[LNH] Legion of Net.Heroes Volume II #3

phippsmartin at hotmail.com phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Wed May 11 03:35:16 PDT 2005

  "That blueberry cream cheesecake was the best yet!"
Master Blaster said.  "I am so full!"

  "You ate a lot of it," Sister State-the-Obvious

  "How Happy we are to Hear that!" aLLiterative Lass

  Cheesecake eater lad smiled.  "Would you like to
help me clean up?" he asked his wife.

  "i Would be Willing," aLLiterative Lass said.

  "We'd better get going," Sister State-the-Obvious

  "Just a minute," Master Blaster said.  "I just want
to let this go down."

  A few minutes later, Master Blaster and Sister
State-the-Obvious made their way out of the cafeteria
and into the hallway.

  "That cheesecake was really good!" Master Blaster

  "You already said that," Sister State-the-Obvious

  "Well, it was!"

  He pressed the button for the elevator and they
waited for the elevator to come down.  When the doors
opened they saw the body of a male caucasion lying
face down and motionless in a pool of blood.

  "He looks dead," Sister State-the-Obvious said.

        Legion of Net.Heroes Volume II #3:
               C.S.I.: Net.ropolis

  "Could somebody tell me what happened here?"
Ultimate Ninja asked.

  "We just finished having Cheesecake in the
cafeteria," Master Blaster explained, "and then we
found the body of this stranger in the elveator."

  "We don't know who he is," Sister State-the-Obvious

  "Anybody know who he is?" Ultimate Ninja asked.

  "He appears to be Murder Victim Lad," Theory Man
said.  "He joined the LNH a week ago on a probationary
basis subject to him being able to show that he had
any abilities relevent to his code name."

  "Looks like he passed," Sarcastic Lad noted.

  "Any idea who would want to kill him?" Ultimate
Ninja asked.

  "On his application under known associates he listed
'Prime Suspect Lad'," Theory Man pointed out.  "That
would appear to be a good place to start."

  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "Go get Prime Suspect Lad
and bring him to my office," he ordered.  "And
somebody go find Captain Cleanup and Domestic Lad and
have them clean up this mess."

  "Not so fast!" Squeaky Clean said.  "I have to
examine the elevator for trace evidence first."

  "Why?" Ultimate Ninja asked.  "We already have a

  "Yes," Queaky Clean said, "but Theory Man's theories
are usually wrong."

  "It's the best lead we've got," Ultimate Ninja

  "I know," Squeaky Clean agreed, "but trace evidence
might provide us with another suspect.  Or it might
provide us with the evidence we need to confirm that
Prime Suspect Lad was the killer."

  "How long is this going to take?"

  "Not long," Squeaky said.  "I just need to check the
elevator for fresh fingerprints, hair and skin.  Oh
and if there was a struggle then some of this blood
could belong to the killer!"

  "Fair enough," Ultimate Ninja said.  "I'll be in my

  Later, Ultimate Ninja was in his office when Prime
Suspect Lad entered.

  "You wanted to see me?" he said.

  "Sit down."

  "So... what's up?" he asked.

  "I understand you were friends with Murder Victim

  Prime Suspect Lad nodded.  "We've been friends for a
few years.  Why?"

  "He was found dead in the elevator earlier this
evening.  He'd been murdered."

  "No!" Prime Suspect Lad said, sounding genuinely

  "Do you know why anyone would want him dead?"

  "Not at all."

  "And yet his code name suggested that he knew he was
going to get killed."

  Prime Suspect Lad shook his head.  "Not really.  You
see, all the good code names have already been taken.
He originally wanted to join the LNH as Nukes Entire
Cities Lad but his application was rejected because he
neither planned to nor had the actual means to nuke
any cities."

  "That's what I mean: if he changed his name to
Murder Victim Lad then it must have been because he
was actually expecting to become a murder victim."
Ultimate Ninja sighed.  "We're thinking that the
person who did it had to have been somebody he knew
before he joined the LNH."

  "What are you suggesting?"

  "Your code name is 'Prime Suspect Lad'.  Correct?"

