[LNH] Vel #-5
alaricmc at btinternet.com
Sun Jun 6 12:16:22 PDT 2004
The abiding impression here, Jesse, is said avoidance. Pick any book off the
shelves and you'll surprise me if you find yelled, harrumphed, corrected.
The reader should understand the characters well enough that the tone is
clear from the dialogue.
If I was your editor, you'd get this:-
"> Vel stood in the heat of the desert. It didn't bother him. Several
> paces behind him were Sing Along Lass and Doctor Stomper. The winds,
> which had only been blowing softly moments before were now blowing
> sand everywhere.
> "We're almost there Vinne," Vel said.
> Doctor Stomper had to raise his voice above the (whatever) of the wind.
"How can you tell?".
> "You'll see," Vel replied.
> A sandstorm began to ripple. Sand buffeted their faces. Stomper and
> Sing Along Lass's faces reddened. It didn't bother Vel. It was
> another advantage of his mixed heritage.
> After several minutes the winds cleared revealing a large Aztec style
> pyramid. Stomper looked astounded.
> "How did this get here?" he asked.
> "I don't know," Vel said. "This is as far as I go. I'm a tour guide, not
> archeologist. We here on Haven world can't mess with
> the ruins. Part of the pact we made with the dying entities that
> forged our peace. Thanks to them human, Dorf, Pegausoids and Benyori
> can all live in harmony."
You get the picture.
Dorf works well as an alienated token, and I do get involved with the
character. More needed, I think, on the notion that he's regarded as
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