[LNH] Legion of Net.Heroes Volume II #9

martinphipps2 at yahoo.com martinphipps2 at yahoo.com
Sat Jul 23 23:19:19 PDT 2005

___  ___________________________
| |-|                           \
| |-| []                        /
| | | [] egion of               \
| | | []__ [] []   []  []       / #9 "Moving In"
| | | [___][ \[]et.[]__[]eroes  \
| | |      []\ ]   [ __ ]       /
| |-|      [] []   []  []       \
| |-|___________________________­­­/
| |
| | (The cover shows Marvel Zombie Lad, Kid
| | Yesterdaze, Loquacious Lad, Irony Man and Doctor | | Stomper, all
moving furniture into LNH HQ.)

May, 1992.

  "I can't believe we're finally moving into our new Headquarters!" Kid
Yesterdaze said.
  "Indeed," Loquacious Lad said, "this is a truly auspicious moment for
the Legion of Net.Heroes!"
  "Did the cable guy already come by?" Marvel Zombie Lad asked.  "I
want to see the game tonight on the big screen!"
  "Lurker Lad said he came by this morning around 11:00," Irony Man
told him.
  "In that case we should remember to set the VCR so we can catch The
Mysteries of Ancient Sci.mer on The Learning Channel," Doctor Stomper
said.  "It's on during the game and I don't want to miss it."
  "Fair enough," Irony Man said.


  "Whew!" said Spelling Boy.  "Is that it?  I'm tired?"
  "Bandwagon Chick and Parking Karma Kid are going back to the Legion
Clubhouse to get the rest of the furniture," Marvel Zombie Lad said,
"but that's it for now, yes."
  "I want to go play Net.ris!" Grammar Lad said.  "Are the computers
set up yet?"
  "Not yet," Irony Man said.  "Multi-Tasking Man is coming by this
evening.  But don't worry!  He says he'll be able to set up the
network, program the peril room and update the database all at the same
  "Who wants cheesecake?" asked Cheesecake Eater Lad with a smile.
"I've just broken in the kitchen with my latest creation!"
  "Alright!  Cheesecake!" said Mainstream Man.  "I'm starving!"
  "Hmm," said Comics Snob Boy.  "It seems to me that heroes should
consider a more nutritional diet than cheesecake!"
  Irony Man pulled Doctor Stomper to one side.  "If you don't mind, I
thought I would go explore some of the sub-sub-basements.  I thought
you might be interested in joining me."
  "Absolutely," Doctor Stomper said.

  Irony man and Doctor Stomper travelled down darkened stairways until
finally they came across a room with functioning machines.  Irony man
activated the flood light on his hard suit so they could get a better
look: they saw two glass chambers with people frozen inside, presumably
in suspended animation!
  "We'd better get them out of there!" Irony man said.  "Any idea how
these machines work?"
  "So happens I've had experience with this kind of technology," Doctor
Stomper informed him.  "This should just take a few minutes."

A few minutes later...

  "Are you two okay?" Irony Man asked.
  "I think so," the taller of the two patients replied.
  "Who are you?" Doctor Stomper asked.
  "I'm Procastination Lad and this is Super Apathy Lad."  Super Apathy
Lad shrugged his shoulders.  "We're members of the Legion of
  "The Legion of Net.Hippies disbanded fifteen years ago."
  "Oh," Procrastination Lad said.
  "Your friend seems to be suffering after effects from the suspended
animation process," Doctor Stomper said.  "He doesn't say very much and
he doesn't seem to respond when spoken to."
  "Actually, no," Procrastination Lad said.  "He's always been like
  "I see."
  "Why were you put into suspended animation?" Irony Man asked.
  "We were put into suspended animation when Nixon was elected,"
Procrastination lad said.  "We decided that we wanted to be frozen
until a democrat would be elected again.  Well, I decided anyway: my
friend here just went along with the idea."
  "And what, exactly, is wrong with a republican president?" Irony man
asked indignantly.
  "I don't think this is the time to argue politics," Doctor Stomper
said.  "We need to get these two up to the med lab."

Later, in the med lab...

  "What happened to these two?" Organic lass asked.
  "They were put into suspended animation twenty years ago," Irony Man
told her.
  "So am I to understand there hasn't been a democratic president in
twenty years?" Procrastination Lad asked.
  "Actually, there has been," Doctor Stomper said.  "You missed the
Carter administration."
  "They didn't miss much," Irony Man said.
  "Well, they did miss Nixon's resignation," Doctor Stomper pointed
  "Nixon resigned?" Procrastination Lad said.  "Cool."
  "I imagine you weren't revived because the Net.Hippies disbanded soon
afterwards: I guess there was less motivation for them to continue with
their main enemy having abdicated his position."
  "I would have liked to have seen that," Procratination Lad said.
Super Apathy lad just shrugged his shoulders.
  "Well, that is what happens when you go to sleep and let the world
pass you by," Irony man said.
  "Yeah," Procrastination Lad said.  "I'll have to change my ways."  He
mused for a moment.  "Maybe tomorrow."
  "Well, you could be in luck!" Doctor Stomper said.  "This is an
election year and Bill Clinton had an excellent start in the New
Hampshire Primaries!"
  "No way!" Irony Man said.  "George Bush is way ahead in the polls!
It's four more years by a landslide!"
  Procrastination Lad's eyes narrowed.  "If the Net.Hippies disbanded
then who are you people?"
  Organic Lass smiled.  "We're the Legion of Net.Heroes.  Welcome."
  "Hold on!" Irony Man said.  "These aren't applicants: they're
  "We'd be happy to join your group!" Procrastination Lad said with a
smile.  "Super Apathy Lad, what do you say?"
  "Feh," he said.

  The next morning, on Rackham Avenue, in front of Legion HQ, an
onimous figure appeared.
  "I, the ingenious Dr. Killfile," the villian(sic) declared, "will
soon release the awesome force of my patented Kill-O-Ray, destroying
all posts about you blithering Net.Heroes!!  Beware, you have all met
your match!!!"

                          THE BEGINNING

Soctor Stomper created by T. M. Neeck
Marvel Zombie Lad created by Benjamin R Pierce
Irony Man created by Doug Moran
Kid Yesterdaze created by Karthik P. Sheka


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