[LNH/LNH2] Vel #13
cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
Mon Apr 11 21:08:09 PDT 2005
Staring at the woman, Vel wonder how he thought he even had a chance.
She was a member of the Order of Golyez from an era where that
actually meant something. She was a good twenty years younger than
him. Vel had spent the past five years, well, his time anyway, back
on the homeworld at a desk job. If he were fighting a human, pregnancy
would have a hinderance. Dorfan women were a different story. He had
have a better shot fighting rabid vampires unfenced landlocked city of
"What's the matter, Future Man? No brave enough to shoot an
unarmed woman?" she snapped.
Vel took his stun blaster and turned it up to the highest setting.
He took a quick glance up toward the light fixture and fired. The
light came crashing down. He dove toward X'zchi and knocked her to
the ground. She cursed. Vel got up, and pushed the retrieve button
on his timeporter remote.
"As I said. I don't have time for this," Vel remarked as the
glimmering effect of the timeporter grabbed him.
The Search for Carina Part 3 of 3
By Jesse N. Willey
Vel got on the timeporter pad. Jen and Carina were at the controls
calibrating the signals so that Vel would be sent back to his own time
while future Vel would return to this time, only to another location,
"Tachyon emitters are at maximum," Carina said.
"Vel's synchronizer is transmitting," Jen said.
"Then let's get this show on the road," Vel said.
He gave them a wave. Carina pushed a few buttons and his body
disappeared from the timeporter pad. The screen's lights showed that
Vel had arrived at the Dorfan embassy.
"Seductress to Vel. Do you copy?" she asked.
"I'm through," said Vel on the come system.
"He suspected nothing," Jen said.
"Oh how naïve you are," Vel replied.
"What?" she said.
"Nothing, Jen," he said.
============================================================ "Nothing, Jen," Onion Lad whined.
Jen's spoon hit the countertop hard. Her face was flush red with
anger and Onion Lad clearly hadn't been paying attention. He quickly
put his pencil down. He stuffed the notepad back into a nearby
"I just wanted to know what you were writing," she said.
"Umm... nothing. Really. Just the... uh... grocery list. I have
to remember to get food for Peelix the Cat. He only likes fresh
porkchops. Not the kind in a can," said Onion Lad. "And a bottle
"Eeeew! How'd you get stuck with him?" Jen asked.
"Actually, Ninja assigned him to look after me," Onion Lad
============================================================ The next thing Vel heard was a loud splash. He'd appeared in a
hot tub. The control device hit the water, but Vel quickly pulled in
out of the tub and set it aside. A woman was across from him.
Through all the steam, it took him a few moments he couldn't tell who
"uh.... Sorry about that," Vel said.
"YOU!" she screamed.
Her long brown hair and the twinge of anger in her voice was
unmistakable. He made a quick sigh of relief when he realized it was
only Jen. Remembering he didn't know when he was, he took a glance
at the remote to find out the exact date. Febuary 4, 2018.
"I'm not who you think I am. Not yet anyway," Vel said.
============================================================ Vel got out of bed and put his pants back on as Jen began breathing
softly. He walked over to the timeporter remote. It's screen
flickered ever so slightly. He turned some dial and flicked the
switch to activate it. Nothing happened. He jabbed it.
"Frig it!" he barked.
"Stop muttering in Dorfan and go back to sleep," Jen said.
"I've got to go," Vel said.
He opened up the shell of the device and tightened up some loose
wires. Finally, after making a few annoyed grunts. He pushed the
buttons again. The normal red shimmering of timeporter gleamed, but
small sparks flew wildly from the device. A blinding flash blasted Jen
in the face.
"Vel! At least let me sleep!" she shouted.
============================================================ Adamant Authority on Everything took a piece of that Browsing Boy
handed him. He picked up his magnifying glass. After approximately
eight point two seconds he turned to Ultimate Ninja.
"This note was obviously written by a teenager. More no more than
sixteen years old. More than likely a bilinginual. While they've
probably spoken and read English for sometime, it's not their native
written language. More than likely extraterrestial. Though I
wouldn't rule out Navajo or Russian as a native tongue," Authority
"You can tell all that from a simple handwriting sample?" Ninja
"You should see what I can do with a coke stain," he replied.
"Uh... guys... this is all tres cool, but what's the point,"
Browsing Boy asked. "I mean we've all figured out what the clue
means by now."
