LNH: The Alt.riders #28
thad at eyrie.org
Mon Sep 20 00:02:15 PDT 2004
Blue Light Productions presents:
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| #28 | | | | | | | | | | | \ | | | | | | |___
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[The cover shows a whole slew of LNH heroes up against Drake. A spiky
balloon at the bottom reads "WITH SPECIAL GUEST STARS!"]
"LNH to the rescue!"
The flight.thingee circled the city once before touching down at Got.ham
city airport. The doors opened, and already they could hear voices from
inside. Chief Repp and Agent fixed smiles on their faces as the LNH team
sent to Got.ham exited.
The first out was the Ultimate Ninja, closely followed by Fearless
Leader. They both had strained looks on their faces (or, at least as much
of the Ultimate Ninja's face as could be seen looked strained), and were
more interested in getting fresh air than saying hello.
Next came the bulked up form of Limp-Asparagus Lad. Despite his
presence, something dramatic had obviously occurred inside. Retcon Lad
followed him, wincing. Mouse popped out next, ushering her mother,
Writer's Block Woman, from inside. "Just leave it alone, mum," she was
Finally, the reason for the hurried departures became apparent as the
final two occupants exited. One was the burly form of CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE
and the other was the rather indistinct shape of Fuzzy. "ALL I'M SAYING,"
CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE was announcing, "IS THAT THE PERSON WHO CALLED SHOTGUN
"Nuh-uh," Fuzzy replied. "I was there first."
"BUT THAT'S NOT THE WAY THE RULES WORK!"
"You, quiet!" Ultimate Ninja finally ordered CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE. "And
you, stop clouding his mind."
Fuzzy sighed. "You never let anyone have any fun."
"If I may say something?" Agent asked, and the LNHers turned to glare
at him. "Just wondering if we could get on with this?"
Ultimate Ninja threw a final look at the pair before turning back to
Agent. "Yes," he replied.
"Right." Agent started lecturing. "From what we've found out, Emanual
Drake has arrived here in Got.ham city, and somehow managed to get himself
a load of power. Using criminals called Speeed and Fade, he gathered up
all the diamonds, and somehow used them to take over people's minds. They
believe he's God." [Basically a recap of _The Alt.Riders #24 and #26_ -
"Diamonds?" put in Retcon Lad. "I guess that's possible," he mused.
"They're normally used for lasers, but they do have some mystic
properties. They have been known to power such devices as freezing guns
and invisibility rays."
"Quite," Agent put in. "He's also converted most of this town over to
believing in him. My team, Chief Repp here, and a few others have so far
"Then we must save them! For we are here to serve justice," Writer's
Block Woman started, but quickly subsided as Mouse nudged her
not-too-subtly in the ribs.
"We must save them," Agent confirmed. "But if we just go barging in,
Drake might as well be able to take us over too."
"Have you got a plan to do that?" Fearless Leader asked.
Agent shrugged. "We're just the advanced party. We can provide
reconnaissance, but we leave long term battles up to you."
Fearless Leader smiled grimly. "Then battle we shall."
"However did I get stuck with you?" Fuzzy muttered, as she and Writer's
Block Woman walked into the theatre where Agent said Drake was hiding.
"Because we are the bold!" Writer's Block Woman replied. "We are
together because we can stand against the night, and prove victorious."
"And it wasn't because our mental powers might be the only effective
weapon against being converted?"
Writer's Block Woman refused to be deflated. "That works in our
The theater was empty, but the stage lights were on, although the
stage was empty. The pair climbed onto the stage, and looked around for
any clue what to do next.
"Come foul villain, we are here awaiting your entrance," Writer's
Block Woman called.
"He left a while ago," a voice came from the side. They turned to see
Morph come out of the darkness to join them. "I've been keeping an eye on
this place, and there hasn't been any movement for a while."
"So why did Agent say he was here?" Fuzzy asked.
"Because he was," Morph replied simply. "And now he isn't."
"And?" Fuzzy prompted.
