[LNH/ACRA] Vel #9
cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
Thu Mar 3 14:06:48 PST 2005
Vel, Vel and Seductress looked over at the computer once more.
Various displays began playing dozens of battle plans. Seductress
began to tremor mildly. The Vels acted as if they had done this
dozens of times. Vel turned to Vel.
"So that's that plan?" he said.
"Yep," Vel replied.
"We get the model three power convertor and the recongfigured
timeporter remote should emit a high end EM pulse, disabling most of
the cybercorpses," the Vel in the torn Polarized Ions t-shirt said.
"A what?" Jen asked.
Vel pointed to one of the monitors and pointed to a cylinder with three
smaller pronged cylinders coming out of it. Jen did her best to
quickly recognize the image.
"Remember the code," the monk said.
"Kick ass, take no prisoners," Vel said. "and Ro sou polkos
tolemosh polkos reb cresden nu Dorfia."
"yeah, roo soup polkas telephones polkas reb Krychek New Dorfia,"
"Close enough," Vel said.
Schroedinger's Planet Part Six
This is Spinal Taup
By Jesse N. Willey
Carina lay dazed in her shackles. They say at times like this that
your entire life flashes before your eyes. She was seeing it all.
The day she joined the LNH. The long list of friends in their silly
costumes. The endless parade of super villains. The two first times
she met Vel.
"The two first times..." she said. "Retcon Lad erased that. How
~You have a power. A power you think you gave up. It's always
"The power Kirby?"
~That is what some call it, yes. Though the ancient greeks had
another name for it.~
"I don't have time for that..." she said.
She could feel herself getting stronger. With a gentle tug the
shackles shattered. She headed for the door. It swooshed open. Taup
was standing there smiling.
"Finally. The power awakens," he said.
"Back off, Taup. I am Carina Paschall, Song singer of the power
Kirby," she said.
The long cables jutted out of Taup's biomechanical neck. The cables
began to move and tiny bone saws on the end began to spin. They
swiftly wiggled their way within centimeters of Carina's neck.
"A power I hope steal," Taup said.
The space thingee approached the Dorfan border near the planet Haven.
Stomper stared at his sensor panel and began scanning for the things
that Vel said would be there. He was indeed seeing the miniscule
amount of exhaust from a Dorfan cloaking device. Adamant Authority
on Everything stared there looking befuddled. Aside from Ultimate
Ninja the others on the bridge, Linguist Lass, Browsing Boy and Onion
Lad seemed frightened of this.
"They're dead ahead of us sir," Stomper said.
"Linguist Lass, hail them," Ninja said.
A regal looking Dorf appeared on the screen. His twirled mustache and
dark black dress made him resemble to an old Republic serial villain.
Ninja took this as a sign that this was the man in charge.
"Ninja," he responded.
They glared into each other's eyes.
"We chose to invoke article fourteen subsection six of the treaty of
Yaboo," Ultimate Ninja said.
"All participating members of the diplomatic mission shall be served
meals in accordance with any religious or other dietary restrictions?
Are you asking me out?" Zey said. "Mister Fruk, fire!"
The communication screen went blank replaced by the image of three
Dorfan ships decloaking and beginning to heat up their weapons. The
blasts of energy bounced harmlessly of the shields.
"Linguist Lass, what the smeg happened?" he said.
"Sorry, sir, there was a smudge on my dorfan copy. The dorfan
character for a six looked like the character for a four," she said.
"Sorry, my bad," Browsing Boy said. "Really sorry. All my
reading indicates the Dorfs are extremely homophobic culture. Which
is kinda funny considering what Moakonzi did at the battle of..."
"Authority, return fire," Ninja shouted.
One of the Dorfan ships exploded.
"I'm sorry for my mistranslation. I meant article sixteen
subsection six," Ninja said into the communications system.
Zey appeared on the screen again.
"These type of diplomatic mistakes happen. I should have suspected
as much," said Zey. "PLEASE be our guest for a weapon inspection
of our space station."
The two Vels, and Seductress teleported in the room filled with dozens
of cybernetic warriors. Vel the monk and Seductress sliced through
several of them with their laser swords. The cyborgs just kept coming.
Vel the LNHer grabbed one cyborg's missing limbs. He slapped the
monstrosity with it. Seductress caused her sword to hover within
striking distance of the cyborg's modula oblongata.
"To victory!" shouted the cyborg.
"Hey that a model three power regulator in your pants or are you just
happy to see me?" Jen said.
"I have several model three power regulators around my body...."
said the cyborg.
"Thanks," Jen said as she gently remove the cyndricular device
out. She tossed it to Vel. "That should be what you're looking
for. Go rescue Carina."
