LNH: LNH Comics Presents Special #10

[Martin Phipps]

                                             LNH Comics Presents Special #10

  "Mr. Ninja!  Mr. Ninja!"
  "What is it, Cannon Fodder?  Can't you see I'm
busy?"
  "There's a big emergency?!"
  "What could be so important as to interrupt my tea
time?"
  "It's Lagneto!  He's teamed up with Acton Lord and
they are going to destroy the world!"
  "Is that all?  You interrupted me just to tell me
that?  Have at thee!"
  "Arggghhh!!!"
  "Ahhhh!!!"
  "What now?"
  "You killed him!"
  "Thank you, Sister State-the-Obvious."
  "What do you mean by that?"
  "What do you mean what do I mean?  That's your name,
right?"
  "My codename, yes, but the way you said it.  Are you
implying I stated something obvious?"
  "Well, let's see.  Cannon Fodder is bleeding.  He
isn't breathing.  His head has been chopped off.  Yep,
I'd say it was pretty obvious he was dead!"
  "Well excuse me for breathing!"
  "Sorry!  I won't accept breathing as an excuse!
Have at thee!"
  "Ahhhh!!!"
  "You bastard!"
  "Ah, Master Blaster, what do you want?"
  "You killed my wife!  Now I will kill you!"
  "Wait!  Before you do, there is one thing I have to
say!
  "What is that?"

                                    "LIVE FROM NET.YORK, IT'S SATURDAY.NET!"

  "Live from Net.York, it's Saturday.net Live!  With Rec.hel Dratch, Jimmy 
Fal.LAN, Ti.net Fey, Dar.rec Hammond, Chris Net.tan, Chris Par.net, Maya 
Ru.DOS, Ho.rec.IO Sanz, musical guest Em.net.em and your host... Bad Pun Boy!"
  "Well, hey, it's great to be hosting Saturday.net Live here at the NBC 
Studios here in Net.York!  These studios are not only significant in terms 
of television history, they are a nexus of realities from which you can 
travel to other dimensions!  Seriously, if you walk through that door over 
there you will be transported to another place and other time!  Yeah!  
Outside, a few seconds later!  Ha!
  "Seriously though, from here I was able to travel to Earth-Gay and met 
Fagneto.  He's just like Lagneto but instead of being superpowerful, he's 
just supergay.  Not that there's anything wrong with that but I, personally, 
found it a bit creepy when he started coming on to me.
  "So, as fast as I could, I left Earth-Gay and traveled to the Marvel 
Universe.  There I met Magneto and I thought `Wow, this is the guy who all 
the other *agneto guys were based on!' so I tried to get a quote from him 
for all you people here on Looniearth!
  "Unfortunately, that was when Marvel's lawyers showed up and advised him 
not to say anything because he was their character and he wasn't allowed to 
make any appearances outside of the Marvel Universe.  He looked a bit 
confused and asked about those two X-Men movies he did and they explained 
that Fox had paid for the license to use him whereas I hadn't, so after much 
discussion between him and them all I managed to get from him was `No 
comment'.
  "Finally, I journeyed to the Comedy Looniverse and met Gagneto.  Now, just 
as Lagneto is the most powerful mutant in the Looniverse and Fagneto is the 
gayest guy in Earth-Gay, Gagneto is the funniest guy in the comedy 
Looniverse.  And that meant that he inevitably came in conflict with that 
Looniverse's LNH, the Legion of Net.humourists, led by Kid Cosby who took 
over as leader when Comedy Champ went off into space.  It features members 
like Master Zinger and Old Comedy Man as well as a lot of people who's 
codenames are the same in both Looniverses.  Deja Dude in the Comedy 
Looniverse is just like our Deja Dude except he keeps telling jokes that 
everybody has heard before.
  "Just about everybody in the Comedy Looniverse thinks they're a comedian.  
One exception is Easily Discovered Man Lite who, in the Comedy Looniverse, 
is a very serious straight man, if you can imagine that.  I guess the Comedy 
Looniverse is a kind of mirror Looniverse except that rather than switching 
evil and good, it switches serious and funny.  So it would make sense that 
Gagneto would be the funniest guy in the Comedy Looniverse.  After all, when 
was the last time you heard Lagneto crack a joke?
  "Anyway, I was thinking of bringing Gagneto over to appear here on 
Saturday.net Live but then I thought `Hell, no!  This is my show!'  Maybe 
some other time.  For now, you'll just have to settle for me and the regular 
cast of Saturday.net!  But don't worry!  Because we've got a great show 
tonight with musical guest Em.net.em!  Woah!  We'll get started right after 
these messages!"

  "Tired of being an ordinary human?  Always wanted to be a net.ahuman?
  "Well, don't worry anymore!  Recent scientific discoveries have shown that 
gamma radiation, at moderate doses and specific frequencies, can actually 
give ordinary humans superhuman powers!  Just listen to what gamma radiation 
exposure did to this test subject!"
  "I used to be just an ordinary person with no extraordinary 
characteristics whatsoever.  I considered maybe joining the LNH as Boring 
Guy but then I found out that they already had a Limp Asparagus Lad.  What 
was I to do?
  "So I had myself bombarded by gamma radiation!  Now I've got these cool 
looking blisters all over my body!  And my hair is starting to fall out!  I 
think I'll call myself Bad Blistering Guy!  Hack!  Hack!  Hack!  Oh dear!  I 
seem to have caught a cold."
  "Okay, so maybe gamma radiation isn't for everybody, but..."

  >CLICK<

  "Enough of that."  Deja Dude shook his head in dismay.  "Maybe I'll go 
rent a movie.  If I hurry the video store will still be open."

                                        THE END

CREDITS

Ultimate Ninja, Cannon Fodder and Sister State-the Obvious created by wReam.
Lagneto created by Jef Kolodziej.
Easily Discovered Man Lite created by Rob Rogers.
Limp Asparagus Guy created by Saxon Brenton
Master Blaster and Deja Dude created by me.

Martin

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