"I think I might have an idea where he is," Morph said slowly. "If
you're both willing to take a chance, we might be able to catch up with
"Then lead the way," Writer's Block Woman replied. "For where there
is villainy, we shall be there to stop it!"
Fuzzy just sighed.
Limp-Asparagus Lad and CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE were in the air, putting their
ability to fly to good use. Limp-Asparagus Lad was also scanning the city
for signs of drama.
"There's a wide field of drama over this entire city," he reported.
"Fairly low level, I could block it if we needed to. But there are also
pockets of higher drama," he said. "Any one of those could be Drake."
"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT," CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE
replied. "DO YOU KNOW WHERE DRAKE IS?"
Limp-Asparagus Lad considered repeating his comment about not being
able to differentiate the drama fields, but decided on a simpler approach.
"No," he said.
A figure in white streaked across the sky ahead of them, slowly
arcing through the air until he had caught up to and matched their
"I'm glad to see you here," the Net.Elementalist called out to them.
"From what I've seen, Drake is even more powerful than before."
"You've meet him before?" Limp-Asparagus Lad asked.
"Twice," the Net.Elementalist replied. "The first time around, he did
have some ability to influence others, but nothing on this scale!" [That
was in _The Alt.Riders #7-9_ - Footnote Girl]
"DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS?" CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE asked.
The Net.Elementalist nodded. "At least, I think so. We first
encountered Speeed at the docks, and he works for Drake. That is probably
a base of theirs."
Limp-Asparagus Lad concentrated on the docks. There was a sense of
drama there, but it felt old. Still, it was worth checking out.
"LET'S GO!" CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE said, turning in that direction.
Looks like the opinion was unanimous, Limp-Asparagus Lad thought, as
he and the Net.Elementalist followed in CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE's wake.
Fearless Leader had set up home base in the office of Commissioner
Hamilton. Unfortunately, Commissioner Hamilton had proved to be a convert
of Drake's, but Chief Repp was keeping him out of the way. Fortunately,
none of the converts were violent. Yet. So with any luck, they'd be able
to take care of Drake without too many problems.
However, it was never a wise idea to rely on luck.
Retcon Lad was assisting him, as they planned likely locations for
Drake to be hiding out. Retcon Lad was proving very useful for being able
to make sure there were detailed blueprints of the buildings they were
"And this," Retcon Lad was saying, "is the main underground sewer
system. I doubt anyone claiming to be God would be using them, but it's
something to consider."
"Right," Fearless Leader replied. "We'll need to search them, but
we'll leave that for later when we strike out at these other locations.
Uh..." This last was directed to the blue fat woman that entered the room.
"Oh, hello Missy," Retcon Lad said, looking up. "Has Agent sent any
"Yes," Missy replied, walking over to them. "In fact, big luck." She
held up her hand. "We able to find two diamonds that Drake leave behind.
Perhaps analysis give clue to breaking hold over people."
"That's great," Retcon Lad replied. "But we don't have anything here
on the scale needed to test those."
"Is there a laboratory nearby you can use?" Fearless Leader asked.
"I think we find something to do with these," Missy replied.
Mouse eyed her companion warily. It wasn't that she didn't trust the
Ultimate Ninja, it was just that she preferred to be in a different room
than him. Or a different building. City, if that could be arranged.
On Agent's advice, they were returning to the diamond stores, seeing
if there was anything still there that might have been of use. So far,
they had checked half the stores in town, and met with either a complete
lack of success, or a tale of how wonderful 'God' was.
Ultimate Ninja was quickly losing patience with this, and Mouse
wasn't far behind. Surely, there was something more useful they could be
They were about to enter another store when a movement made them spin
around, the Ultimate Ninja reaching for his katana. They both relaxed when
they recognized Dva.
"Glad I found you," Dva said, pausing to take a breath. "We've had a
tip-off from someone who was about to be converted. They managed to get
away, so if we hurry, we should be able to catch Drake before he escapes."
The Ultimate Ninja nodded. "Lead the way," he said.
