[LNH2] LNH Asia: Full Throtle #1

[Martin Phipps]

2020.  The future.  A dungeon in a basement in Inner
Mon.gosub.lia.

  "It's been more than twenty years," the infamous
Asian terrorist known as the Lan.darin complained,
"and yet the LNH has never paid the ransom for your
life!"

                    LNH Asia: Full Throtle #1
      "Whatever Happened to Master Roster Man?"

  Master Roster Man was chained to the wall.  He was
dirty and his clothes were ripped.  He was sweating
profusely, despite the cool Mon.gosub.lian air.  He
was desperately in need of a bath.  "Did you remember
to include the zip code on all your correspondence?"
  "Yes."
  "Did you write the full address?"
  "Yes."
  "Because I remember one time mail for the Legion of
Net.Heroes was sent to Le League Nationale de Hockey.
It didn't even go to the right country."
  "We wrote the full address."
  "In English?"
  "Damn.  You mean nobody at the post office in
Net.ropolis can read Chinese?"
  "That could be the problem."
  The Lan.darin sighed.  "It doesn't matter.  After
twenty years, they never came looking for you.  They
should have been able to have found you by now.  How
is it that the great Legion of Net.Heroes was never
able to find out what happened to you?"
  "They really aren't that good," Master Roster Man
said.  "Some of them are quite inept actually."
  The Lan.darin sighed.  "No.  They obviously don't
care about you."
  "What are you going to do?"
  The Lan.darin raised his right hand.  Each finger on
his hand had a ring of power.  Each ring was capable
of rendering a man dead, either by fire or by
lightning or by gas or by freezing cold.  "No," he
decided.
  "No?"
  "No.  It drains me every time I use my rings.  You
are almost dead already by hunger and thirst.  It
would be easier for me to just let you die.  I will go
now and leave the guard here to watch you die.  Ha ha
ha ha ha ha!"
  "Gee... thanks."
  "Don't mention it."  The Lan.darin walked up the
stairs and out of the room.
  "I don't suppose I could get you to order some fried
rice, chicken balls, chow mein and egg rolls?" he
asked the guard.
  The guard just grunted.
  "I figured it couldn't hurt to ask."  He closed his
eyes.  He heard the guard grunt again.  This time it
sounded as though he was in pain.  He opened his eyes
again and saw a beautiful young Thai woman standing
over the guard's unconscious body.
  "Who are you?" he asked.
  "I'm Nudchnad Jakusripidak and I am your rescuer."
N was dressed all in black.  Presumably that was how
she was able to get into the dungeon unseen.
  "Are you from the LNH?"
  "Yes."
  "Great.  How many Legionaires did you bring with
you?"
  "I've got two girlfriends upstairs in the bar."
  "But they've got fifty armed men and two super
powered net.villains!"
  "Armed?  How?"
  "With machine guns."
  "Damn."  She pulled out her cell phone.  "I hope I
can get a signal down here."  She dialed a number.
"Just wait.  It's ringing.  Hello, Michael?  Yes, you
were right, we need help.  Could you come here right
away?  Great!"
  Deja Dude II then appeared in the room.  He
apparently had teleported out of thin air, something
which came as a surprise to Master Roster Man who
hadn't had an opportunity to keep up with Legion
membership all this time.  "Sorry I took so long!"
Michael joked.
  N turned off her cellphone.  "Just get us out of
here."
  Deja Dude II examined the chains around Master
Roster Man's arms and legs.  "Um... could you do
something about these?"
  "Right.  Sorry."  N grabbed the chains one by one
and snapped them.
  "She's pretty strong, huh?"
  "Yeah.  Are you two...?"
  "No."  Michael shook his head.  "Not yet."
  "You wish!" N scoffed.
  "I do actually."
  "There!  Finished!  Let's go!"
  "Let's help him up!"  Michael and N grabbed Master
Roster Man's arms and brought him to his feet.  He
then teleported the three of them to LNH Asia
Headquarters.  Deja Dude was there.
  "Welcome back, Master Roster Man," Deja Dude said.
"Sorry we took so long."
  "Well... yeah.  Say, you wouldn't happen to have any
fried rice and chow mein?"
  "You're in luck!" Deja Dude said.  "My wife can whip
up something for you in a matter of a few minutes."
  "Great!"
  N was concerned about her friends.  "Michael?  What
about Sawitree and Stephanie?"
  Michael smiled.  "Don't worry.  They'll be okay."


