[LNHY] Teen Fascists #7
phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Fri Dec 17 23:27:48 PST 2004
When Father Priest ordered us to his chamber, we knew something was up.
"So," I said. "What's up?"
"It's an urgent assignment," Father Priest told us.
"What is it?" I asked.
"We need you to track a man down," Father Priest said.
"What has he done?" I asked.
"He's claiming to be He.rec.les," Father Priest said, with obvious
Teen Fascists #7: Crossover, Part I
"He.rec.les?" Detender asked.
"How is this guy any different from the Before God Guys?" Double Jeopardy
asked. "Don't they claim to be older than God?"
"That may be," Father Priest said, "but they don't claim to _be_ God."
"How are we supposed to find this guy?" Militia Man asked.
"He was spotted just yesterday at a Mac.Donalds here in Net.ropolis,"
Father Priest informed us.
"Were there any witnesses who could tell us where he went?" Judge asked.
"Possibly," Father Priest said. "He was seen leaving with the LNHer known
as Van Hel.sig."
So we headed to LNH HQ to talk to this Van Hel.sig. There we were greeted
by Exclamation Master.
"Excuse me," I said.
"YES!" Exclamation Master said. "WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?!"
"We're looking for Van Hel.sig," I said.
"JUST WAIT!" Exclamation Master said. "I'LL GO GET HIM FOR YOU!"
I looked to Judge for an explanation for his strange behaviour. "Perhaps
he is deaf," she suggested, "and he doesn't realize that he is shouting."
"This place is really cool!" Cruel said as he took a look around.
"Yeah," Unusual said. "Maybe when we're too old to be Teen Fascists we can
sign up for the LNH.
<: I'm afraid not :> a computerized voice said.
"Who said that?" Search asked.
<: I am the New Member Detector :> the voice said.
"This is, like, getting really weird!" Seizure said.
"So why can't we join the LNH?" Cruel asked.
"Yeah!" Unusual said. "Why the hell not?"
<: I can't tell you. :> the voice said.
"Why not?" Cruel and Unusual said together.
<: Because telling you would mean breaking the fourth wall :> the voice
said, whatever that meant.
"Fair enough," I said. "So they're and elite team."
Just then, Van Hel.sig showed up. "What can I do for you?" he asked.
"We're looking for a man who claims to be He.rec.les," I told him.
"He.rec.les?" Van Hel.sig asked.
"You met him just yesterday," Double Jeopardy said, "at the Mac.Donalds."
"Oh!" Van Hel.sig said. "You must mean Google.mesh!"
"Can you tell us where we might find him?" Militia Man said, menacingly.
"I don't know," Van Hel.sig said. "What do you want him for?"
"We just want to ask him a few questions," I assured him.
"Oh. Well, alright," he said. "Could somebody give me a pen and paper?"
"Judge?" I said.
"Here!" Judge said as she handed him the pen and paper.
Van Hel.sig put the paper down on a table and wrote something down.
"Here," he said, handing the pen and paper back to Judge. "That's where I
last saw him."
Judge showed me the address. "You've done a great service to your
Van Hel.sig looked suspicious. "You said you just wanted to talk with
"Oh we'll talk to him alright!" Detender said.
Just then, we saw the last person we ever expected to see at LNH HQ.
"Hold it!" I said. "Aren't you Kid Kicked Out?"
"Oh, yeah," he said. "Wow! You guys remember me!"
"What are you doing at LNH HQ?" I asked him.
"Actually," he said, "I'm the leader of the LNH."
"You?" Militia Man asked.
"We find that a little bit hard to believe," Militia Man said.
"I sense he is telling the truth!" Judge said.
"Now way!" Detender said.
"Actually, yeah," he said, "I'm the leader of the LNH."
"So what did you do this time?" I asked. "Pretend to be a mutant?"
"Um, maybe I am a mutant!" Kid Kicked Out said. "After all, I've been
kicked of more superhero teams than anybody. That's got to be some sort of
"It's only a matter of time," I assured him, "and then you'll be kicked out
of this one!"
So much for the LNH being an elite group!
We headed to the address that Van Hel.sig had given us.
"Do you figure this Google.mesh character is strong?" Detender asked.
"Why?" I asked. "Are you looking forward to a fight."
"I just want to put the fear of God into him!" Detender said.
"I just hope this all goes down peacefully," Judge said. "When I am
surrounded by people feeling heightened emotions, it can be a bit painful."
"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't realize that."
"It's alright," Judge said. "I am just doing my duty for my country!"
"This is the place!" Double Jeopardy said.
It wasn't much of a place for a God to be hiding out in!
"Alright," I said. "Get ready! I will ring the doorbell." I rang the
A young, black youth opened the door. "Yes?"
"We're here looking for Google.mesh," I told him.
He hesitated. "I don't know--"
"It's alright, Martin," came a voice from inside the room. The door was
opened wide so we could see him. "_I_ am Google.mesh."
I sighed. "You are accused of claiming to be the G.rec god He.rec.les."
He nodded. "Aye."
"Do you realize that is blasphesmy?" Double Jeopardy asked.
He smiled. "I see why you might think so but, no, I am not claiming to be
God. I am claiming to be a god, yes, but not the one you call God."
"So you admit that there is a God?" Detender asked, just to make sure.
Suddenly, we heard a scream down the road.
"Perhaps we should talk about this later!" Google.mesh suggested. "It
sounds as though that lady needs our help!"
All eleven of us, including Google.mesh and the black youth, rushed out
onto the street. We were all shocked by what we saw.
"That's the biggest @#$%ing dog I've ever seen!" Militia Man said.
TO BE CONCLUDED IN GOOGLE.MESH #7!
Teen Fascists created by Arthur Spitzer and Martin Phipps. Martin and
Exclamation Master created by Saxon Brenton. Kid Kicked Out created by
Arthur Spitzer. Google.mesh and Van Hel.sig created by me.
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