[LNH] Bride of C'thulhu #7 -- A Chaotic Add-On Story

[Martin Phipps]

The Legion of Net.Heroes were meeting en masse in the Central Control
Center.

  "Cyg.net.a has transformed most of Net.Eng.lan, including all of
Net.tropolis and Net.York, into a gothic version of itself," Occultism
Kid informed everybody.
  "Well, that's it then," Coward Lad said.  "We're screwed."
  "What do you suggest we do?" Ultimate Ninja asked.
  "We need to send people to different points in time, the twenties,
the forties, the seventies and the future," the August One suggested. 
"If the same spell is recited at the same place in different points in
time then Cyg.net.a will be driven away from our world never to
return."
  "That's it!  I'm out of here!" Kid
Not-Appearing-In-Any-Time-Travel-Story said.  "We've had too many
stories involving time travel already!  The Melissa Virus storyline! 
Flame Wars VI!  LNH Forever!"
  Just then a time portal opened and two figures stepped out.
  "Excuse me, we're from the future.  We're looking for the Legionaire
known as Vel," one of them said.
  "He's not here!" Ultimate Ninja told them.  "He turned traitor and
is now a fugitive from justice!"  (See Vel #-5 --Footnote Girl)
  "Oh dear," one of the visitors from the future said.  She spoke into
a small communication device.  "He's not here."  There was a pause,
presumably because someone on the other end was giving her
instructions.  "Okay," she said. The two time travellers turned around
and disappeared into the time portal, which then closed behind them.
  "I think Kid Not-Appearing-In-Any-Time-Travel-Story has a point,"
Sister State-the-Obvious said.
  "Yeah, I agree with Saxon too," Captain Continuity said.  "Is it
really necessary for us to use time travel to deal with Cyg.net.a?"
  "I'm afraid so," Occultism Kid said.  "Look, Cyg.net.a is from
another dimension.  She has no concept of time like we do.  To her,
it's not a question of how Net.ropolis is, was or will be, it's a
question of what Net.ropolis must BE.  We see past, present and future
but she just sees different points in time."
  "That is actually our advantage," the August One said.  "By
spreading out her influence over all time, Cyg.net.a has created a
spell which can be more easily broken."
  "But how can we send people to different points in time?" Ultimate
Ninja asked.
  "It is theoretically possible," Doctor Stomper, "but the technology
is still in the experimental stage."
  "Perhaps on this world," Kid Kirby said.  "Excuse me."  Kid Kirby
stood up and cleared a space in the room.  He then opened a BOOM tube
and walked through.  Moments later, he emerged carrying a time
portation machine over his shoulders.  "We need to set this up
somewhere.  It's a bit heavy."
  "Allow me to help," Irony Man said.
  The two net.heroes carried the time portation machine out of the
Central Control Center, up the winding staircase behind the
receptionist desk and into one of the empty laboratories on the second
floor.  Most of the Legionaires followed, although not all of them
could fit into the small lab.  Super Apathy Lad stayed behind and
helped himself to one of the donuts on the conference table.
  "We need to activate the power supply," Kid Kirby said as they put
the machine in place.
  "I'm on it!" Doctor Stomper said.
  "It's good that we finally have a time portation machine,"
Contraption Man said.
  "Man," Irony Man complained, taking off his helmet, "it's so hot in
here!"
  "Wow!" Kid Newbie said.  "Irony Man is Toony Stork!"
  "Um... we kind of knew that," Ultimate Ninja said.  "So what's with
all this heat anyway?  And don't give me any crap about global
warming!  President Luthor says it still needs to be studied!"
  "It's Cyg.net.a," Occultism Kid said.  "She is turning Net.ropolis
into an inferno where only the evil can thrive!"
  "Wow!" California Kid said.  "Just like Miami!"
  "So who amongst us is going to which time period anyway?" Ultimate
Ninja asked.
  "Not so fast!" Occultism Kid said  "The people who recite the spells
have to be magical beings!  That means me, Kid Mysticism--"
  "Kid Mysticism is dead!" Ultimate Ninja said.
  "Really?  I thought he was on vacation."
  "The roster hasn't been updated since 1999.  That's the problem."
  "Don't look at me," wReamHack said.  "It's not my job anymore. 
That's the job of Master Roster Man."
  "Who we haven't heard of since 1999."
  "Anyway," Occultism Kid continued.  "Me, Dr. Surreal, Patient Zero,
Absurd Lass--"
  "Patient Zero and Absurd Lass are also dead," Ultimate Ninja said. 
"They died when Sig.cago was destroyed."
  "Hello!  Hello!  We're back!" Absurd Lass said, waving at the back
of the crowd.
  "We are now agents of the Divine Intervention Unit," Patient Zero
said proudly.  "We're here on official business!"
  "And as such they qualify as magical beings," Occultism Kid said. 
"Which is a good thing too because I haven't been able to get in touch
with Dr. Surreal.  That means that Patient Zero and Absurd Lass will
have to separate and travel to different points in time because we
have a shortage of magical beings."
  "How many do we need?" Ultimate Ninja asked.
  "At least five," Occultism Kid said.  "The affected time periods
seem to be the twenties, the forties, the sixties, now and the future.
 The August One will stay here to recite the spell because he is too
old to travel through time.  I was hoping maybe Kid Kirby could help
us."
  "Kid Kirby?" Irony Man asked.  "I didn't know you could do magic!"
  "Aye!" Kid Kirby said.  "That's how I was able to defeat Superbman
during our crossover with FC comics!  He is vulnerable to magic!" he
said proudly.  "What is the spell that I would be required to recite?"
he asked.
  "It goes like this," the August One said.  "'Cyg.net.a, Bride of
C'thulhu, your power over this world I hereby undo!'"
  "Sounds simple enough."
  "Alright then," Ultimate Ninja said decisively, "we need to decide
who to send to which time period and then do it.  I want to wrap this
story up quickly people!"