Dva nodded in reply, and indicated which way they should go.
Mouse breathed a small sigh of relief. Finally, some action,
something to do! Although, considering they were about to go up against
someone who professed to be God, and could make people believe that, maybe
that wasn't such a good thing...
"Are you sure that's wise?" Retcon Lad asked, as he looked up to see Missy
playing with the diamonds she had brought.
Missy nodded. "Safe. Deactivated."
"Deactivated?" Retcon Lad repeated. "How can crystals be
Fearless Leader looked up from the map. "What are you talking about?"
Retcon Lad shrugged. "Just an odd choice of word."
"They deactivated," Missy confirmed. "If they activated, you would be
converted to believe in God."
Fearless Leader and Retcon Lad shared a look. "And by God, you mean
Drake, of course," Retcon Lad said.
"The villain," Fearless Leader put in. "The man we're here to stop."
Missy smiled dreamily. "God."
Fearless Leader leapt first, aiming to strike Missy before she could
do anything. All she needed to do, however, was let the diamonds go. As
they hit the ground, they exploded, sending out shards of light.
One such shard caught Fearless Leader as he was about to make contact
with Missy. Another shaft, from the other diamond, nailed Retcon Lad in
Missy's smile widened in glee. "God!"
The trio of net.heroes touched down at the docks, and took stock of their
position. "WHERE TO FROM HERE?" CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE asked.
The Net.Elementalist shrugged. "From what I've been told, Drake could
be in any of these buildings."
Limp-Asparagus Lad slowly turned around. "No place looks particularly
more inviting that the other. Any recommendations on where to begin?"
"Why not start at the top?" the Net.Elementalist asked. "We'll go to
the wharf's supervisor station."
Limp-Asparagus Lad inclined his head in agreement. "That sounds
Unfortunately, that plan relied on knowing where the supervisor
station was, and time was wasted whilst they hunted for it. Finally,
CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE took to the air, spotting a likely building, and they
made their way towards it.
"Now, odds are that the supervisor would be believing in God," the
Net.Elementalist pointed out.
"STRANGE THAT PEOPLE COULD SUDDENLY BELIEVE THAT A MAN COULD BE GOD,"
CAPTAIN CAPITALISE said.
Limp-Asparagus Lad shrugged. "At this point, it wouldn't be that
impossible to accept," he said. "When you consider the large number of
cults that have occurred just because of their leader being charismatic,
the idea that someone could take over the position of God by using powers
is perfectly reasonable. In many ways, it's more surprising that we
haven't seen this more often."
The Net.Elementalist nodded. "And you haven't experienced what
someone might go through, what might happen to reveal the face of God to
you," he said, opening up the door to the office, and leading the way
"You sound like you've had a religious experience recently,"
Limp-Asparagus Lad said, following the Net.Elementalist inside before
fully realizing what he had just said. He spun around, drama flaring up
around him. "We've got to get out of here," he said.
"WHAT?" CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE said, blocking the doorway while he tried
to catch up with what was going on.
Inside the office, the Net.Elementalist stood beside the supervisor
as she stood and opened her hand. On her palm, two diamonds flared
brightly, trapping the two net.heroes in their beams.
Not too far from the theatre, Morph was guiding Writer's Block Woman into
an indoor swimming pool. "I think he likes the baptism motif," Morph
explained. "Certainly God should baptize those who believe in him."
"Well, I'm here to fight him," Writer's Block Woman announced. "For
I, and my Block powers, are ready to leap into action at a moment's
"You certainly sound ready," Morph said, in what could be interpreted
as an admiring tone.
"We should all be ready to strike," Writer's Block Woman replied.
"And if we can do that with a sense of fashion, and stylish yet affordable
boots, so much the better."
"Quite," Morph said. By now, they were ready to enter the main
swimming pool area. "Want to burst in, or take a look first?"
"We do not skulk," Writer's Block Woman said. "But discretion should
be the better part of valour. Is there some way to see inside?"
