[LNH/ACRA] Vel #8
cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
Thu Feb 17 18:30:28 PST 2005
Onion Lad ran into the Ultimate Ninja's office. The young man was
gasping for breath. The Ninja stood up. He reached over with his
remaining hand and handed him a Cherry Mister Paprika. Onion Lad
grabbed the can and sat down in a chair.
"Thanks," Onion Lad said.
"What did you find? Where are Seductress and Sing Along Lass?"
Ultimate Ninja asked.
"Come on, spill it!" Ninja said.
"They've gone back in time with Vel to save Haven," Onion Lad
"Crap!" Ultimate Ninja said.
Schroedinger's Planet Part Five
A Quiet Moment
By Jesse N. Willey
They were all waiting down by The Good Ship Lollipop when I came back.
My other self, the one who belonged there, was supervising a sparring
match between Seductress and X'zchi. After only a few hours, Jen
was beginning to hold her own against a dorfan warrior of the highest
order. Sure, a dorfan warrior of the highest order who was six weeks
pregnant but is was still quite a feat, even given the Dorfans shorter
gestation period versus Jen. No contest. X'zchi hands down.
Starless began making to the craft. My other self approached me as I
walked out the back of the ship.
"Where were you?" he said.
"I was... taking care of things," I said.
He spotted the time porter remote in my hand.
"More trickery?" he asked.
"Something like that," I replied.
"It is dishonorable," he said.
"Taup isn't exactly playing fair," I said.
"You're cheating fate," he said.
"No, just giving fate an IOU," Vel said.
Onion Lad was heading out the door as Doctor Stomper and Adamant
Authority on Everything entered the office. They looked at Onion Lad
and back up at the Ninja.
"Onion Lad? Didn't you go on the mission with Seductress and Sing
Along Lass?" said Adamant Authority said.
"We have news," Stomper said.
The Ninja looked on half amused.
"Oh?" Ultimate Ninja said.
"He has a favor he wants us to do for him. After looking the data
over, it looks like a good idea," Authority said.
"Oh?" he repeated.
"Ready the space thingee. I'll explain on the way," said
"Umm... can I go now?" Onion Lad said.
"No, you're coming with us," said Authority.
We were in a bright, yet secluded area half a quarter of a mile from
our campsite. Jen sat with her knees. She was hovering off the ground
like a Buddhist monk in a bad pulp magazine. I walked up behind her.
Without even turning around, she spoke.
"Hey Vel," she said.
"What? How did you ..." Vel said.
"Your other self has been helping learn to sense the gravimetric
effect of every object around me. Sort of a mass based sonar," she
said. "Pretty cool?"
"Yeah, look... about what you said on the ship. About Pizza Girl.
I know it couldn't have happened," Vel said.
"What are you talking about?" Jen said.
"You said you said you slept with the triple x universe counterpart
of Pizza Girl. During my work with Stomper I learned a lot about that
particular alternate reality. Something about the vibrational pattern
of that universe cause people to perpetually horny. Humans with super
powers were incapable of reproducing. They also can't contract
STDs," Vel said.
"Your point being?" Jen said.
"Shagneto is one of their main enemies," Vel said. "Pizza Girl
couldn't exist there."
My other self walked over to Starless. Starless put down his sonic
wrench and turned to face him. He didn't look too amused, but then
again, Starless rarely did. Not since Divine died anyway. (See The
Team: A Night in the Darkness). My other self looked just as grim.
"How long till the ship is ready?" my other self said.
"I just fixed the autorepair system. It should only take about an
hour or two now. Why you got anything?" Starless replied.
"Yes, I have located Taup's base. Vel and I are planning a three
pronged attack. You and X'Zchi shall attack him from the air.
Jennifer, Vel and I will attack his base directly. Back in our own
time Ultimate Ninja will be leading a team to take to destroy the
Dorfan bulk timeport base back in our own time," my other said.
"We shall leave him stranded with nowhere to go."
"I don't like it!" Nick said.
"We win. They loose. What's wrong?" My other said.
"From my understanding these timeporters default setting is the
beacon system. So if we hit their bulk pad in my time, and try to
beam into a time when that pad has been destroyed. Their bodies will be
reduced to tachyions, muons and various assorted particles," Starless
" That is the idea, yes," My other said.
"You'll kill them," Starless said.
"You served in the Enobi wars, right? How is this any
different," My other said.
"The Enobi was were all part of a vast military industrial complex.
There were no innocents," Starless said.
