LNHY/ACRA: The Daily Super Short-Short Story #13

Arspitzer arspitzer at aol.com
Wed Sep 1 20:23:16 PDT 2004

<<Warning:  You might be endangering your soul to eternal damnation in 
hellfire if you read this series.  Just thought you should know that.>>

                  The Daily Super Short-Short Story #13

LAST TIME: Gotta-Luv-Me Lad and Knows-How-to-Please-Her-Man Girl had 
eaten from the Vending Machine of No-Free-Lunches without paying.  They 
realized that they were both naked and that the Readers were ogling 
them.  Trying to cover their naked bodies they slathered themselves with 
honey and fig leaves.  God came back from a Crossover and wondered why 
they were doing this.  And now....

                      'The Wondersock's Version'

So I was crawling down to the orphanage, like I do every Sunday.  I was 
going to read some stories to the poor li'l orphan socks.  But before I 
could get to the orphanage I felt something taking over my mind!  I 
tried to resist it, but it was too powerful!

Who took over my mind?  Glad you asked.  I believe it was that wicked 
harlot known as Knows-How-to-Please-Her-Man Girl!  I could feel her 
controlling my every movement.  My every thought!  I was a sock puppet 
to her will!

So she made me crawl up onto a tree branch.  And then she made me talk 
philosophy with her!  Philosophy!  Can you believe it!  There's nothing 
I hate more than talking philosophy!  But she made me do it!  And she 
laughed while she made me do it!

And then she made me blaspheme you!  It was horrible!  And me.  Your 
biggest fan!  I was a fan of yours back when it wasn't cool to be a fan 
of God!  And I'd just like to say for the record that you're the 
greatest God of all gods!  And I mean that!  No, really!  I mean that!  
You rock!

Where was I?  Ah, yes.  As if it wasn't enough for her to force me to 
blaspheme you, she then made me tempt her!  And before I knew it, she 
was making me crawl into the Vending Machine of No-Free-Lunches so I 
would knock down some snacks!  It was horrible!  Did I mention that it 
was horrible!  Well it was!

But something goes wrong and I'm stuck!  And at that point I try to tell 
her to stop all of this evil.  But does she listen to me!  No.  And the 
next thing you know, she's grabbing this sledgehammer.  And she starts 
whacking the vending machine like some psycho hopped up on Angel Dust!  
And I'm telling her to repent her evil ways.  But she's not listening to 
me!  And I'm praying for her soul, God.  But after awhile the vending 
machine has been completely destroyed with all its goodies spilled out.

So she starts grabbing all the snacks she can and chowing down.  Then 
the male human.. what's his name?  Oh yeah, Gotta-Luv-Me Lad joins her 
in this horrible crime.  And I'm looking at them and wondering how 
anyone could possibly get any enjoyment out of disobeying the Law of 
God.  It's a shame.  Just a shame.

Then after awhile they both start pouring honey and fig leaves all over 
there body for some reason.  And then you came back.  And might I add 
that it's great to have you back, God!  I was really missing you!

Well that's it.  That's what happened!  The truth.  And nothing but the 
truth.  So help me God.

TOMORROW: Knows-How-to-Please-Her-Man Girl tells her side of the story!

Author's Notes:  Do I have anything else to say?

Arthur "Guess Not" Spitzer

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