[LNH] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #5

[phippsmartin at hotmail.com]

[RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #5 (by Martin Phipps)

Later, Manga Man woke up at LNH HQ surrounded by Boysenstrawbl­ue Alan

Berry (the Fastingest Man Alive), Deja Dude, Ultimate Ninja, Doctor
Stomper and Kid Enthusiastic, amongst others.

"This guy attacked me," Alan explained, "just like that out of the
blue."

"And you survived?" asked Ultimate Ninja.  He was clearly impressed.

"What does that mean?" Alan asked.

"He didn't mean any insult," Deja Dude explained.  "This is Manga Man."

"Really?" Kid Enthusiastic asked.  "Manga Man?"

"Okay," Alan said, "I give up.  Who is Manga Man."

"He's only one of the first LNH villains, along with Dr. Killfile,
Y-Plex Burp, Table --"

"Kid Enthusiastic is refering to the Cosmic Plot Device Caper," Deja
Dude explained.  "It was the first LNH adventure, although there have
been some stories that have been retro-actively placed earlier in
continuity."

"Am I supposed to be impressed?" Alan asked.  "This guy tried to kill
me and I stopped him easily."

"If he had tried to kill you," Ultimate Ninja said flatly, "you'd be
dead.  We need answers.  Doc, revive him."

"There's no need," Doctor Stomper observed, "he's already coming to."

"The LNH," Manga Man said.  "Thank heaven.  I need your help."

"Then why did you attack me?" Alan asked.

"Me?  Nonsense!  _You_ attacked _me_!"

Alan shook his head.  "He's lying!"

"I suspect he is only relating events the way he remembers them,"
Doctor Stomper surmised.  "After all, neither of you have motivation to
lie."

"It did all happen a bit fast," Alan conceded.

"So why were you looking for us?" Ultimate Ninja asked.

"There's a computer virus," Manga Man explained.  "I don't know how far
it has spread.  But the virus will lay in wait until the day of the­
RACCies vote, then would take the winner of each category and delete
every post ­ever made by that person!  No archive would be safe!  It
would be as i­f the LNH author in question had never existed."

"What do you care?" Kid Enthusiastic asked.  "I thought you wanted to
destroy the LNH?"

"Destroy the LNH?" Manga Man asked.  "Never!  In fact, without me,
there wouldn't even be an LNH!"

"What's he talking about?" Alan asked.

"Manga Man is the WC of Craig Thomas Judd," Deja Dude explained, "and
even though Craig hasn't been on usenet since September, 1992, Manga
Man still retains the core essence of the character Craig created for
the Cosmic Plot Device Caper and is, therefore, aware of the intentions
his author had at the time he was created."

"Precisely!" Manga Man said.

"But wasn't Manga Man a villain?" Kid Enthusiastic asked.

"Yes," Deja Dude said, "but he was presumably less interested in
destroying the LNH as he was in telling a good story."

"Indeed," Manga Man said.  "Without villains, there would be no story
and without stories there would be no LNH.  None of the original CPDC
writers are still around and yet the LNH lives on!  That was my doing!
I no more want to see this legacy erased than any of you!"

"It seems as though we have no choice but to join forces with Manga Man
in this instance," Ultimate Ninja observed.

"But what are we supposed to do?" Alan asked.  "How do we fight a
virus?"

"We do what we always do," Kid Enthusiastic decreed.  "We're the LNH!
We find out who is responsible and we start hitting them until they
give up!"

"It might not be that easy," Deja Dude mused.

"What do you suggest?" Kid Enthusiatic asked.

"If the virus only affects stories written by RACCies winners then I
suggest that everybody vote for Andrew Perron in all categories," Deja
Dude suggested.  "Then his stories will all be deleted and everybody
else's stories will remain unaffected, thereby causing the minimum
amount of damage because Andrew only managed to get out four issues of
his Digital Jump series."

"Um, I don't like that idea," Kid Enthusiastic said.

"What's with the lack of enthusiasm, Kid Enthusiastic?" Deja Dude
asked.

"Andrew Perron is _my_ writer.  I'm his WC."

"Exactly," Deja Dude said, "so you'd be a shoe-in for favorite LNHer."
Deja Dude thought for a moment.  "Does Casey even have powers or is he
just your sidekick?"

"Did you hear what Manga Man said?  It would be as though the author
never existed!  That means _I_ would cease to exist!"  Kid Enthusiastic
was now very enthusiastic about changing Deja Dude's mind
about this.

"True enough," Deja Dude said, "but then this entire cascade would also
cease to exist as well.  I suppose Andrew could always repost his
stories--"

"Enough!" Ultimate Ninja said.  "I won't see anybody's stories
sacraficed for the sake of everybody else!  There has to be another
way!  If we have to, we'll just have to cancel the RACCies, or at least
delay them."

"Then we should find Pointless Awards Man II and tell him not to go on
with the awards ceremony," Doctor Stomper suggested.

"That might be a bit difficult," Deja Dude said.  "Last time I saw
Pointless Awards Man, he had had his head removed.  He was quite dead."

"Yes," somebody in the crowd of LNHers said, "but I got better!"

"It's Pointless Awards Man II!" Sister State-the-Obvious said.

"I hate when people do that," Ulimate Ninja said.  "Always showing up
on cue.  Always seems to happen in stories I appear in."  He sighed.
"I need better writers."

---===#===---

Meanwhile, the Grapety Purple Man looked down at Mike's decapitated
body.

"This Looniearthling was no challenge!  He fell too easily!  I must
find the ones who I came here looking for!  I must find the LNH!"

----


WHO is the Grapety Purple Man?
WHAT does he want with the LNH?
WHERE is this story going?
WHEN will the RACCies take place?
WILL Andrew win the award for best author and have all his stories
erased?
WOULD Andrew be happy or majorly pissed?
WHY not stick around and find out?

Martin

PS: I prefer to think that this story is in continuity and the
Cauliflower story is out of continuity because the Cauliflower story is
a self contained holiday story and this is a cascade that may go on for
some time.