[LNH] "Repost": Vel #13
martinphipps2 at yahoo.com
martinphipps2 at yahoo.com
Tue Aug 9 08:56:17 PDT 2005
Continued from where it got cut off...
"Nothing, Jen," Onion Lad whined.
Jen's spoon hit the countertop hard. Her face was
flush red with anger and Onion Lad clearly hadn't been
paying attention. He quickly put his pencil down.
He stuffed the notepad back into a nearby drawer.
"I just wanted to know what you were writing," she
"Umm... nothing. Really. Just the... uh... grocery list.
I have to remember to get food for Peelix the Cat.
He only likes fresh porkchops. Not the kind in a
can," said Onion Lad. "And a bottle of champagne."
"Eeeew! How'd you get stuck with him?" Jen asked.
"Actually, Ninja assigned him to look after me,"
Onion Lad replied.
The next thing Vel heard was a loud splash. He'd
appeared in a hot tub. The control device hit the
water, but Vel quickly pulled in out of the tub and
set it aside. A woman was across from him. Through
all the steam, it took him a few moments he couldn't
tell who it was.
"uh.... Sorry about that," Vel said.
"YOU!" she screamed.
Her long brown hair and the twinge of anger in her
voice was unmistakable. He made a quick sigh of
relief when he realized it was only Jen. Remembering
he didn't know when he was, he took a glance at the
remote to find out the exact date. Febuary 4, 2018.
"I'm not who you think I am. Not yet anyway," Vel
Vel got out of bed and put his pants back on as Jen
began breathing softly. He walked over to the
timeporter remote. It's screen flickered ever so
slightly. He turned some dial and flicked the switch
to activate it. Nothing happened. He jabbed it.
"Frig it!" he barked.
"Stop muttered in Dorfan and go back to sleep," Jen
"I've got to go," Vel said.
He opened up the shell of the device and tightened up
some loose wires. Finally, after making a few
annoyed grunts. He pushed the buttons again. The
normal red shimmering of timeporter gleamed, but small
sparks flew wildly from the device. A blinding flash
blasted Jen in the face.
"Vel! At least let me sleep!" she shouted.
Adamant Authority on Everything took a piece of that
Browsing Boy handed him. He picked up his magnifying
glass. After approximately eight point two seconds
he turned to Ultimate Ninja.
"This note was obviously written by a teenager.
More no more than sixteen years old. More than
likely a bilinginual. While they've probably spoken
and read English for sometime, it's not their native
written language. More than likely extraterrestial.
Though I wouldn't rule out Navajo or Russian as a
native tongue," Authority said.
"You can tell all that from a simple handwriting
sample?" Ninja said.
"You should see what I can do with a coke stain," he
"Uh... guys... this is all tres cool, but what's the
point," Browsing Boy asked. "I mean we've all figured
out what the clue means by now."
Adamant Authority on Everything simply glared at him.
"The ninja wanted a full profile on the person
whoever left the note. For all we know, it could be
leading us to a trap," he said. "Taup might have
hitchhiked or something."
"That would be bad, right?" he said.
"Yes," the Ninja said succinctly.
Vel appeared in a small study. A chalkboard
filled the room. A very long and very nonsensical
equation filled it from top to bottom. It was
obvious from the way it was written that whoever wrote
it wanted one simply easy answer. Vel examined the
scribbles. There were pieces of formula for
describing gravity, space, time, electromagnetism, and
the strong nuclear force. But none it really made
"Hello! Is anyone there?" came a soft voice with a
Vel stayed silent. An old man with curly, almost
clown like grey hair came walking toward him. He
smiled widely. Vel couldn't help but be impressed and
a little scared. Staring him in the face was one of
the true legends of science.
"Doctor Einstein!" Vel said.
"I know who I am. Who are you?" the old man said.
"And vhat is that nifty looking gadget you're
Vel stammered for a moment.
"Uh... I'm.... er... sorry for the hero worship Doctor....
But eh... my name is Vel. I'm from the future," Vel
"Oh-vhy didn't you say so my boy. Ve have a few
mutual friends. I have heard so much about you," he
said. "So-what can I do for you."
Vel tried to put his thoughts together. He thought
back to Sigmund's warning. Don't be afraid to as Al
for help. Here he was, in the early 1950s, in the
private study of Albert Einstein. He was like a
dream come true. There was some many questions he
wanted to ask. Some many things he wanted to
discuss. So he started with first and most pressing
"Um... which way to the bathroom," Vel said.
A second glowing ball floated Lazlo. This one had
only the words touch me print on it. Despite having
read Alice in Wonderland several times, he followed
the instruction. Then came a mind searing flash of
pain as he felt each of his body's molecules ripped
away. Just as he was willing to accept the abyss,
his mass just as painfully came back together.
"What the hell did you do that for? There are less
painful form of teleportation!" he shouted.
"Yes, but they would have set off the alarms,
brother," said Deliah. "And we couldn't have that,
Lazlo grumbled under his breath.
"Glad we agree," she said. "Now, let's begin our
plan... shall we."
Vel sat in Einstein's study for some time. They
talked for hours and hours. Finally, the
conversation drifted toward fixing his remote. Albert
smiled gleefully as he examined the device.
"Ah ha! I see ze problem. Ze circuits are vet," he
said. "I have just the thing."
He walked toward the bathroom and came back with hair
"Huh?" Vel said.
"Trust me!" Albert said.
Ultimate Ninja and the rest began to leave the
archive room when a bright flash of red light
appeared. Vel stood in front of them. He looked
dazed for a minute. Glancing at who was around, he
assumed Albert had known what he was talking about.
"Yo, Vel," Browsing Boy said. "I found the file
you're looking for. It's a video file. It's from
the BBC database."
"Oh, what is it?" Vel said.
"Red Dwarf, Season Seven, Alternate Ending," said
Ninja. "You know, the one they put on the videos and
"Ah! Now I know what to do..." he said.
Vel walked up to a nearby computer. He wired the
time device to a nearby ISB port and began typing keys
in. Ultimate Ninja pretended not to look as Vel
enhanced the devices range using the LNHs long range
deep space probe. The room flickered from the power
drain for a fraction of a second and then Carina
"Huh? How did that work?" Browsing Boy said.
"I was never missing," said Sing Along Lass. "Vel
was about to leave and Taup was about to be pulled
apart through time as I felt a timeporter beam grip me
and bring me here. He took me a few days into the
future, that's all."
The crowd sighed.
"We're just glad to have you back," said Ultimate
Vel, X'zchi, and Screw You Over Lad created by Jesse
N. Willey. Onion Lad created by Dane Martin and Tom
Russell. Reserved by Jesse N. Willey. Seductress
created by Martin Phipps. Ultimate Ninja created by
wReam. Sing Along Lass created by drizzt. Deliah
Joy-Killifile and Peelix the Cat belong to Tom
Russell. Browsing Boy is public domain. This
document is copyright Jesse N. Willey.
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