"That's Benyori bullshit and you know. Of course there were
dissenters. The only difference is that the dissenters on Enobax were
as good as dead anyway," Vel said. "Besides, Taup's army is
merely flesh and wire. We'd only be returning them to Moakonzi's
"Look as far as I'm concerned, this is an internal Dorfan matter.
This has nothing to do with me," Starless said.
"Didn't you say the same thing about the Enobi wars?" My other
"Yet you served after your prison sentence ended. Why?"
"The Enobi began heading to Earth."
"Funny, I heard they followed you," My other said.
"I had gotten to know the Benyori people. Their culture. Their
traditions. Their old holovision shows. Their gorgeous snow colored
women. I felt like I owed it to them," Starless said.
"You haven't gotten to know the way of the Dorf, so it is okay and
sit back and watch us die? That was your way during the friggin'
war wasn't it? Let the old Dorfan warhorses make the suicidal
frontal assaults while the Benyori make 'stealth attacks' and
'strategic retreats'," my other said.
"The dorfs were latecomers to the fighting," Nick Starless snapped.
"The dorf may have joined the alliance late, but we had been battling
the Enobi for almost as long as the Benyori. While you were trying to
contain the fighting to your own borders, we had our own problems. We
suffered thirty percent more causalities than the Benyori did that go
round. Moakonzon and Shoulbeius were barely saved from the Yellow
Death. The Enobi even decimated the Aztrulia the planet where the
emperor sent political prisoners. Poets... school teachers....
Playwrights. People whose only crime was wanting to raise a
generation of warriors who could plan smart attacks," Vel said.
"Your time is the first era when the Dorf have ever known peace.
It is the reason I am here. I will not see that work undone."
"Even if you have to start a war to do it," Starless said.
"Moakonzi said; all things are war. Especially peace," my other
said. "Besides, I've been to the future. I know how it turns it
"How comforting," Starless said.
"Do you want to know the sad thing Nicholas? I used to respect
That's when Jen and I came wandering in.
"So now you think Pizza Girl was part of a search party that came
looking for you?" I asked.
"Well, it would explain Pizza Girl's reaction when Bizarre Boy
found us?" she said.
"Do I really want to know?" Vel said.
"She offered to let him join in the fun. And he did," she said.
"That doesn't prove anything. The Bizarre Boy of either world
would have done that," Vel said.
"Yeah, but this was a few days before they got married. And
neither of them talked to me for a few days after that," Jen said.
"Too much info," I said.
"Come on don't tell you've never thought about..." Jen said.
"I have and..."
"... and what?"
"While it is much more accepted in Dorfan society, it's not really
my bag. You're more than enough," Vel said.
"Getting a bit presumptuous aren't you?" Jen said.
Starless glared at us.
"You two are worse than Mystery and Boy Redundant Lad," Starless
"What?" Jen said.
"Don't question me. Don't you know there is a war on,"
"Yes, sir General," Vel said.
"We teleport out in five minutes," Starless said.
In a cold prison somewhere Carina was shackled up. Her eyes were held
open with a machine with the Dorfan equivalent of the machine from the
movie Clockwork Orange. Only was about a million times nastier than
any film maker could produce. Video feeds were coming in from our
"So you see pretty thing, why we chose you," Taup said with a
"Actually, I don't," she sang.
"It's not that you were the weakest link, though from a strictly
combat position you probably were. Vel bothered to teach the gravity
witch how to kick ass. Why not you, hmm?" Taup said.
"I-I never asked," she said.
"Ah...." Taup almost hummed. "Has anyone ever told you that
you have a very pretty voice."
"What has that got to do with anything?" she said.
"Oh... nothing. I just like the sound it. I bet a lot of people
do," Taup said.
Sirens began to flash in the hall. He left the room. Carina tried
to watch as various meters began blinking as she breathed. The room
was almost dead quiet, yet something that resembled an oscilloscipe
kept going off like there was a rock concert going off.
"My-my body... it creates some kind of subsonic-" she said.
Electricity began to flow through her body. Her body began to
"Almost forgot to say good night," Taup said.
To Be Concluded....
Onion Lad created by Dane Martin and Tom Russell. Used with the
permission of Dane Martin. Ultimate Ninja created by wReam.
Shagneto, Bizarre Boy and Pizza Girl and Seductress created by Martin
Phipps. Sing Along Lass created by Drizzt. Vel, X'zchi, Nick
Starless, Taup and Vel All other characters are public domain.
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