[LNH/ACRA] The Road to Killfile Wars #12

cabbagewielder at yahoo.com cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
Sat Dec 3 04:11:36 PST 2005

	Kenneth walked into his small condo and walked directly to the couch
to sit.  Linda was in the kitchen heating up some pizza, he quickly
snuck some roses he picked up from some stand outside the subway stop
and it vase on the table.   Then he switched on the sitcom crapfest
that marred his Thursday nights.

	"This is Eric LeWard, Channel 12 News.   Could your family be hunted
by super villains?   Find out which Net.tropolis founding family line
could get you killed... news at 11," the man on the screen.

	Linda came in carrying a tray.   She placed in on the table.

	"Geez, how many people out there are related to super villains to
make that the top news story," Kenneth said.
	"This is Net.tropolis.   There are more super villains per capita
than there are lawyers.   Though occasionally the jobs overlap,"
Linda said.
	"It sounds like you know that from experience," Kenneth said.
	"I used to be a hero's... well... side-" she said.

	  A glowing ball came through the window.

	"What the hell?" Kenneth shouted.
	"Here we go again," Linda said.

	The ball blinked for a second.

	"This has nothing to do with you, Linda Gardener.   It has
everything to do with him... Kenneth Winchell... first cousin once
removed of Doctor Killfile," the ball said.  "Will you join us."
	"No way," he said.
	"Don't say we didn't warn you," the ball said.

	The Road to Killfile Wars #12
	By Jesse N. Willey
	Plot by Jesse N. Willey and Tom Russell Jnr.

	Elaine Coffee sat in the white walled room.  As the sun rose in her
window, the door opened.   Crompton stood in the doorway just in time
to see her to move.   The last few weeks had been harsh.   She'd been
gone from being a semi-permanent fourteen year old girl to being almost
twenty two.   She grew almost a foot in three seconds.   Since then,
things had slowed down a little.

	"Doctor Crompton, I didn't expect to see you up and about so soon
after your little accident at the Cracker Jack warehouse," she said.
	"Yes, well, we acquired certain medical technologies from Weinstein
some time ago.   Say what you will about the man's politics, he was a
shrewd negotiator," Crompton said.

	Elaine walked down the corridors.    She entered the medical bay and
walked over to a series of ten glass tubes.   Several were filled with
various Regal 13 agents.   She stopped in front of the fourth one and
gazed at the name plate.

	"Poor, poor Gary," Elaine said.
	<You always did have a thing for the bad boys.>
	"What?" she said.
	"I didn't say anything.   It must have been Jack.  He's been
complaining about 'telepathic echoes' during his err.... nightly
visits," Crompton said.
	"How are you coming along with treatments for that by the way,"
Elaine asked.
	<He's not really working on it you stupid twit.   He keeps me
sedated because he thinks I know too much.   He lets you roam around
because you're so naïve.   You're can the lab boys's Barbie
	"They're coming along just fine," Crompton said.


	Electra knocked on the door of the motel room.    After a few seconds
she heard the door unlatched and open.  Dalton stepped motioned for her
to come in.

	"What do you want?" Dalton said.  "You know how I am... I stay
up to catch the secret messages in The Tonight Show monologues, give
myself an extra layer or two of silver hat to protect my dreams and
then hit the hay."
	"Remember when I told you about those people who experimented on
me?" she asked.
	"Yeah, and they destroyed your sense of touch.  So?" He said.
"You've never gotten them back, right?   Well aside from those two
temporary occasions."
	"That's not," She coughed. "Entirely accurate.  Every time
I've accidentally rubbed against you... I felt it."

	Dalton smiled.

	"Ah.... So you're feeling a little frisky and you want..." he
	"No," she said.  "I just wanted to know why."

	Dalton stared blankly off into space for a fraction of a second before
gently removed the tin foil from around his head.

	"Remember back at the Cracker Jack warehouse when I detected those
nanites?" Dalton said.  "I've located the source."
	"So," Electra said.
	"They're in you," Dalton said.
	"And this means?" Electra asked.
	"I don't know.  Though I know some people who might," Dalton
said.   "Though it means calling in some favors with the most
dangerous, felonious, backstabbing intelligence service on the
	"The C.I.A.?" Electra asked.
	"Those rank amateurs.   They whole point of having a dangerous
covert operations network is not to advertise it.   No... I'm talking
about C.S.I.S."
	"The Canadian Secret Intelligence Service?   They just act as go
betweens and supply lines for C.I.A. and MI-5.   They're paper
pushers," Electra said. "Their own website says they are not a
secret organization."

	Dalton sighed.

	"And you buy that? You'd think after hanging around with me for
almost four months, you'd learn something.   Why did you think we
were on the road?  A series of pit stops where you could make a small
dent in the larger social issues of the day in order to be 'hip'
and 'relevant'?    Guess what Little Miss Super Hero.... It's not
like that at all.   When you chose to hang around with me you set
yourself up for a world of trouble and I'm just trying to show you
who the players are.   After that... you're on your own," Dalton
said.  "Now, if you'll excuse me... I need my Oreos before bed."


