[LNHY] Teen Fascists #2

Martin Phipps phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Sun Nov 7 21:37:02 PST 2004

             Teen Fascists #2: Fugitives!

  We had broken into the Screen Actor's Guild headquarters only to have its 
leader, SAGneto, slip away.  That was when we noticed the digital readout.
  "Um, guys," Detender said, "it looks to me as though we have only three 
minutes to get out of this building before it explodes!"
  "Why don't we go down the elevator after SAGneto?" Cruel asked.
  "Hey, yeah!" Unusual added.
  "No," I said, "SAGneto's taking the elevator down.  By the time the 
elevator comes back up, we'd all be dead already.  We need to go back the 
way we came.  Hurry!  We've barely got two mintues left!"
  It took us another thirty seconds to get into the elevator, about a minute 
to get down to the ground floor and almost another thirty seconds to get 
clear of the building before it exploded.
  "They tried to kill us!" Militia Man said with righteous indignation.
  I nodded.  "Alright, everybody, into the Fascist Flier!"
  Once we were inside, we check each other for injuries: Double Jeopardy had 
a minor cut, Search and Seizure had some minor burns and Judge had twisted 
her ankle.  All in all, we had been very lucky.
  "Alright, good.  Let's go home!"

  Having returned to Teen Fascist Headquarters, we went to check in with 
Father Priest to tell him what had happened.
  "Father Priest, we went to SAG Headquarter and found Eric Murdock," I told 
him.  "He's evil!  He dresses like the devil and calls himself SAGneto!  But 
he escaped!  And then the building exploded!  We barely got out alive!"
  "I know," he said.
  "You know?"
  "It's all on the news."  He picked up the remote, pointed it at the TV and 
turned up the sound.
  >>Repeating our top story at this hour!  Here we see footage of the Teen 
Fascists attacking the Baldwin Brothers and breaking into SAG Headquarters.  
Minutes later, we see the Teen Fascists leaving the building just before it 
exploded.  SAG President Eric Murdock had this to say:
  >>They tried to kill me!  I barely made it out alive!<<
  "We've been framed!" Double Jeopardy said.  "It was all a set up!"
  "Yeah," I said, "they made it look as though we attacked the Baldwin 
Brothers, broke into the building and blew it up!"
  "Well, actually," Judge said, "except for that last part, we _did_ do all 
  I grimaced.  "You know what I mean."
  Just then, the Fascist Fone rang.
  "I'll get it," I said.  "Hello?"
  >>Is Unification Man there?<<
  >>This is Major Lee Serious of the Deadly Serious Squad.<<
  "What can I do for you, Major Serious?"
  >>I am calling to inform you that the President has disavowed the Teen 
  >>What's more, you are to be brought in to face charges in connection to 
the attempted murder of Eric Murdock and property damage at SAG 
  "Oh come on!  You can't be serious!"
  >>I _am_ serious.  I'm _deadly_ serious.<<
  "You know what I mean.  We're innocent!"
  >>I don't care.  I'm just doing my job.  We'll be there in a few minutes.  
Will you be ready to surrender?<<
  "Oh, don't worry," I said.  "We'll be ready for you!"  I put down the 
  "What is it?" Search asked.  "What's wrong?"
  "We've been disavowed," I told her.
  "Disavowed?" Seizure asked.
  "We're no longer agents of the Loonited States Government!"  I turned to 
Father Priest.  "Father, what can we do?"
  Father Priest sighed.  "I'm sorry but if you've been disavowed then I can 
no longer advise you!  I am here as an appointee of the Loonited States 
government and must do as President Luthor would have me do.  I'm sorry.  
You are on your own."
  "That's okay," I said.  "I understand."
  "So what are we going to do?" Militia Man asked.
  "It seems to me that we have three options: one, wait for the Deadly 
Serious Squad to arrive and surrender to them."
  Detender shook his head firmly.  "Surrender is not an option!"
  "Two, wait for the Deadly Serious Squad to get here and fight them off."
  Nobody wanted to dismiss that option out of hand but it was clear that 
everybody was a bit uneasy with the prospect of taking on the Deadly Serious 
  "What's the third option?" Double Jeopardy asked.
  "Three, we run like hell."
  "Oh!" Cruel said.  "I like that one!"
  "Yeah," Unusual said.  "Running like hell seems like a good idea to me 
  "Alright then," I said.  "All in favour of running like hell, raise your 
  They all raised their hands.  It was unanimous.
  "Alright then, let's go!"  We headed back to the Fascist Flier.  What 
happened next was related to me later by Father Priest.

  Major Lee Serious and the rest of the Deadly Serious Squad stormed into 
Teen Fascist Headquarters and confronted Father Priest.
  "Alright, where are they?"
  "They left.  You just missed them."
  "What?"  Major Lee Serious was visably upset.  "I told them to wait here 
for me to come get them."
  "Maybe they didn't want you to get them."
  "Maybe they didn't want--?  Look, it would have been much better for them 
if they had surrendered peacefully.  Running away just makes them look 
  "Maybe they're going to prove their innocence.  Maybe find out more about 
SAG and SAGneto."
  "SAGneto?  Who's SAGneto?"
  "Exactly.  You don't know what's going on.  How can you say what is best 
for them?"
  Major Lee Serious shook his head.  "All I know is that running away makes 
them look guilty and now you're telling me that they're off on another 
mission against SAG!  That's just what we need!  Armed, government trained 
teenagers running amok with the intent to attack public figures!  This is a 
disaster!  A total disaster!"

  We had made it back to the Fascist Flier and had been able to take off 
without incident.  This gave us time to reflect on what had happened over 
the past few hours.
  "There's no way they could have known we were coming," I reasoned.  "How 
did they did video footage of us like that?"
  "Maybe it was an amateur video?" Search suggested.
  "Yeah!" Seizure said.  "Like Rodney King!"
  Double Jeopardy shook his head.  "No.  That was professional camera work."
  "What are you suggesting?" I asked.
  "I'm suggesting that there was somebody waiting outside of SAG Headqurters 
on the off chance that we'd come there.  Someone with experience shooting 
live action footage."
  "But who?"
  Double Jeopardy smiled.  "Who was the film maker who put out the expose of 
the atheist camps?"
  We all realised who he was talking about.

                   TO BE CONTINUED!

Teen Fascists name and concept by Arthur Spitzer.
Major Lee Serious and the Deadly Serious Squad created by Arthur Spitzer.  
Other characters created by me.


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