  Sixteen years later, Irony Boy and Analysis were standing in the
very same room.
  "Near as I can tell, the disturbance that is affecting us originated
in the past," Analysis said.
  "What exactly does that mean?" Irony Boy asked.
  Just then, Absurd Lass appeared in front of the time portation
machine.  She appeared a bit disorientated, having just travelled
through time.  "Hello.  Is this the year 2020?"
  "Yes, it is," Analysis told her.
  "Good.  Now let's see if this works."  She spoke into a
communication device that had been included free (limited time offer!)
with the time portation device.  "Hello!  Hello!  I'm in the year
2020!"
  >>Hurry to the August One's room,<< Occultism Kid said.  >>He's
waiting for you!<<
  >>I'm here in the twenties,<< Patient Zero said.  >>Boy Lad and Boy
Lad Jr. don't look happy to see me.  I'm trying to explain why I am
here.  I'm afraid they don't understand about time travel.<<
  >>Just don't let him get in your way,<< Occultism Kid said.  >>Hmm. 
I seem to be having a similar problem.  Back in the forties, LNH HQ
was a hotel and there appears to be a couple in the August One's room.
 From what I can hear as I stand outside the door, they appear to
be... busy.  How about you, Kid Kirby?<<
  >>I am a bit busy myself,<< Kid Kirby told them.  >>It seems that
back in the sixties LNH HQ was infested with... dinosaurs!<<

  TO BE CONTINUED!

Cyg.net.a created by Ted Brock
Patient Zero, Absurd Lass and Vel created by Jesse Willey
Kid Kirby created by Jameel Al Khavitz
Occultism Kid and the August One created by Josh Geurick
Ultimate Ninja and Sister State the Obvious created by Raymond "wReam"
Bingham
Captain Continuity and Contraption Lad created by Jeff "Drizzt" Barnes
Footnote Girl created by Saxon Brenton
Boy Lad and Boy Lad Jr. created by David R. Henry
Irony Man created by Doug Moran
Doctor Stomper created by T. M. Neeck
Coward Lad created by Tom Russell, Jr.

Martin