[LNH] Deja Dude / Master Blaster Special #4

[martinphipps2 at yahoo.com]

              Deja Dude / Master Blaster Special #4

  "Welcome back everybody!" Deja Dude said.

  "Assuming anybody is actually reading this," Master Blaster pointed
out.  "I mean, this is just us watching movies."

  "Not this time!" Deja Dude promised.  "I have some fast breaking
movie news!"

  "Really?"

  "That's right!  Apparently Sean 'P. Diddy' Combs didn't like the LNH
movie that came out last year."

  "Why not?"

  "He said there weren't enough black characters.  He couldn't relate
to it."

  "But you're not black.  I'm not black.  Ultimate Ninja's not black."

  "How do you know he's not black?"

  "Well fine.  Wesley Snipes could have played Ultimate Ninja in the
movie.  But then we wouldn't have seen his face."

  "That's why they went with an unknown."

  "So why doesn't he come out with his own LNH movie?"

  "He is."

  "Really?"

  "It's going to be called 'The Legion of Net.Heroes in Da Hood'."

  "You're joking!"

  "No.  Here's a clip."

\begin[clip]

  Ultimate Negro called the LNH to order.  "Alright.  I want to make
sure everybody is here.  Bad-Raping Boy!"

  "Yo, bro, it's not _boy_.  It's _lad_.  Bad-Raping Lad.  Get it?
'Boy' is a white racist word as in 'Come here, boy' or 'Pick the
cotton, boy'.  You know what I'm saying?"

  "I hear you.  South Compton Kid?"

  "Yo, UN, what's up?"

  "Nothing much.  What's up with you?"

  "What's up with me?  Let me tell you!  I don't get my comics until
later in the same week and people on the east coast have already
discussed them on the net!  What's up with _that_?"

  "I hear you!"

  "I think it's the white man's way of keeping the black man down!"

  "Could be.  Fried-Chicken Eater Lad?"

  "Mmmphh!  Hurr!"

  "Don't eat with your mouth full!  Didn't your mother ever teach you
any manners!"

  "Saurrie!"

  "Fine.  Hap'ning Homie?"

  "Yo!"

  "Master Disaster?"

  "I'm the master of disaster!  Don't you get on my bad side!  'Cause
if it's you I'm coming after!  You can run but you can't hide!"

  "Right on!  Sista State-the-Obvious?"

  "My husband can rap."

  "Yes.  Right.  Kid Voodoo?  Where's Kid Voodoo?"

  "Kid Voodoo's dead," Hap'ning Homie said.

  "Dead?  When did he die?"

  "In the last issue of his own series."

  Ultimate Ninja shrugged his shoulders.  "Somebody has _got_ to update
that damned roster!"

\end[clip]

  Master Blaster shook his head.  "You are going to get _SO_ flamed for
this post."

  "Oh come on!" Deja Dude said.  "It's satire!"

  "You're still going to have to pad this issue with an actual movie
review."

  "No problem.  I saw Elektra a couple of months ago."

  "How was it?"

  "It had a couple of big flaws."

  Master Blaster mused for a moment.  "I remember a couple of big
things in the movie.  Is that what you are talking about?"

  "No not those!"  Deja Dude sighed.  "We are supposed to root for
Elektra, not because she's Jennifer Garner, not because we already saw
her in Daredevil, not because we read any of the comic books, but
because the character is inherently likable and/or sympathetic.  The
Punisher worked because the main character wasn't introduced as a
killing machine: we saw his family die and we saw what it did to him.
The same argument could be made for the success of La Femme Nikita.
Elektra was introduced as a killing machine and this made her less
sympathetic to most movie goers, even though I dug this movie on many
levels.

  "The good guys weren't good enough.  The bad guys weren't evil
enough.  We find out too late in the movie who killed Elektra's mother.
 Besides, maybe she deserved it.  Didn't Elektra's victims all deserve
to die?  You can't have it both ways.  If the child of one of Elektra's
victims were to fight with her, does that mean that Elektra now
deserved to die?  Simply stating in the opening title sequence that the
Hand is an evil organization doesn't make it so.  Was Stick's group
really any better?  Even Elektra herself seemed unconvinced.

  "I saw this movie already knowing that it was a flop and I went there
to find out what went wrong.  What I found was, to me, a good movie, so
I had to work extra hard to come up with an explanation for why the
movie didn't work.  This was the best explanation I could come up with.
 Some people have said 'people don't want female superheroes' and, yes,
perhaps Elektra did suffer from a comparison with Catwoman.  This was a
better movie, by far, but the fact that the comparison can be made at
all is bad news for the makers of this movie.

  "How about you, Rob, have you seen any movies lately?"

  "I saw Constantine."

  "Was it any good?"

  Master Blaster nodded.  "Three words: Rachel.  Wiess.  Wet."

  Deja Dude agreed.  "Yeah, that about sums it up for me, too.  Two
thumbs up."

  "Two thumbs up... eight fingers up... ten toes up..."

  "Let's stop right there!"

                             THE END