[LNH] Legion of Net.Heroes Volume II #7: Bandwagon Chick Begins

phippsmartin at hotmail.com phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Thu Jun 16 09:39:24 PDT 2005

___  ___________________________
| |-|                           \
| |-| []                        /
| | | [] egion of               \
| | | []__ [] []   []  []       / #7 "Bandwagon
| | | [___][ \[]et.[]__[]eroes  \ Chick Begins"
| | |      []\ ]   [ __ ]       /
| |-|      [] []   []  []       \
| |-|___________________________­/
| |
| | (The cover shows a nervous Bandwagon Chick
| | with California Kid, Irony Man, Lurking Girl,
| | Kid Yesterdaze, Loquacious Lad and Marvel
| | Zombie Lad standing around her in the background.
| | Irony Man is wearing his old, grey armour.)

1984.  TokIO, J at pan.  The TokIO Hilton.

  There was a knock on the door to Bonnie Chique's
hotel room.  "Coming!" she said.
  When she openned the door she was greeted by a
handsome French man.  "Well... hello!"
  "Bonjour Mademoiselle Chique!  I am Henri Dupont."
  "What is it that you want?" Bonnie asked as she
narrowed her eyes and looked him over.  "I hope it's
what I think it is," she said, raising an eyebrow.
  "I observed you today at the comics shop in the
  "You're not with the police are you?" she asked
  "Good," she said, relieved.  "Because I just had to
get to the front of the line so I could get the Sailor
Moon Special Edition."
  "I was very impressed by your fighting skills,"
Dupont said.  "The way you fought off the other
shoppers, I mean."
  "Thank you."
  "I was especially impressed by the way you used that
four-year-old girl as a human shield."
  "Ah, yes, well."  Bonnie blushed.  "Some of those
girls knew karate.  I had to even the odds a little."
  "That showed a certain... ruthlessness."
  "Thanks... I think."
  "I want you to come with me to Mon.gosub.lia and
join our organisation."
  "Organisation?  What kind of organisation?"
  "Why the Mon.gosub.lian World Cup Soccer Team, of
  "You want me to play soccer?" Bonnie asked.
  Dupont laughed.  "Oh!  Non non non!  I want you to
become the team's head cheerleader!"
  "Cheerleader?  Soccer teams have cheerleaders?"
  "Our team does.  The team's cheerleadering squad is
the brain child of the team's coach, Rahrah Goteamgo!"
  "I see."
  "Will you come  with us?"
  "I'll think about it."
  "Don't think for long!"
  "Never do!"

Months later, in Mon.gosub.lia

  "Yes, my dear!"
  "I want to thank you so much for training me!  I
have learned so many moves from you!  I feel so fit
and healthy now.  I mean... just look at me."
  Dupont looked at Bonnie in her white varsity sweater
and red pleated skirt and nodded.  "Indeed!  You look
very nice!"
  Bonnie smiled.  "You think so?  Because, you know, I
was beginning to think you were gay..."
  "Um... there is one more thing I want you to do in
order to qualify as head cheerleader!"
  "Kill this goat!"
  "Baaa!" said the goat.
  "Excuse me?"
  "Part of the routine involves killing a goat,
ostensively as a sacrafice, although we will eat it
  "Ew!  Gross!  You guys eat goats!"
  "What did you think the goats were for?"
  "I thought they were like pets or something!  You
eat them?  Ew!"
  "You will have to perform the ritual if you want to
become head cheerleader."
  Bonnie shook her head.  "Then I guess I won't become
head cheerleader.  Sorry.  I'll be returning to my
home in Net.ropolis."

  Bonnie returned to Net.ropolis only to find that it
had been overrun by the evil and the corrupt.  Bonnie
vowed that she would use her new abilities to fight
crime an injustice.

  First, she needed a car.

  "Daddy?  Daddy!"
  "Yes, Bonnie?"
  "Buy me a car!"
  "Um... go speak to my secretary, Lucy Fox."

  Her father's secretary took her down to a used car
  "If I'm going to be a superheroine, I need a cool
  "Um, a sportscar isn't in the budget," Lucy said.
  "What can I buy?"
  "Hmm," Lucy said, "how about this nice family
utility wagon?"
  Bonnie Chique frowned and pouted.  "What kind of
superhero drives around in a van?"
  "The kind that has a lot of teammates?"
  Bonnie considered the possibilities.  "Does it come
in pink?"

  Later, Bonnie went out on a date.
  "So, after my parents were killed I travelled the
world to study the crinimal mind and discover what it
feared the most.  I had them fill in my survey and 49%
said spiders, 33% said bats and 17% said snakes.  I'm
thinking about becoming Spiderman.  What do you
  Bonnie shook her head.  "Bruce, you are such a
  Bruce nodded.  "So, how about next Friday?  Same
time?  Same restaurant?"

  One day she went to see Eaglone, the local crime
  "Look around you," he said.  "What do you see?"
  "Nice drapes."
  "Right.  Now you think, just because you went
shopping in TokIO, you know about the ugly side of
life, but you don't.  You've never tasted desperate.
You're Bonnie Chinque, a princess of Net.ropolis, so
don't come down here with your attitude, trying to
prove something.  This is a world you'll never
  Bonnie nodded.  "Okay.  So do I get the job?"

  So much for trying to infiltrate the mob.