  "So?  When the entire LNH came down with
Legionaire's disease, did anybody blame Patient Zero?"

  "Patient Zero was never a member of the LNH.  She
was a member of The Team."

  "But, still ..."

  "Do you have an alibi?"

  Prime Suspect Lad thought for a moment.  He then
reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked
like a yellow business card.  "I have this."  He
handed it to Ultimate Ninja.

  Ultimate Ninja looked at the card.  "This is a 'Get
out of jail free' card!  It only works if you are
playing Monopoly!"

  "Oh," Prime Suspect Lad said sheepishly.  "In that
case, no, I don't have an alibi."

  Meanwhile, in the med-lab, Doctor Stomper and
Squeaky Clean were examining the body when Insomnia
Boy came in to see how things were going.

  "So, guys, what have you found?" he asked.

  "The cause of death was blunt force trauma," Doctor
Stomper said.  "Somebody grabbed him from behind and
slammed his head against the wall of the elevator."

  "Wow," Insomnia Boy said.  "I can picture it all
happening in my head.  Except it is happening really
fast and it's all in black and white.  With a blue

  "You should get some sleep," Doctor Stomper

  "Can't.  That's my power."  Insomnia Boy sighed.
"So how do you know that's what happened?  I mean,
couldn't he have just slipped and fallen to the

  Squeaky Clean shook his head.  "No.  The blood
splatter in the elevator is only consistent with him
having been standing up when he died."  Squeaky went
to the sink and cleaned up.  "I'm going to go to the
other lab and examine that hair sample I found at the
crime scene."

  "No problem," Doctor Stomper said.  "We're just
about done here."

  Later, in the other lab, Squeaky Clean was busy
looking in a microscope.

  "Have you found anything?"

  Squaky Clean looked up to see who it was.  "Organic
Lass!  Long time no see!"

  Organic Lass smiled.  "Doctor Stomper called me up
and asked me to come down.  He thought I could help.
Anything I can do."

  "No," Squeaky said.  "I'm just examining his hair
sample I found at the crime scene."

  "Will that help you determine who the killer was?"

  "No, but it looks really cool!  Me standing here
looking into a microscope I mean," Squeaky said with a
smile.  "Programs like C.S.I. have done for the
physical sciences what Indiana Jones did for

  "So what are you doing to find out who the killer

  "Well, I did manage to isolate the DNA from the hair
sample and I'm running a program on the computer to
cross check that DNA with the DNA of everybody on the
LNH roster.  It's going to take a while."


  "Oh!  It's done."  Squeaky Clean and Organic Lass
went to see what the results were.

  "So... who's the killer?" she asked.

  Later, Squeaky Clean, Organic Lass, Doctor Stomper,
Ultimate Ninja, Insomnia Boy, Master Blaster and
Sister State-the-Obvious all assembled in the
conference room.

  "As you can see the DNA is a 99.9% match!" Squeaky

  "With whom?" Ultimate Ninja asked.

  "With Actually-Did-The-Crime Lad," Squeaky said.

  "He must have been the one who actually did it,"
Sister State-the-Obvious said.

  "Where is Actually-Did-The-Crime Lad right now?"
Ultimate Ninja asked.

  "Right now he's having a fight scene with Prime
Suspect Lad."

  Prime Suspect Lad hit Actually-Did-The-Crime Lad in
the face, causing Actually-Did-The-Crime Lad to stagger

  "You tried to frame me!" he said.  "You knew that
people would think that I was the one who had killed
Murder Victim Lad!"

  "It's true!" Actually-Did-The-Crime Lad said.  "And
I would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for
those darned kids!"

  Later, Insomnia Boy went to visit Squeaky Clean in
his room.

  "Hey, Squeaky!" he said.  "Good work!"


  Insomnia Boy thought for a moment.  "Do you think
the readers find it odd that we still hang out
together years after the Generation Y series ended?"

  Squeaky Clean shrugged his shoulders.  "You mean as
opposed to going out and getting girlfriends?"


  "I don't think it's any of their business."  He sighed.
"Surely even fictional characters have a right to privacy."

  "Right," Insomnia Boy said.  "See you later then."





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