[LNH] LNH Comics Presents Special #10 Part 2
phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Thu Oct 14 17:43:03 PDT 2004
The Bridge Keeper
"Alright everyone," Irony Man said. "To get to the other side of the
river, all we need do is pass this bridge. That shouldn't be too
But at the bridge was a powerful old man. "To pass this bridge, you must
tell me five things I don't know!"
"Allow me!" chimed in Doctor Stomper. "This shouldn't be too difficult!"
"Alright!" the Bridge Keeper said. "Tell me something I don't know!"
"The atomic number of gold is 92!" Doctor Stomper said with a smile.
"Sorry! I knew that!" the Bridge Keeper said and threw Doctor Stomper
into the water. "Anyone else care to try?"
"I shall stump you!" Kid Kriby boasted.
"Very well then!" the Bridge Keeper said. "Tell me something I don't
"The main constituients of the universe are quarks, leptons and bosons!"
"Actually, I knew that," the Bridge Keeper said and threw Kid Kirby into
"You evil creature you!" Sing-a-Long Lass declared.
"Do you care to challenge me?" the Bridge Keeper asked.
"Well let's see... hmm. I know! Do you know the lyrics to the Spiderman
"Hmm. Let's see... Spiderman Spiderman... Yep! You lose!" the Bridge
Keeper said and threw Sing-Along Lass into the water. "Who's next?"
Bandwagon Chick came forward. "Um, did you know that Ben Affleck is now
dating Jennifer Garner?"
"Actually, yes, I did. Sorry!" the Bridge Keeper said and threw Bandwagon
Chick into the water. "Anyone else?"
Bad-Timing Boy wasn't sure what he could do. After all, so many others
had tried and failed. Then a brilliant idea occured to him. "I am thinking
of a number from one to ten!"
"Five!" the Bridge Keeper said.
"Hey! How did you--?" but before he could finish the sentence the Bridge
Keeper sent him into the water.
"You! Irony Man! Do you care to challenge me?" the Bridge Keeper asked.
Irony Man studied his opponent at length. Finally, he spoke. "Your fly
"Actually, I knew that! It lets the air in. I feel more comfortable that
way," the Bridge Keeper said.
"Ew!" Irony Man said before being thrown in the water.
"Anybody else? Anybody at all?" the Bridge Keeper asked.
Linguist Lass came forward. "How's this? The word 'kung fu' comes from
"Everybody knows that!"
"But in Chinese the word literally means 'skill'. Chinese people use it
to refer to any kind of skill and not just martial arts."
"I didn't know that. Four more!"
"Similarly, the word 'karate' is Japanese meaning 'unarmed combat'.
'Kara' means 'empty' while 'te' means 'hand'."
The Bridge keeper sighed. "Okay, I didn't know that. Three more!"
"And 'karaoke' literally means 'empty orchestra'. 'kara' means 'empty'
while 'oke' means 'orchestra'. It literally means that you hear music but
there's nobody there."
The Bridge Keeper shook his head. "That doesn't count. I already
conceeded that I didn't know any Japanese."
"Alright. In Chinese, karaoke is pronounced 'karaokay' but the Chinese
have no characters that are pronounced 'o' and 'kay' so when they write
'karaoke' they use the letters 'O' and 'K' from the Roman alphabet."
"Okay, I didn't know that. Two more!"
"Incidentally, the word 'okay' dates back at least as far as the second
world war. Fighter pilots returning from an arial battle would give the OK
symbol to signify that nobody got killed. Here, the 'O' meant zero, as in
"I didn't know that. One more!"
"The American expression 'long time no see' was introduced by Chinese
immigrants. 'Long time no see' is grammatically correct when translated
word by word into Chinese. In English, it is not grammatically correct but
it is a lot easier to say than 'It has been a long time since I last saw
you!' so Americans in general have adopted the phrase rather than declare it
"I didn't know that... BUT I might have known that if I knew Chinese and I
already conceeded that I didn't. Try again!"
"Alright. The word taiphoon means the same thing as hurricane. For Asian
people, it reminds them of the Japanese word for big, namely 'tai' and the
Chinese word for wind, namely 'feng'."
"As I already told you, I don't know any Japanese or Chinese so trying to
impress me with your linguistic abilities isn't going to work anymore. Ha
"But taiphoon isn't a Japanese or Chinese word! It actually comes from
ancient Greek! The word commonly used in the United States, namely
hurricane, is a more recent Spanish word!"
"Ahh!" the Bridge Keeper screamed. "Very well, you may pass!"
Linguist Lass smiled and proudly crossed the bridge. Then she helped
Irony Man, Doctor Stomper, Kid Kirby, Sing-Along Lass, Bandwagon Chick and
Bad-Timing Boy out of the water.
"Good work, Sing-Along Lass!" Irony Man said. "Now we can continue with
"Right," Bad-Timing Boy said. "Does anybody happen to know just what that
is? I don't think it was mentioned in the narration."
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