[BP] Scenes In the Life of Possible Man #3
drtimphd at gmail.com
Mon Dec 12 11:55:15 PST 2005
Boring Publications Presents...
Scenes In the Life of Possible Man #3
By Tim Munn
~Scene In a Grocery Store~
Possible Man looked from his grocery list then to the potatoes in the
bin. There were only a few, and of those few, nearly all were scrawny.
No potatoes today, then. He moved on to the canned goods section of
the store. He looked far and wide for the items on his list, but found
none. Possible Man noticed an elderly woman in front of a tasting
"Excuse me, why isn't there anything in this store?"
She looked up momentarily, then went back to work on the toaster.
"I'm sorry, sonny. But if I don't get this toaster to work, they
wont pay me! Will you help me?" she pleaded.
"Elderly Woman!, if I am to help you combat that toaster, then why
not combat those that threaten non-payment for their broken toaster?!
It is those who refuse to pay the elderly that need to be taken care
The Elderly Woman scowled. "Aw, can it! My son owns this place!
He'll pay me."
Possible Man was confused. "Then why did you say that he wont pay
"What are you? Some sort of retard? The plot had to move along
somehow, didn't it?"
Possible Man looked to her confused. What plot? A plot by little old
ladies to make him look stupid in public? Holy God...! If that were
the case, he thought, looking around, going temporarily paranoid. He
calmed down a bit; there was a plot to his life he knew, after watching
T.V. Church late at night.
Thus, he looked at the toaster, as it really wasn't working.
Possible Man looked at the connection between toaster and power cord;
Elderly Woman shook it violently several times, but still no toast.
Both Possible Man and Elderly Woman were about ready to give up hope
when a young woman walked up to them.
"Hi, do you need any help?" she asked.
"No, we're fine," Possible Man responded. He was immediately
whacked on the head.
"We need help with this toaster. It's acting up on me," Elderly
Woman said, smiling to the woman, scowling at Possible Man.
"I'm always glad to help out," the woman said, picking up the
toaster and giving it a once over. Three once-overs later, she came up
with her conclusions. "Well, I'm no Toaster Scientist, but I can
tell you, that toaster doesn't work!"
Possible Man looked at her in deep thought. Just seconds ago she had
come into their life, yet it was almost like he should know her
somehow. "You're the woman on those T.V. commercials!" Possible
Man blurted out.
She looked up from pictures Elderly Woman had retrieved from her
purse. She smiled. "No, I've never been on T.V."
"I think you're beautiful enough to be on my favorite soaps,
dear," Elderly Woman said encouragingly.
"Thank you," she blushed. "My mom's been on T.V. Maybe you
remember the Atomic Lady Science Hour?"
Holy sweet God, that's it! Watching all those hours of Atomic Lady
performing those experiments, well, Atomic Lady finally paid off.
"Oh yeah, I remember watching those. She was hot... um, ah, while
performing all those experiments! Oh boy... I'm sorry about her
accident. It was a sad day when she couldn't teach us... science
"Thank you. It has been tough in the years since, but we're
making the best of her situation," she sighed. It truly had been
tough on her Possible Man noticed from the way she talked and the
expression on her face. "Do you have a cup of water?" she asked
Almost instantaneously, Elderly Woman handed her a paper cup of water.
She placed it on the table, beside the toaster. She pointed a finger
in the air. "Stand back," she laughed. Elderly Woman and Possible
Man took a step back. At the very tip of her finger, a flicker of
flame came to light. She held the flame near the bread, toasting it.
"See," she said, ever smiling, "that's why they call me
Stop-Drop-and-Roll Lass. Well, usually it ends up a disaster; but not
today!" She plated the toast and took a plastic knife from its box.
She twisted off the top to some peanut butter, placed the knife inside,
picking up a slice. "Open wide!" she said, moving in on Possible
"Uh," was all Possible Man said before Stop-Drop-and-Roll Lass
shoved the peanut-buttered toast into his mouth.
Later... At the Local Hospital...
"Oh no! I'm so sorry! I didn't know you had peanut
allergies," Stop-Drop-and-Roll Lass sobbed. Elderly Woman would have
consoled her, had she not been at the Local Bingo Hall. So,
Stop-Drop-and-Roll Lass cried her eyes out. Possible Man opened his
arms to her, and she readily fell into them.
"You didn't know I had Peanut Allergies. I should have spoken up
sooner, had the story been plotted out differently. I at first thought
I should know you from somewhere, somehow; it turns out it was actually
your mother, but I think I should know you better than the woman that
almost accidentally killed me," Possible Man said, lifting
Stop-Drop-and-Roll Lass' chin.
"No, I don't think I could do that, what with mother and all,"
she said, wiping at her tears.
Possible Man sighed. Another possible serious relationship down the
tubes. This one had a legit reason to work too, since the woman in
question nearly accidentally killed him! The old
get-the-woman-to-nearly-kill-you routine almost always worked!
Stop-Drop-and-Roll Lass was truly one tough cookie to break!
"Maybe in the future, when things are different," she shrugged.
YES!! The trick did have a slight effect on her! On the inside,
Possible Man was definitely in party mode, but outside, he was plating
his best poker face. "Can I at least call you, when I'm in
"Ok," Stop-Drop-and-Roll Lass said, rising from the bed and
walking to the door. "I am going to Nursing School. You saw what I
had to offer power-wise; nothing extravagant," she sighed.
Goodbye," she said, giving him one last, long look. Possible Man
waved and made himself comfortable in his hospital bed.
Author's notes: Hmm... if only Saxon were to give this an
instantaneous review, I wonder what he would say. Well, I'm no Saxon
Brenton, but I'd have to say this is a story I pushed out, pushing
the concept of a significant other (Stop-Drop-and-Roll Lass) for
Possible Man. It also shed light to the facts that Possible Man has
food allergies, is not too religious beyond watching church on
television and relying on tricks to pick up women (his food allergy was
a lucky mistake on Stop-Drop-and-Roll Lass' part). Like I said,
I'm no Saxon Brenton, and should leave reviewing to him.
I got caught up with this story, having written a previous and much
longer version to Possible Man #3 (it didn't help any I kept writing
'Pointless Posting Man' in both instead of 'Possible Man').
Really, I'm no master at the love story, but I think I might try to
wing it with Possible Man and Stop-Drop-and-Roll Lass. The story
I've planned runs intermittently in Possible Man. Nothing too
regular, like Possible Man itself; loose and something different every
Characters created by and copyright Tim Munn
3:51 a.m. Est. 12/12/2005
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