"Allow me," Morph replied. He extended an arm, and slid it under the
doors. "I'll just create an eye and take a look about."
As Morph did this, Writer's Block Woman was distracted by a hissing
sound, but didn't see what could cause that as she looked around.
"He is in there," Morph reported. "But he is currently lying in the
middle of the pool. On an inflatable raft. Possibly asleep," he said.
"Aha! Then we have the advantage. I will go high, and you low, and
together we shall catch him in a two pronged attack!"
"Exactly my thinking," Morph agreed, and threw open the doors.
Writer's Block Woman launched herself in the air, her eyes focussed on the
recumbent figure in the middle of the water. His inattention would be his
Which was when a tentacle wrapped itself around her waist, and
suddenly dragged her through the air to slam into the water. Although the
water opened up around her, it was still like crashing through a floor.
And then there was the problem of no air underwater.
Writer's Block Woman flailed about, then the tentacle let go of her.
Writer's Block Woman struggled to the surface, and took in grateful
breaths of air as she looked around for the source of the attack.
What she saw was Morph wrestling with a figure she couldn't quite
make out. Writer's Block Woman struck out for the side of the pool,
feeling too water-logged for the moment to fly.
As she pulled herself from the pool, Fuzzy slammed Morph's head into
the concrete, making him go limp.
"Why do you attack our teammate?" Writer's Block Woman asked.
"He's no teammate of ours," Fuzzy spat. "He's the one that attacked
Writer's Block Woman gasped. "You mean..."
Fuzzy nodded (at least, so far as Writer's Block Woman could tell).
"He's been converted."
"But how did you get the jump on him?"
"I got the writer to forget about me," Fuzzy replied bitterly. "It's
not like I don't have any experience in that area."
"Ladies, if I might have your attention for the moment." The voice
sounded smooth, from nearby.
"There's someone else we forgot," Writer's Block Woman said
"Damn," Fuzzy replied.
Neither of them got any further before the diamonds struck home.
"A television station?" Mouse asked, as she, the Ultimate Ninja and Dva
neared their destination.
"God must think he can convert people through television," Dva said.
"Well, he wouldn't be the first to try," Mouse said.
Drawing his sword, the Ultimate Ninja said "I'll take point." Kicking
at the front door, making it spring open, he disappeared inside.
"Sure, be my guest, don't mind us," Mouse muttered.
"We'd better keep up with him," Dva said, heading inside. "No telling
what trouble he'll be causing."
In fact, the Ultimate Ninja was almost disappointed by the lack of a
challenge. As far as he could tell, the station was deserted. He paused in
the broadcast room to reassess his position.
"There's no-one here," he said to Dva as the latter caught up. "Are
you sure this was the location? I would think a God would keep an
Dva shrugged. "This was where I was told. We should look around
"There isn't anyone here," Mouse repeated as she entered the room.
"If Drake was here, he's not here now."
"Haven't you heard that God is everywhere?" Dva asked.
Mouse and the Ultimate Ninja looked at Dva strangely, suspicions
entering their minds. The suspicions weren't abated as Dva suddenly bent
"Get out of here!" Dva suddenly shouted. "I can't..."
Ultimate Ninja and Mouse turned to leave, but were suddenly blinded
as spot lights blazed into life. Some were immediately doused again as the
Ultimate Ninja threw shurikens into them, but there were more waiting.
Mouse squinted, trying to see the door, to escape, barely able to
make out Dva. Dva was still acting strangely, one hand clasped around the
other, but both hands moving oddly, as if independently.
There were several more crashes and sparks flew as the Ultimate Ninja
cleared a path to the exit. He was nearly there when the diamonds tumbled
from Dva's hand onto the ground.
That neither Mouse nor the Ultimate Ninja were looking at the
diamonds mattered in the slightest as they were both engulfed in the
You...you are known to me...your life is known to me.
"Who? Who are you?"
I am all around you. You are but a tiny speck, and I am everything.
"No, I am a person! I will not bow to you."
