[LNHY] Teen Fascists #6
phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Wed Nov 17 18:36:05 PST 2004
Teen Fascists #6: Versus Dir.mandu!
We had just tracked down Dr. Peculiar only to end up facing his
"Alright, Dr. Peculiar," I said. "Who is this guy and what is the
quickest way to defeat him?"
"He's a magical being," Dr. Peculiar told us, "so the only way to defeat
him is through magic!"
"Screw that!" Detender said.
"Indeed," Double Jeopardy said. "We couldn't sanction that."
"We'll deal with this guy our way!" Militia Man said and then proceeded to
open fire on the creature.
But Dir.mandu just laughed.
"It seems to be having no effect," Judge observed. "He appears to be
"We'll see about that!" Cruel said.
"Yeah," Unusual said. "We'll crush him like a tin can!"
Thing is, with Dir.mandu hovering above the floor, there was little that
Cruel and Unusual could do beyond swat at the demon's feet. Nevertheless,
the brothers celebrated every time one of their blows connected, even if it
meant that they'd only managed to hit one of its ankles or its heal.
Finally, the demon got sufficiently annoyed by the brother's efforts that
it decided to respond. "Flame on!" it said and then the creature's entire
body burst into flame.
"Whoa!" Cruel said.
"Yeah!" Unusual said. "We must have done something! It's on fire!"
"Yeah," Cruel said, "but now he's a little bit too hot to handle!"
"Ow!" Unusual said. "I see what you mean, Bro! When I hit him I end up
burning my hands!"
"Maybe we need to retreat and ask Unification Man what our next move is!"
"I'm with you, Bro!" Unusual conceded and they both backed off.
"What are we going to do?" Search asked me.
"He seems unstoppable!" Seizure said.
It didn't seem as though we had much choice. "Alright, Dr. Peculiar," I
said. "For the sake of the greater good I will allow you to practice your
black craft for this one time only!"
"You can do better than that," Dr. Peculiar said.
"You are negotiating at a time like this?" I asked, appalled.
"I want amnesty," he said.
"I can't guarantee that," I told him.
"Then at the very list I want you to take me and the Hosts of Hogwarts off
your radar," he suggested. "I want you to at least try to accept that
people might have world views that differ from your own."
"No deal!" I said.
"Then there's nothing I can do," he said.
"Wait!" I said. I sighed deeply. "First you defeat Dir.mandu and then
we'll talk about..."
"Tolerance," Dr. Peculiar said. "I want you fascists to learn some
"We'll come to an accomodation," I said, "provided it doesn't imply any
outright condoning of your religious practices --and then only if you're
actually able to defeat Dir.mandu!"
"Deal!" Dr. Peculiar said and then he proceeded to rise up in the air and
face Dir.mandu eye to eye.
"Aha!" Dir.mandu said. "Finally! A worthy challenger!"
Dr. Peculiar began his encantation. "By the Hairy Hosts of--" he started
to say but then suddenly he found himself unable to finish.
"Ha ha!" Dir.mandu said. "How easy it is to defeat the Encanter Extreme
of this dimension! All I have to do is cast a spell that prevents him from
talking and he is helpless! Ha ha ha!"
"You haven't won yet!" Amy said. We had assumed that Dr. Peculiar's
groupies had fled along with everyone else in the mall but apparently they
felt some genuine loyalty to their idol.
"That's right!" Vicky said. "We know the counter spell that will get Dr.
Peculiar talking again!"
The two gothic teenaged girls joined hands and started their encantation.
"By the Hairy Hosts of Hogwarts, may the bonds that prevent the good doctor
from speaking hearby be lifted so that he may speak once more!"
"Ah!" Dr. Peculiar said and then took in a deep breath. "Thank, you young
ladies! And now, by the Hairy Hosts of Hogwarts, I hereby banish you back
to the dimension from whence you came! Begone!"
"NOOOO!!!!" Dir.mandu screamed as a vortex opened up behind him and sucked
him out of our dimension, presumably back to the dimension he had come from.
"It is done!" Dr. Peculiar said.
"Well, yes," I said.
"You aren't going to go back on our deal, are you?" Dr. Peculiar asked.
I sighed. "Seems to me that I only agreed to let you go _this time_. If
at any piont in the future there is a public outcry to bring you to justice
or, equivalently, a Presidential order to track you down, then I assure you
as sure as we are standing here today that we will track you down and we
will bring you to justice."
"And in the meantime?" he asked.
I grimaced. "In the meantime, you are free to go."
Dr. Peculiar nodded. "That is good to hear." He turned to his groupies.
"Do you ladies want to watch as I perform a spell of transportation that
will send me and Mr. Wong back to our sanctum?"
"May we come with you?" Amy asked.
"Oh, yes please, may we?" Vicky asked.
"Um, how old are you two?"
"We're both seventeen!" Amy said.
"But I'll be eighteen in just a few months," Vicky said.
"Right," Dr. Peculiar said. He obviously decided that his legal situation
was tenuous enough as it was. "Maybe some another time. Like, maybe, late
"Cool!" the two teenagers said excitedly.
"Alright, Mr. Wong, get ready!" Dr. Peculiar said as his agent walked over
and joined him by his side. "By the Hairy Hosts of Hogwarts, I transport
myself from where I said to the sanctum that I call my home!"
And, just like that, he was gone.
"You let him get away," Detender said.
"We didn't have much of a choice," Judge pointed out.
"I know," Detender said.
"At least we learned a bit about this Hogwarts place," Double Jeopardy
said. "That's a start."
"I'm going to have to think about lacing my bullets with garlic or
something," Militia Man said.
"That only works on vampires," Search said.
"You could try holy water," Seizure suggested.
"If only that Dir.mandu had been man enough to stand on the floor!" Cruel
"Yeah!" Unusual said. "It was cowardly of him to float above us like
"We could have beaten him given the chance!" Cruel said.
"Yeah!" Unusual said. "We would have slapped him up real good!"
Maybe. But as I said before, Van Hel.sig was out there ready to deal with
menaces like that. And apparently Dr. Peculiar, for now, was there to deal
with the ones that might slip by him. Perhaps we needed to accept other
ways of life as long as they could be made useful.
Perhaps. As long as they remained useful, that is. Then we'd round them
all up and throw away the key.
ADD.NOTES: Hmm. That turned out okay. It establishes Dr. Peculiar as a
wildcard so that means we can write a new wildcard entry:
NAME: Dr. Stephen Peculiar
CREATED BY: Martin Phipps (martinphipps2 at yahoo.com)
TYPE: Usable Without Permission
SECRET IDENTITY: None
POWERS: None, really.
ADD NOTES: Calls upon the "Hairy Hosts of Hogwarts" to do magic
APPEARANCE: Looks like Timothy Dalton with a goatee. Wears red and
yellow flowing robes.
ALLIES: Hosts of Hogwarts (three teenagers, two boys and one girl);
groupies like Amy and Vicky; his agent, a Mr. Wong
ENEMIES: Dir.mandu, Teen Fascists
FIRST ISSUE: Teen Fascists #5
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