[LNH] [RACCIES] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #18

Andrew Perron pwerdna at outgun.com
Sun Feb 6 00:50:27 PST 2005

Zoom in on a smoky window.  Through it, we can see several patrons
bellying up to the bar.  The perspective passes through the door and
focuses in on one of them - Kid Recap.

"Yo," slurred Kid Recap, "another double over here."

"Aye, laddie, I think ye've had enough," said RX-203-I, Destroyer of
Worlds, Bartender of Darkness. "What's on ye mind, that ye drown
yerself in the drink?"

"Oh, god... it's this cascade.  RACCies... Saxon Brenton... thingy."
Kid Recap hiccuped, his expression growing ever more morose. "Ish like
this, see?  Fursht, Manga Man found this virush that was gonna erash
alla th' stories for whoever won the RACCies.  Then, then he got into
a fight with Boy... Strawboy... with Steve.  Fashtingesht Man Livin'.
Atta shame time, Pointless Awardsch Man Two came back frumma dead, and
shome anonymush readers were talkin' about it.  The Schoe Devil n'a
Purple Grapey Man was in there, too.  Sho Manga Man fell over, and
woke up with the LNH.  N' he told them about the virus.  N'then Pointy
Award Man *Three* shows up, but he's really Sax'phone Brenton, and the
devil-guy sets the soap-kid on fire... but it dun matter, 'cos Saxy
poked Point... Man... Second, and he fell over.  And Grape Ape showed
up.  But Ninja stabbed him.  And there wash Kool-Aid for all."

Kid Recap fell off his stool at this point.  As he wobbled back up,
RX-203-I put a manipulator unit on his shoulder. "Mebbe ye dun need

"No!" Kid Recap shook off the helping hand. "Gotta... gotta finish.
'S my power." He eased himself back onto the seat. "Sho... sho, Manga
Man was gloating.  And he was thinking about how he was doin' evil
stuff, but not virus stuff.  And then Ultimate Ninjadude, wanted to
soo Mr. Drinkypants, so he got a lawyer.  And the virus was cured.
Except it really wasn't.  And the lawyer was evil, so Pointy hired
him.  But we dun care.  Anna Shoo Devil was all like, "Ha ha, you
suck", and brushed summudy's teeth.  And so there was a good Manga Man
and evil Manga Man.  And the devil guys took over the LNH computers.
And it turns out the virus was made by, like, the primorjal
Looviners'.  And the Purple Grape was a good guy.  Sorta.  And
*then...*" Kid Recap broke out sobbing.  RX-203-I patted him on the
back until it faded away.

Kid Recap face peered out from the wooden countertop. "An' then... th'
LNH teams w'r r'placed by robot dup... by robots, Manga Man robots,
an' the RACCies virus an' Saxon Brenton-thing were part of th'
conspiracy, except maybe not 'cos Manga Man mighta been a roobot, and
the guy with the long name isn't a robot... I don't know!" He bawled,
and fell off his stool again.

"There, there, laddie... yer puny human brain needsta rest.  I'll call
a cabbie fer ya..." The camera falls back, as RX-203-I calls Chaotic
Add-On Cascade Recappers Anonymous.  We join our story, already in


Ultimate Ninja looked in the mirror and harrumphed.  He straightened
his tie. "Remind me why *I* need to be there?"

Fearless Leader shrugged. "Because your very presence, intimidating as
it is, will not only give the LNH some moral presence in the Kool-Aid
Man case, but serve to make sure Lethal Lawyer doesn't start causing

Ultimate Ninja considered. "True.  However..." His tuxedo exploded,
revealing his nightblack ninja outfit. "I think *this* will be more

"Awww, that was a rental..." sighed Hamster Man.


The infinite void.  Within, two beings of darkness stand apart.

"So," speaks the avatar of the Grapety Purple Man, royal, chaotic and
delicious, "it's a deal?"

"Indeed," speaks the avatar of the Shoe Devil, dark crimson wrapped in
shadow with really big feet. "We shall use our control of the mental
plane of Net.ropolis to influence the weak-minded into sacrificing
their soles."

"I shall use my mastery over the Power Grapety Purple to manipulate
them, creating a locus of power with which, hopefully, we can bind the
voracious past forever."

"Excellent." The Shoe Devil's smile was like a cleft in the endless
space. "Of course, it's simply coincidence that the ritual of
sacrifice will bring me great control over the mortal world..."

The Grapety Purple Man sighed the breath of an unborn star. "Indeed.
But, I suppose when you walk with the devil, the road can only lead
you one place."


Manga Man stalked about outside a cage - a cage which held Manga Man.

"So," said Manga Man, "who *are* you?  An escapee from Terminal Dogma?
An android duplicate created by my father to fight for justice?  Or
perhaps simply an imposter, here to take over my glorious name?"

"Glorious name!?" spat Manga Man. "Infamous name is more like it - I
should know, since it's *mine*."

"Bah!" Manga Man posed threateningly. "Fool!  I'll have the truth from
you--" The doorbell rang.

Manga Man stalked over and answered it. "Yes?"

"The costumes you wanted, sir," said a random faceless grunt in
curiously generic military gear.

"Excellent," said Manga Man.  He threw one of the bundles to Manga Man
and unwrapped the other.

"What's this?" asked Manga Man, pulling out a long white cape.

"It's too confusing for the narrator to be calling us both Manga Man,"
said Manga Man as he locked a shiny black breastplate around his body
and stuffed his legs into jet-black boots. "This way, I'll be Manga
Man Black, and you can be Manga Man White."

"Makes sense," said Manga Man White. "Now, where were we?"

"Hmmm..." Manga Man Black checked the script. "Ah, yes, here we go...
Fool!  I'll have the truth from you if I must write it in your blood!"

Doubtless, Manga Man White thought, this is some scheme by my buisness
rivals to besmirch my already-tainted image... Or, perhaps, revenge
for alerting the LNH to the virus?  But where did he get his powers?

At this point, it didn't matter.  He had to escape, and fix what this
malefactor had done to his newsgroup.  So...

"Wait!" said MM White. "Of course, it all makes sense now!"

"Eh?" said MM Black, giving his counterpart a suspicious glare.

"Of course!  The men at the institute said that those memories of the
cloning tank were just dreams!"

"Oh really..." MM Black leaned in closer.

MM White sobbed. "Oh, I can't belive it!  I'm just a thing, a soulless


Manga Man White curled up in the corner of the cage, sniffling.  Manga
Man Black reached out to pat him on the shoulder. "There, the--"

*large explosion!*

MM White sailed out of the newly-forged hole in the wall.  That A2
(Absolute Angst) bomb ought to disorient his erstwhile duplicate long
enough for him to escape through the net.aether.  He could jump to
rec.arts.comics.creative and contact the LNH.  Certainly they wouldn't
begrudge a few members to take down one of their oldest enemies...


Far below, as a flash of energy took a four-dimensional curve out of
the newsgroup, a dimly glowing figure raised a comm.thingee. "Captain
Napalm here," he said. "Target has left, heading for your location."

Across net.space, someone answered. "Acknowledged." He lowered the
comm.thingee and opened his package.  Ah.  Perfect.

On the roof of the LNHHQ, Manga Man Gold stood waiting.


Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, any plot danglers I haven't
touched yet?

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