Vel fiddled with the timeporter remote control. He quickly set it for
two seconds later and the room down the hall. He pushed a series of
buttons and vanished.
Taup stared greedily into Carina's eyes. He imagined the power in
the body that would soon be his. Certainly, it was the body of the
dishonorable gender of an even less honorable species but it was
tapping into cosmic forces that could silent all dissent. By Moakonzi
and Shoulbi it would be glorious. His dreams disappeared in a pop.
"What....argh," Taup gasped. "I've switched to auxillary
Vel leapt out of the time vortex. He winked at Carina. Carina
grapped Taup by the neck and pulled the long cybernetic spinal column
out of the body. Blood and guts splattered around. She and Vel ran
down the hall.
"That should slow him for quite some time," Vel said.
"Then why are we running?" she said.
"The others need us," he said.
Nick felt uneasy flying The Goodship Lollipop. It was the first time
this had ever happened. He and his ship were like lovers. It was a
stronger bond than any he'd ever known. Sadly, he had to admit,
than one he had shared with Divine. He had loved her dearly,
passionately and intimately, just not as much as he loved his ship. It
was home, guardian, and constant companion for a decade. Well, as he
measured time anyway. He sipped his herbal tea slowly as X'zchi
manned the sensor panel.
"You actually support this?" Nick said.
"It is a battle led by my husband and his other," X'zchi said.
"That's not what I mean..."
"That is all that matters."
Nick took a long tall glug of his tea, and hit the control panel.
X'zchi picked up his inert body, threw it out of the chair and took
the pilot's seat.
Carina and Vel arrived just as Seductress was shoving the last of the
cybernetic corpses. Carina was gasping for breath. Vel and Vel gave
each an affirmative gesture. It was followed by a loud pop noise.
Carina and Jen gasped. Vel crinkled his forehead. A glint of silver
was barely visible from his other's back.
"Vel, what's four feet long and has a series of mechanical legs
made from titanium alloy?" Vel said.
"If you say 'I don't know but it's crawling up your neck, I'm
not buying it," his other said.
"But..." Vel said.
The mechanical spider necked head crawled up the other Vel's
shoulder. It was Taup.
"I love anesthetic coated legs, don't you?" he said. "Fool,
did you think you were the only one with matter transference
As the words slipped from Vel's mouth, there was a loud drilling
sound followed by a faint plunk. Blood began oozing out from the
monk's back. His eyes rolled around in seizure like patterns.
There was a soft buzzing sound as someone had turned on a dentist's
"You idiot. You know what that was?" Taup said. "I detached
his spinal cord from his medulla oblongata and connected my head. I
just got to remove his head, and then your time is mine to conquer."
"Five," Vel said.
"I can use the power Kirby to..." Carina said.
She leapt forward to help the monk. Jen grabbed by the arm.
"No time," Jen said.
Carina snapped free and ran for the fallen monk.
"Carina!" Jen shouted.
Starless groggily got up. X'zchi was sitting in his chair. She
positioned herself over a button. He stood wobbly. He primed his
thunder gauntlet. She grinned at him.
"Would the honorable Nick Starless really shoot a pregnant woman?
Especially so few years after losing your own children?" she said.
(See The Team).
"If I have to," Nick said. "I'd rather not."
"My husband was right. Hypocritical bastard," she said as she
pushed the button. "Torpedoes away!"
Ultimate Ninja looked at the reports from the sensors. Stomper began
feeding in more information. Browsing Boy and Linguist Lass looked
puzzled as Onion Lad chewed his fingernails.
"They have the timeporter," Stomper said.
"I know," Ninja said.
"Orders Captain?" Browsing Boy said.
Taup and Sing Along began twinkling in the air. Some of the twinkling
shattered like a broken mirror.
"Carina!" Jen shouted. "Vel! Do something!"
"I am... I'm getting us the hell out of here," Vel said.
They quickly teleported onto the bridge of the Goodship Lollipop. Jen
looked around. She stared at X'zchi in the piloting the ship and
Starless walking groggily. She quickly put to and two together.
"What's going on here?" Jen said.
"X'zchi, prepare bulk transporter of the entire ship," Vel said.
"What? Why?" Jen said. ""What about Carina?"
To Be Continued...
Seductress and Linguist Lass created by Martin Phipps. Browsing Boy
created by Unknown. Sing Along Lass created by Drizzt. Onion Lad
created by Tom Russell Jnr. and Dane Martin. Reserved by Jesse N.
Willey. Doctor Stomper, Adamant Authority on Everything and Ultimate
Ninja are public domain. All other characters created by Jesse N.
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