LNH: Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies #17(or 18 (or maybe even 19))

Arspitzer arspitzer at aol.com
Sat Feb 5 15:24:55 PST 2005

December 26, 2004

Five members of the LNH walked along a road next to a cornfield.  Off in 
the distance, there was an abandoned shack.  A windmill next to it 
slightly turned.

"Cat?  You *&%#@&* feeling all right?  You look kinda @#$%#*&!" said a 
concerned Innovative Offense Boy.

Catalyst Lass turned her head.  "Sorry.  I guess I'm still thinking 
about Cauliflower."

Innovative Offense Boy gave an understanding nod.  "It's okay.  I 
shouldn't have brought it @#$@$ up."

"And me and Hood had a fight over some stupid little thing before I left 
on this mission.  God.  This has just been one horrible week.  I want to 
smile about something.  But I can't.  It's like I've forgotten what 
happiness is."

"We all have &*#$@*& weeks like that.  Look.  We're going to find out 
what Manga Man's &*#$@#@ plan is.  And then we're going to *&#%@*& stomp 
the living #$#*@& out of it.  *&@#$%$ fight scenes.  They're the @#*&$% 
chicken soup for the @#@*&&@ superhero soul.  I know what I'm talking 

Catalyst Lass gave a slight smile.  "Maybe you're right.  Worth a shot, 
I guess."

"Hey, guys," interrupted Namer Boy.  "Is it just me, or is anyone else 
picking up this really weird feeling."

"Well this is alt.tv.x-files.creative," explained Pulls-Paper-Out-of-
Hats Lad, "Wouldn't it be more strange if we weren't experiencing weird 

"Yeah, maybe.  But still.  Are you people sure this shack's the right 
place?  I mean if I were going to destabilize the economy of a 
newsgroup, I'd probably do it from a place like Wall Street or 
something.  Not in some stupid shack."

"Well," said Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr.  "This is the place that Ultimate 
Ninja's source gave us.  I mean it probably is a trap, but it's our best 
lead.  So do we go in?"

"Wait!" said Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad as he took his top hat off.  "I 
have the ability to pull any kind of paper out of any hat.  I'd like to 
try and pull something from that shack.  Maybe I can snag some secret 
documents, or something."

"Sure.  @#$*&@# go for it." Innovative Offense Boy gave a thumbs up.

Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad reached into his top hat.  "This is 
strange," he said as he pulled a black piece of paper out of the hat.  
Oh no.."  Suddenly, Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad's body collapsed to the 
ground.  And before his teammates could do anything about it, they 
joined him twitching and convulsing on the dirt road.

                   I Became a Killer Robot Duplicate 
                    All I Got Was This Lousy Story

Now -- As in right as you're reading this story (well unless you're 
looking at it from the archives.  Okay, better make that Now if you're 
reading just after I posted the story)...

Catalyst Lass was lying on her bed reading a Hardly Kin Romance novel.  
She heard a knocking on the door.  "Come in!  It's unlocked."  She 
placed the book next to her pillow.  And she put on one of her patented 
super sunshine day smiles.

"Hi, Cat," Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. said as he made his way inside her 
room.  He shut the door behind him.

"Oh.  It's you."  The smile on her face soured.  A cold expressionless 
look took over her face.  "What do you want?"

"It's -- I guess it's a problem with my programming."

"What do you mean?"

"I seem to have forgotten my mission.  What we're trying to accomplish 

"How long has this been going on?"

"I don't know.  It seemed to happen this morning.  How did I get here?"

A troubled look made its way to Catalyst Lass's face.  "Hmm.  We might 
need to get you fixed.  Can you tell me anything you do remember?"

"I know I was created by Manga Man, but that's about it.  And that I 
took Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr.'s place."

"Right.  Well here's what you need to know, feel free and ask any 
questions.  Several weeks ago, the LNH sent three teams with five heroes 
apiece to three different fanfiction newsgroups.  They were checking out 
false rumors given to them by certain of our affiliates.  Each team fell 
to a trap that was laid for them.  They were separated and each one was 
stripped of their powers.  Their powers were then transferred to evil 
robot duplicates."

"Where are they now?"

"That information is not for you to know.  All that I can say is each 
one of the heroes has been placed in a different newsgroup.  Each one is 
heavily guarded in a very secret location."

"So they're still alive?"

"Yes.  For now."

"So we took these heroes places, but for what purpose?"

"At this point we're at stage two of the plan.  Our master, Manga Man, 
has triggered events that might destroy the RACCies, Saxon Brenton, and 
perhaps reality itself.  And he is also the only person who can save 
these three things."

"Why does Manga Man want to destroy the RACCies, Saxon Brenton, and 

"He doesn't.  He triggered these events so he could save them from these 
events.  When this chaotic add-on cascade reaches the point where it 
looks completely hopeless, Manga Man will step in and save the day.  
This new reformed superheroic Manga Man will ask to join the LNH and 
with a little help from me, he will easily get in.  The Ultimate Ninja 
might put up a little fight, but ultimately he will be putty in my 
hands.  A few months later there will be an election for a new LNH 
Leader.  And with the help from my powers as well as the evil robot 
duplicates like yourself, he will be a shoe-in.  Once he becomes leader 
of the LNH a purging will occur of all those heroes who aren't 
submissive to his rule.  He will then expand the membership to those 
superbeings that won't question his decisions.  Eventually, Manga Man 
will use the LNH as a force to prevent potential threats that harm the 
security of the Looniverse.  He will use the LNH to take down what he 
perceives as rogue newsgroups.  Eventually, one by one, these newsgroups 
will begin to fall down.  And one day, people will wake up to find that 
Manga Man's new Otaku Empire runs from the shores of alt.-1d all the way 
to the mountains of talk.rumors."