	Badass sat in his cell in The Hague.   Three guards were placed out
side of the cell which had been specially built for a nearly
indestructible prisoner.

	"You smeggin' U.N. ingrates just don't see it.   Whatever I've
done, I did it for you.  Not just the so called American Dream... but
democracy everywhere.     To protect you assmonkeys from some nasty
sons of bitches... people who would do everything I did without
discrimination.   The fact is freedom demands vigilance and
sacrifice," he said.
	"Yeah, yeah... whatever," The Guard said.  "You think that makes
you any different from any of the other pinheads in here?"
	"Tell me, Sergeant.... Do you put bullets on trial for murder?"
Badass said.
	"Oh no... here we go again..." the guard said.
	"I'm serious.   I am the product of decades of genetic
engineering.   Designed to have twenty three different parents.
Nothing but super genes from some of the most violent and vicious
people on both sides of the moral thermometer.   No other instincts
were selected.   I'm nothing but a heartless walking biological
weapon," Badass said.  "So when somebody tells me they want some
people offed, I say how many."
	"I see where this is going... it's the whole reason places like
this exist," the guard said.
	"I'm telling you, I didn't have a choice," Badass said.
	"There is always a...," the guard said.

	A globe flew in threw an energy bolt.  The three guards went down.
They flew right in to Badass's cell and hovered there.

	"Are you Badass.... The artificially construct twenty three
generations removed from Doctor Killfile?" the globe said.
	"Yes," he said.
	"Do you want to help us take down the LNH?" the globe said.

	Badass frowned for a moment.

	"No... they're good people," he said.  "I don't kill good
	"I think several innocent Fragbekis would disagree," said the
globe.  "But very well."

	There was a bright flash of light.   Several minutes later the guards
awoke to the smell of charred human flesh.


 	Gary Niceguy exited the healing tank.   He quickly toweled off the
nutrient bath and began putting on a fresh uniform.   He had just put
on his boxer's when Elaine walked in.   She was dressed like she
belonged in a nineteen seventies film about the nineteen fifties
complete with an over the top hot pink poodle skirt that you would
never have seen in the era.

	"You ready?   We barely have time to catch some dinner before
sundown," she said.
	"Sorry about that... Doc Crompton says a few more days and I'll be
all healed up," he said.   "And what's the big idea about

	Elaine shifted backed and fourth.

	"Oh nothing..." she said.

	An alarm klaxon glared.

	"All super powered personnel.  Report to battle stations.   The base
is under attack," Crompton said over the intercom.

	Elaine and Gary raced out of medbay.   People clogged the hallway.
Gary picked Elaine up and began to fly them in the opposite direction
of the running crowd.   Aerospace was crowded as even the aerial
security bots were taking up defensive positions to protect the staff.
 By the time they reached the control room, the one monitor that always
showed the sun was beginning to go dark.  Gary put Elaine back on the

	"Elaine Coffee.... We are here to recruit you in a war against your
grandfather.  Will you join us?" the globe said.
	"I've been working here trying to prevent war," she said.
	"Yawn!  Not another one..." the globe said.
	<It's almost time Elaine.   Let me talk to them.>
	"In a minute Jack," she said.

	Her skin bubbled and peeled.    Green jelly erupted from her pores.
When the process, which took mere seconds, was finished Jack Coffee was
standing there.

	"What?" Gary said.
	"I'll say..." Jack said. "Why am I wearing a skirt?"

	It was at that exact moment that globe blasted Jack with energy.  He
fell to the ground.  Gary charged the globe.

	"What did you do to her?!" he shouted.
	"Nothing.   That was Kult's work," the globe said.
	"What did you do to her?" Gary said.

	He grabbed the globe with both hand and began pressing down on it.
The hard light sphere showed no signs of fatigue.

	"I did nothing," the globe repeated.
	"What did you do to her?" Gary shouted.

	The sphere began to crackled and expand.    An energy burst knocked
the wind out of Gary but he did not hit the ground.

	"We have mad the first strike.  That is all," the globe said.
"But you're Regal 13.  Given the chance you would have done the
same to us."

	The globe vanished.   Gary rushed back to check on Jack.  It was too

	"He's dead," said Crompton.
	"It means the war we were trying to prevent has begun," Crompton

		The Beginning


Kenneth, Doctor Crompton, Dalton Asters, Screw You Over Lad and Badass
created by Jesse N. Willey.   Linda Gardener, Elaine Coffee, Gary
Niceguy, Deliah Killfile, Electra and Jack Coffee created by Tom
Russell Jnr.   This document copyright Jesse N. Willey.  Doctor
I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter created by Dane Martin.

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