LNHY/ACRA: The Daily Super Short-Short Story #13
arspitzer at aol.com
Wed Sep 1 20:23:16 PDT 2004
<<Warning: You might be endangering your soul to eternal damnation in
hellfire if you read this series. Just thought you should know that.>>
The Daily Super Short-Short Story #13
LAST TIME: Gotta-Luv-Me Lad and Knows-How-to-Please-Her-Man Girl had
eaten from the Vending Machine of No-Free-Lunches without paying. They
realized that they were both naked and that the Readers were ogling
them. Trying to cover their naked bodies they slathered themselves with
honey and fig leaves. God came back from a Crossover and wondered why
they were doing this. And now....
'The Wondersock's Version'
So I was crawling down to the orphanage, like I do every Sunday. I was
going to read some stories to the poor li'l orphan socks. But before I
could get to the orphanage I felt something taking over my mind! I
tried to resist it, but it was too powerful!
Who took over my mind? Glad you asked. I believe it was that wicked
harlot known as Knows-How-to-Please-Her-Man Girl! I could feel her
controlling my every movement. My every thought! I was a sock puppet
to her will!
So she made me crawl up onto a tree branch. And then she made me talk
philosophy with her! Philosophy! Can you believe it! There's nothing
I hate more than talking philosophy! But she made me do it! And she
laughed while she made me do it!
And then she made me blaspheme you! It was horrible! And me. Your
biggest fan! I was a fan of yours back when it wasn't cool to be a fan
of God! And I'd just like to say for the record that you're the
greatest God of all gods! And I mean that! No, really! I mean that!
Where was I? Ah, yes. As if it wasn't enough for her to force me to
blaspheme you, she then made me tempt her! And before I knew it, she
was making me crawl into the Vending Machine of No-Free-Lunches so I
would knock down some snacks! It was horrible! Did I mention that it
was horrible! Well it was!
But something goes wrong and I'm stuck! And at that point I try to tell
her to stop all of this evil. But does she listen to me! No. And the
next thing you know, she's grabbing this sledgehammer. And she starts
whacking the vending machine like some psycho hopped up on Angel Dust!
And I'm telling her to repent her evil ways. But she's not listening to
me! And I'm praying for her soul, God. But after awhile the vending
machine has been completely destroyed with all its goodies spilled out.
So she starts grabbing all the snacks she can and chowing down. Then
the male human.. what's his name? Oh yeah, Gotta-Luv-Me Lad joins her
in this horrible crime. And I'm looking at them and wondering how
anyone could possibly get any enjoyment out of disobeying the Law of
God. It's a shame. Just a shame.
Then after awhile they both start pouring honey and fig leaves all over
there body for some reason. And then you came back. And might I add
that it's great to have you back, God! I was really missing you!
Well that's it. That's what happened! The truth. And nothing but the
truth. So help me God.
TOMORROW: Knows-How-to-Please-Her-Man Girl tells her side of the story!
Author's Notes: Do I have anything else to say?
Arthur "Guess Not" Spitzer
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