad said.
This interview was mildly fictionalized. Saxon Brenton quotes, most
of them, come courtesy of Saxon Brenton. Saxon Brenton is a
registered trademark of Ford Motor Company. Ultimate Ninja created by
wReam. Peelix the Cat created by Tom Russell Jnr. Reserved by Jesse
N. Willey. Onion Lad created by Tom Russell Jnr. and Dane Martin.
Reserved by Jesse N. Willey. Onion Lad's wardrobe provided by The
Disney Store. Mister The Cat's wardrobe provided the South Beach
Nudist Colony. This document is copyright Jesse N. Willey and Saxon
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