Meanwhile, back in Mon.gosub.lia...

  "So I was thinking..."
  "No."
  "Maybe the two of us could..."
  "No."
  "Just for an hour!"
  "No!"
  "What kind of hooker are you?"
  Nimbo sighed deeply.  "One that doesn't want to be
with a big smelly Mon.gosub.lian goat herder!"
  "But we're all big and smelly here!  And we're all
Mon.gosub.lian!  And we're all goat herders!"
  "Well, maybe, but I meant I wouldn't go with just
_any_ big smelly Mon.gosub.lian goat herder!"
  "You're not a hooker!  You're a spy!"
  "Uh oh," Intuition Girl whispered.  "We're in
trouble!"
  "Have you been practising the Muay Thai moves I
taught you?" Nimbo whispered back.
  "Yes."
  "Because I think you're going to need them!"
  "Kill them!  Kill them both!" the big, smelly
Mon.gosub.lian goat herder said.
  An even bigger and smellier Mon.gosub.lian goat
herder then smiled and pulled out two large machine
guns and pointed them at our heroes.
  "What now?" Intuition Girl asked.
  "Shall we try plan B?" Nimbo suggested.
  "What's plan B?  I don't know plan B."
  "Oh.  Then we really are in trouble."
  Just then, Utraman crashed through the roof and
landed between the huge, odorous Mon.gosub.lian goat
herder and the two under cover Legionaires.  The
gigantic, reeking Mon.gosub.lian goat herder then
opened fire with both guns.  The bullets bounced
harmlessly off of Utraman, although plenty of large,
stinky Mon.gosub.lian goat herders were killed by the
ricochets.
  Then Moonfire passed through the hole in the roof
left by Utraman.  He grabbed the enormous, putrid
Mon.gosub.lian goat herder's twin machine guns and
threw them over to Utraman.  "Here!  Catch!" he said.
  Utraman caught the machine guns and bent them and
twisted them one after the other and then dropped them
both on the floor of the bar.  "Let's go!"  Utraman
grabbed Nimbo and Moonstar grabbed Intuition Girl and
the four of them flew out of the bar.

  "It wasn't a good idea for the three of you to try
that on your own," Deja Dude II said to N, Nimbo and
Moonstar after the latter two had returned to LNH Asia
Headquarters.  "What were you thinking?"
  "Well, we got in easily enough," N pointed out.
  "Yes, but how were you planning to get out?" Deja
Dude II asked.  "I mean, none of you can fly.  What
were you planning to do?  Jump out the window, roll
down the side of the cliff and steal a helicopter from
the back of a truck?  Even if you were able to do
that, nobody would have believed it!  It would have
been dismissed by readers as bad writing!"
  "Actually," his father pointed out, "most readers
wouldn't care as long as everything was drawn nicely."
  "But they were facing fifty armed men!" Michael
retorted.
  "And two net.villains," N said.
  "And two net.villains!"
  "Just a moment."  N went to the kitchen to speak to
Master Roster Man.  "I have something I need to ask
you."
  "Go ahead."
  "You said there were two net.villains there.  I only
saw the Lan.darin.  Who was the other one?"
  "I don't know.  Some woman.  All I remember is that
she was beautiful!"


Meanwhile, back in Mon.gosub.lia...

  "It was LNH Asia," the Lan.darin concluded.  "They
were the ones who rescued Master Roster Man."
  "We knew this day would come," his beautiful
companion said.  "Very well.  We will inititate plan B!"

NEXT: I am... the Lan.darin!

LNH Asia, including N, Nimbo, Intuition Girl, Deja Dude,
Deja Dude II, Utraman and Moonfire created by me.
The Lan.darin created by me.  Master Roster Man
created by Jef Kolodziej.

Martin

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