LNHY/ACRA: The Daily Super Short-Short Story #14

Arspitzer arspitzer at aol.com
Thu Sep 2 21:07:03 PDT 2004

<<Warning:  You might be endangering your soul to eternal damnation in 
hellfire if you read this series.  Just thought you should know that.>>

                  The Daily Super Short-Short Story #14

LAST TIME:  The Wondersock revealed his version of what happened to the 
Vending Machine of No-Free-Lunches.  And now...

              'Knows-How-to-Please-Her-Man Girl's Version'

I was just looking at it.  I was bored.  And I was just looking at it.  
It was about at that time that the Wondersock started talking to me.  I 
thought I was happy.  And it made me wonder if I really was.  Happy.  
And once I started wondering, I began wondering if this was all there 
was to life.  I started thinking about whether there was something more 
than just being Gotta-Luv-Me Lad's love interest.  It was a mistake I 
know now and if I could go back in time, but...

I had to know.  I had to know.  And so I asked the Wondersock to go into 
the Vending Machine and knock down a few snacks.  And everything went 
wrong after that.  He got stuck.  And I thought about running, but I 
didn't.  I realized that it was my fault that the Wondersock was 
trapped.  I had to get it out of there.

And I saw the sledgehammer.  And so I picked it up and started whacking 
the vending machine.  And after awhile everything disappeared.  The 
Garden.  Everything.  And you know what I felt?  Happiness.  I don't 
know why I felt it, but I did.  I felt happiness for destroying the 
vending machine.  I felt happiness that I was disobeying you.  I don't 
know why I did, but I did.

After awhile everything returned and I realized what I had done.  I saw 
the fragments of the vending machine and all the snacks that had spilled 
out.  I had already gone past the point of no return, so I figured I 
might as well try one.  And I did.

And then I looked and realized Gotta-Luv-Me Lad was right there watching 
me.  And then he went over and picked one of the snacks up.  I shouted, 
"No, please don't!  I'm damned, but you don't have to be!"

And he said, "No, you don't understand.  Without you I will be damned."

And that was when I realized what I had done.  Not only did I destroy my 
life, but in doing so I destroyed his.  It was at that moment something 
strange happened.  Water started leaking out of my eyes.  I wanted to 
stop it, but I couldn't.  I felt like some force was trying to drag me 
down to the ground.  But he was there.

And he walked over and wrapped his arms around me.  "It's Okay.  Honey.  
It's Okay.  There are worse things than being damned."  And that was 
when I understood what happiness really was.

And that's what happened.  As for the whole honey and fig leaves thing, 
I'd rather not talk about that.

I just wanted you to know that it was me that deserves the punishment, 
not Gotta-Luv-Me Lad.  Please be merciful to him.  That's all I ask.

TOMORROW: Gotta-Luv-Me Lad tells is like it is, or was.

Author's Notes:  Well that was kind of sappy.  Tomorrow's story should 
be better.  It has Kung Fu and Space Aliens!

Arthur "Version's Version" Spitzer

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