"God," Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. said to himself.  "And who are my fellow 
evil robot duplicates?"

"That information doesn't concern you.  If you need to talk to someone 
talk to me.  Your purpose right now is to act exactly like Ubiquitous 
Boy Lad Jr. and to do whatever you can to help Manga Man defeat the 
RACCies virus.  That is all.  You will be informed when stage three of 
the plan begins.  Oh another thing -- there are three robot duplicates 
of Manga Man running around the LNHQ."

"Three?  Umm why?"

"Because Manga Man is a genius," the evil robot duplicate of Catalyst 
Lass said it in a way that made it seem that that completely explained 
the question.  "Each one has a purpose to fulfill."

"So how do you know that the Manga Man that you're taking orders from is 
the real one?"

Suddenly, Catalyst Lass had an uneasy expression on her face.  "What do 
mean real?  Of course he's real!  He has to be real!  He's my master!  
He created me!"

"Right!  Sorry, about that.  Just some programming glitch, or something 

"Very well.  All the things that you have heard in this room, you are 
not to speak of, or even think about them.  You are..."  Catalyst Lass 
stopped speaking as she heard a tiny ruffling noise.  She looked over 
and saw that it was coming from a small bird.  A kiwi.

She looked at the kiwi with a very gentle expression.  "C'mere, sweetie.  
Was that you making all that noise?  Come on.  Over here.  I promise I 
won't bite.  Honest."

The kiwi had a very frightened look on its face.  It knew it should just 
run.  Get out of this room, but the voice of Catalyst Lass was too 
powerful to be ignored.  Kiwi #1238 made its way towards Catalyst Lass 
and hopped right on to her hand.  The Catalyst Lass robot lightly petted 
the bird's feathers with her finger while the other hand gripped it 
tightly.  "Now tell your Aunt Catty what you heard.  Everything."

And Kiwi #1238 said, "Kiwi! Kiwi! Kiwi! Kiwi!"

"I see," Catalyst Lass responded.  Then a sickening sound followed.  
Like a chicken bone being snapped.

"Oh, God.  You didn't have to do that!"

The Catalyst Lass gave Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. a very strange look as she 
put the lifeless body of the kiwi into a pillow case.  "Of course I did.  
What's wrong with you?  This creature would have jeopardized our 
Master's entire plan."  She gave Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. the pillow case 
with the dead kiwi.  "Now, I want you to dispose of this body.  Can you 
do that?"

Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. reluctantly took the pillow and nodded his head.

"Good.  Now please exit my room.  We will deal with your programming 
glitches later."

==--==      ==--====--==      ==--====--==      ==--====--==      ==--==

As Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. walked down the hallway carrying the 
pillowcase which contained a kiwi's corpse, he thought back on how he 
had arrived to this point.  He did remember being captured.  He 
remembered having his powers transferred to an evil robot duplicate.  
The thing was though, the way his powers worked he became the evil robot 
duplicate.  And the evil robot duplicate became him.  He was here right 
now in the LNHQ and he was also blindfolded and strapped to some table 
in some dungeon on some newsgroup out there somewhere.  It had taken him 
over a month to try and take control of his body, and even now he could 
feel the evil robot duplicate deep inside him trying to take control.

What was he going to do?  He had to tell someone about this.  Innovative 
Offense Boy, Catalyst Lass, Namer Boy, and Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad 
were obviously out of the picture.  He wondered who the other ten were.  
The Ultimate Ninja would be safe.  He hadn't gone on any of the 
missions.  Maybe there was a mission log somewhere.  Still, what would 
happen if he did tell someone?  He didn't know who all the robot 
duplicates were.  And what if he told Ultimate Ninja and they defeated 
them?  They would still have to deal with this RACCie virus.  And what 
if the evil Robot Catalyst Lass was right?  Maybe Manga Man was the only 
person who could defeat it.  Maybe it would be best if he waited till 
the chaotic add-on cascade was over before he exposed Manga Man's plan.

That made the most sense.  Yes, he'd have to wait.  Defeating the RACCie 
virus was the most important thing right now.  He just hoped he was 
making the right decision.  And he hoped he could survive this chaotic 
add-on cascade.

==--==      ==--====--==      ==--====--==      ==--====--==      ==--==

The Evil Robot Catalyst Lass took out her comm.thingee.  "Hi?  Doctor 
Stomper?  Is that you?"

<~Yes, Cat?  What can I do for you?~>

"I think there might be something wrong with the Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr.  
I think it might be necessary to take care of him.  Do you understand?"

==--==      ==--====--==      ==--====--==      ==--====--==      ==--==

"Yes.  I understand."

Dr. Stomper clicked his comm.thingee off.  He grabbed a weird looking 
gun out of one of his drawers.  A sinister grin took over his face.

==--==      ==--====--==      ==--====--==      ==--====--==      ==--==

What happened to the Grapety Purple Man?

Is Shoe Devil a poor man's Wondersock?

Who are the remaining nine evil robot duplicates?

Will the next issue actually be funny?

Does this make everything more or less confusing?

Will Manga Man's evil plan work?

How long will it be till Saxon bites the dust?

Will any of these questions actually be answered?

All this and more in....

Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies!

Innovative Offense Boy is uplink's
Catalyst Lass is Elisabeth Anne Riba's
This cascade is Andrew Perron's

This was inspired by Saxon's question about what happened to the LNH 
teams that the Ultimate Ninja sent to check out the fanfiction 
newsgroups.  I of course prefer evil scheming Manga Man myself.

Arthur "Rest in Peace Kiwi #1238" Spitzer

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