Adamant Authority on Everything simply glared at him.
"The ninja wanted a full profile on the person whoever left the
note. For all we know, it could be leading us to a trap," he said.
"Taup might have hitchhiked or something."
"That would be bad, right?" he said.
"Yes," the Ninja said succinctly.
============================================================ Vel appeared in a small study. A chalkboard filled the room. A
very long and very nonsensical equation filled it from top to bottom.
It was obvious from the way it was written that whoever wrote it wanted
one simply easy answer. Vel examined the scribbles. There were
pieces of formula for describing gravity, space, time,
electromagnetism, and the strong nuclear force. But none it really
made much sense.
"Hello! Is anyone there?" came a soft voice with a German accent.
Vel stayed silent. An old man with curly, almost clown like grey
hair came walking toward him. He smiled widely. Vel couldn't help
but be impressed and a little scared. Staring him in the face was one
of the true legends of science.
"Doctor Einstein!" Vel said.
"I know who I am. Who are you?" the old man said. "And vhat is
that nifty looking gadget you're holding?"
Vel stammered for a moment.
"Uh... I'm.... er... sorry for the hero worship Doctor.... But
eh... my name is Vel. I'm from the future," Vel said.
"Oh-vhy didn't you say so my boy. Ve have a few mutual
friends. I have heard so much about you," he said. "So-what
can I do for you."
Vel tried to put his thoughts together. He thought back to
Sigmund's warning. Don't be afraid to as Al for help. Here he
was, in the early 1950s, in the private study of Albert Einstein.
This was like a dream come true. There were so many questions he
wanted to ask. Some many things he wanted to discuss. So he started
with first and most pressing need.
"Um... which way to the bathroom," Vel said.
============================================================ A second glowing ball floated toward Lazlo. This one had only the
words touch me print on it. Despite having read Alice in Wonderland
several times, he followed the instruction. Then came a mind searing
flash of pain as he felt each of his body's molecules ripped away.
Just as he was willing to accept the abyss, his mass just as painfully
came back together.
"What the hell did you do that for? There are less painful form of
teleportation!" he shouted.
"Yes, but they would have set off the alarms, brother," said
Deliah. "And we couldn't have that, could we?"
Lazlo grumbled under his breath.
"Glad we agree," she said. "Now, let's begin our plan...
=========================================================== Vel sat in Einstein's study for some time. They talked for hours
and hours. Finally, the conversation drifted toward fixing his
remote. Albert smiled gleefully as he examined the device.
"Ah ha! I see ze problem. Ze circuits are vet," he said. "I
have just the thing."
He walked toward the bathroom and came back with hair dryer.
"Huh?" Vel said.
"Trust me!" Albert said.
============================================================ Ultimate Ninja and the rest began to leave the archive room when a
bright flash of red light appeared. Vel stood in front of them. He
looked dazed for a minute. Glancing at who was around, he assumed
Albert had known what he was talking about.
"Yo, Vel," Browsing Boy said. "I found the file you're
looking for. It's a video file. It's from the BBC database."
"Oh, what is it?" Vel said.
"Red Dwarf, Season Seven, Alternate Ending," said Ninja. "You
know, the one they put on the videos and DVDs."
"Ah! Now I know what to do..." he said.
Vel walked up to a nearby computer. He wired the time device to a
nearby ISB port and began typing keys in. Ultimate Ninja pretended
not to look as Vel enhanced the devices range using the LNHs long range
deep space probe. The room flickered from the power drain for a
fraction of a second and then Carina appeared.
"Huh? How did that work?" Browsing Boy said.
"I was never missing," said Sing Along Lass. "Vel was about to
leave and Taup was about to be pulled apart through time as I felt a
timeporter beam grip me and bring me here. He took me a few days into
the future, that's all."
The crowd sighed.
"We're just glad to have you back," said Ultimate Ninja.
Vel, X'zchi, and Screw You Over Lad created by Jesse N. Willey.
Onion Lad created by Dane Martin and Tom Russell. Reserved by Jesse N.
Willey. Seductress created by Martin Phipps. Ultimate Ninja created
by wReam. Sing Along Lass created by drizzt. Deliah Joy-Killifile
and Peelix the Cat belong to Tom Russell. Browsing Boy is public
domain. This document is copyright Jesse N. Willey.
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