I know all about you. You have committed sins. Acts for which you are
"No! You can't know that!"
I do know that. Don't worry. Everyone is the same. Everyone does
these things. Everyone needs to be saved.
"But I didn't mean to do them. They weren't my fault!"
I understand. But still they trouble you, haunt you. Don't you wish
you could be free of them?
I can free you. I can forgive you all your sins. All you need to do
is ask. Ask your God for forgiveness.
"Please, God. Free me from this guilt. I beg of you. God, please help
I will. I do. I forgive you. For all your sins. You have my
forgiveness, and that's all you need. Your God forgives you.
You belong to me now.
They gathered back in the theatre. All of them. The Alt.Riders. The
LNHers. Speeed. Fade. The citizens of Got.ham city. All were present. All
basked in the presence of their God. He drank in their adulation before
"My people. How you adore me so, and how I adore you for adoring me.
I thank you." Drake smiled as the people cheered.
"But this isn't the end of it. It is only the beginning," he said.
"Although you believe in me now, there are people who don't. People who
must be saved. Finally, I think we are ready to take that final step."
Drake indicated the waiting LNHers. "With the LNH here, we have
proved that I am God of them as well, and so all shall fall to me.
"But the final task will not be an easy one. It will require great
power, and I must rest before I am ready. But, if you are interested, I
will reveal the last step to you."
The applause filled the theatre, shaking the walls, as the audience
showed their eagerness to hear Drake's plan.
Holding up his hand to calm them down, Drake left the stage for the
moment, to return with a trolley, a sheet covering the contents for the
"This is the last step. And it wouldn't have been possible without my
loyal servant, Speeed." Speeed bowed in acknowledgement as the audience
"With his help, I was able to gather the diamonds I needed to spread
my message out to you all. For the last part of this, I must spread my
message out to everyone else. This requires a diamond worthy of the task.
And such a diamond we do have."
Drake whipped off the sheet to reveal an exceedingly large diamond,
as large as his head, which glittered in the light on the stage, throwing
out shafts of brilliance. The audience gasped in appreciation.
"This, ladies and gentlemen, is the Burgenstock diamond. Famed for
being one of the largest diamonds in existence. With this diamond, the
final act shall be accomplished." [Speeed got the Burgenstock diamond for
Drake in _Captain Everything #1_ - Footnote Girl] Drake covered the
diamond again, making the audience groan in disappointed.
"Not to worry, my people. We shall bring the rest of the world under
my guidance soon enough. As I said, I need to rest first. But then, when I
am ready, I shall use this diamond to spread my message out, and then
everyone will come to believe in me.
"I am your God, and you all shall believe in me."
Drake let the applause at this go on, drinking it in, bathing in it.
It was a feeling he was willing to let play out for as long as he could
stand. However, he was not lying when he said that he had to rest.
Converting people was a taxing process, and this last act would drain him
But then...ah, but then, he would be God of all, his rightful place
in the universe assured for all to witness.
Drake smiled to himself. Complete universal domination was all he
needed in life to be happy.
NEXT ISSUE: Well, the Alt.Riders couldn't stand up to Drake. The LNH
couldn't stand up to Drake. There is now nothing to stop Drake being God
Praise be to God.
CREDITS: Okay...the Alt.Riders, Drake, Speeed and Fade are mine.
Limp-Asparagus Lad and Retcon Lad belong to Saxon Brenton. Writer's Block
Woman and Mouse belong to Jaelle. Fearless Leader, Ultimate Ninja, Fuzzy
and CAPTAIN CAPITALISE are currently public domain.
NOTES: I have to confess that I don't read as many LNH titles as I used
to, and so my characterization may be way off (let alone being rather
selective in the characters I used). So please forgive any
inconsistencies, and blame it on Fuzzy messing with my mind...
"Answers answered and questions questioned."
Blue Light Productions homepage: http://www.eyrie.org/~thad/blip/
"If a great state has decided by law that twice two is five, it would be
foolish to allow mathematicians to testify." - Comment during the Scopes
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