  Meanwhile, somewhere in the Mid-West, Irony Man, Lurking Girl,
Loquacious Lad, Kid Yesterdaze and Marvel Zombie Lad met at the home of
Rick Smith of the Toon Brigade.  He had sent each of them an e-mail
about a big green rampaging monster that had been after him.  They all
stood there in a circle around
Rick, who sat there with a guilty look on his face.
  "There was no big, green rampaging monster, was there?" Irony Man
asked, pointedly.
  Rick Smith just laughed nervously.  "April fools!" he said.
  "But it's April 2nd," Lurking Girl pointed out.
  "I can't help it if you guys all checked your e-mail a day late!"
Rick insisted.
  The five heroes all felt very foolish and were about to disperse and
go our separate ways when Marvel Zombie Lad spoke up.
  "Wait!" he said.  "This wasn't a real emergency but what if it had
been?  Doesn't the world need a group of net.heroes to stand ready just
in case?"
  "The undead crusader is quite correct," Loquacious Lad said.  "It is
our duty as net.heroes to form an association which would be for the
benefit of
all mankind!"
  "It would be a real honour for me to be accepted into such a group,"
Kid Yesterdaze said.  "What about you?" he asked Lurking Girl.
  "You can count on me to make the occasional appearance," she said.
  "It's settled then!" Marvel Zombie Lad said, having momentarily
forgotten about Irony Man.  "What about you, Mr...?"
  "Call me... Irony Man.  I'm afraid I can't join you just yet.
Although you can't tell because my face is obscurred, the fact is that
I am only a teenager and I promised my dad that I would pursue a degree
industrial engineering as soon as I finished high school.  So, you see,
I wouldn't have time for any more heroics just yet."
  "You could still hang out with us over the summer," Kid Yesterdaze
  "Yeah, come on," Marvel Zombie Lad said.  "I'm sure the five of us
could scrape up enough funds to get a club house built!"
  "Alright," Irony Man decided.

  Bonnie was starting to give up on the idea of becoming a superheroine
when she saw the ad in the newspaper for the LNH.  It said "Are you an
net.hero?  The Legion of Net.Heroes wants you!  Meetings daily from
10:00 to 4:00.  Lunch provided for genuine applicants."  She wrote down
the address given in the ad and went there the next day.

  The LNH clubhouse had been built based on Marvel Zombie Lad's design:
the building was shaped like an upside down computer terminal.  When
she arrived, California Kid was already there making his pitch.  Irony
Man, Lurking Girl, Kid Yesterdaze, Loquacious Lad and Marvel Zombie Lad
were all sitting on one side of a long table in front of the clubhouse
while California Kid stood in front of them.
  "Hey, look, I've come all this way here to join the LNH.  Here me
  "What are your powers?" Kid Yesterdaze asked.
  "I am the essense of everything Californian!"
  "Which means --?"
  California Kid was slightly taken aback.  "Just that.  Sun.  Surfing.
 Bikinis.  I represent all of that."
  "What we want to know is what your precise abilities are, if any, and
what their exact nature might be," Loquacious Lad explained.
  "What can you do?" Lurking Girl asked.
  California Kid thought for a moment.  "Well, let's see... I get to
read my comics days after everybody else has already discussed them on
the internet."
  "That isn't exactly a power," Irony Man pointed out.  "It's more like
a deficiency."
  "Can you pay the $5 membership fee?" Marvel Zombie Lad asked.
  "Then you're in!"

  Irony Man pulled Marvel Zombie Lad to one side.  "What are you
doing?" he asked.
  "We need to start admitting new members.  This is supposed to be the
LEGION of Net.heroes, remember?"
  "Shouldn't we have some sort of standards?"
  "We've already rejected Flying Eraserhead, Guest Who Lad, Impatient
Lad, Slobberine, Tater Tot, Top Soil Boy and The Invisible Blithering
Babe," Marvel Zombie Lad argued.  "At least this guy represents a
degree of diversity!"
  Irony Man sighed.  "Alright.  Fine.  But in the future I want us to
take a vote before we admit new members."
  "Fair enough!"

  Bonnie walked up to the table and let out a deep breath.  This was
  "Are you here to apply to join the Legion?" Kid Yesterdaze asked.
  "Yes, I am," she said.
  "Please state your code name."
  Bonnie thought for a moment.  "Bandwagon Chick."  She smiled.  It
  "Alright," Kid Yesterdaze said, "so what are your powers."
  She sighed.  "I was trained as a cheerleader for the Mon.gosub.lian
World Cup soccer team by the graet Henri Dupont!"
  "Okay.  So what can you do?"
  Bonnie swallowed.  "Cheer?"
  "But you must realize that the ability to celebrate is not something
that makes you unique," Loquacious Lad pointed out.
  "There has to be something special you can do," Lurking Girl said.
  Bonnie hesitated.  "Well... I've got a really special car!"
  Irony Man sighed deeply.
  "Let's see it," Marvel Zombie Lad said.

  The seven of them gathered in front of Bandwagon Chick's bandwagon.
  "Wow!  Cool!" California Kid said.
  "It's pink," Irony man said flatly.
  "I love it!" Lurking Girl said.
  "It gets excellent gas mileage... and I can drive it really fast!"
Bonnie said quickly.
  "I believe that would qualify as a superhuman ability!" Loquacious
Lad argued.
  "Depends how fast she means," Kid Yesterdaze said, "but yeah."
  Marvel Zombie Lad was beaming.  "Welcome to the LNH!" he said.
  "Hope you survive the experience!" Kid Yesterdaze added.

  Meanwhile, somebody else had noticed the ad the LNH had printed in
the newspaper: somebody sinister.
  "Legion of Net.Heroes indeed!" he scoffed.  "This city doesn't need
any net.heroes, let alone a legion of them!  I will see to it that this
group of friends never grows to become the legion they see themselves

                     THE BEGINNING

Bandwagon Chick created by Sue Clark
Lurking Girl created by Tori Fike
Marvel Zombie Lad created by Benjamin R Pierce
Irony Man created by Doug Moran
Kid Yesterdaze created by Karthik P. Sheka
Dr. Killfile created by Steve Librande 


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