[LNHY/ACRA] Google.mesh #6
phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Fri Dec 17 17:45:05 PST 2004
I.sig confronted Beel.gzip.bub in Hell.
"You need to give me something else with which to destroy Google.mesh!"
Beel.gzip.bub sighed. "I told you before. That's a tall order."
"Then I will tear down the gates of Hell and release the dead to walk
Looniearth once more!"
"No!" Beel.gzip.bub said. "We tried that a couple of thousands of years
ago! Still Google.mesh survived."
I.sig cringed. "I must have my revenge!" she swore. "I must!"
"Alright," Beel.gzip.bub said. "There is one demon who might be powerful
enough to fight Google.mesh. He is known to the people of Looniearth as
"Swell Boy?" I.sig asked.
"Yes," Beel.gzip.bub said. "He is a son of Satan that managed to escape
Hell while he was still a child. He was adopted by human parents and grew
up thinking of himself as a human, albeit one with red skin and horns."
"And he is powerful enough to defeat Google.mesh?" I.sig asked.
"I believe so!"
"Bring him to me!" I.sig demanded.
Google.mesh #6: Introducing Swell Boy
"Here he is!" Beel.gzip.bub said.
"Where the hell am I?" Swell Boy asked.
"Where do you think you are?" Beel.gzip.bub asked.
Swell Boy took a look around. "You've got to be kidding me! What am I
"I brought you home!" Beel.gzip.bub said.
Swell Boy shook his head. "This isn't home! Home for me is Looniearth!
Send me back!"
"You are here to do something for me!" I.sig said.
"Oh? And what's that?"
"I want you to kill Google.mesh."
"No," Swell Boy said.
"What?" I.sig asked.
"But you're a demon!" Beel.gzip.bub said. "You are supposed to do our
"Well, I'm not gonna do your bidding," Swell Boy said, flatly. "Do you
have a problem with that?"
"As a demon, you are to serve us, the guardians of Hell!" I.sig insisted.
Swell Boy shook his head. "You know, I've been dealing with this kind of
prejudice my entire life! I remember going to school as a child and having
children looking funny at me. They asked me why I didn't look like my
parents and I told them I was adopted. They asked me if I had met my real
parents and I said 'No'. They kept asking me if I knew who my real parents
were until I ended up telling them 'My father is Satan, okay?'
"Of course, one of the kids went running to the teacher crying and saying
that I had said that Satan was my father, which in all fairness I did say.
The teacher sent me to the principal who explained to me that our father is
God, not Satan. I had to explain to him that I didn't mean it figuratively.
I meant that Satan really was my father! I ended up getting sent to
"Of course, being in atheist camp was no fun. All those atheists, after
seeing me, they kept covering their eyes and screaming 'He's not real! He's
not real!' I wasn't going to stick around there! So I escaped. I've been
on the run ever since, constantly being hunted down by would-be demon
killers like Van Hel.sig or Buxom the Vampire Slayer!
"And now, finally, after being rejected by both theists and atheists alike,
I find myself in Hell faced by the head demon himself, only to find that you
too share the same prejudices about me that the humans do!"
Beel.gzip.bub appeared to have been listening to Swell Boy's entire rant.
"Are you finished?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
"Okay," Beel.gzip.bub said. "So are you going to kill Google.mesh or not?"
To be fair, Beel.gzip.bub is fairly quick, even for a demon. Thus it is to
Swell Boy's credit that Beel.gzip.bub didn't have time to react before Swell
Boy had charged into him and had started pummelling him against the rocky
surface of Hell.
Beel.gzip.bub was unfazed. "I take it this is a demonstration of what you
will do to Google.mesh."
Now, Beel.gzip.bub is fairly tough skinned. Thus, Swell Boy demonstrated
enormous strength by ripping Beel.gzip.bub's head off and throwing it to the
"Enough!" I.sig said. "It is clear that you won't help us! Very well! We
will do as you ask and send you back to Looniearth! Beel.gzip.bub! Pull
"I'll be right with you!" Beel.gzip.bub said as he put his head back in
place and waited for his wounds to heal. "There!"
"Send Swell Boy back to Looniearth! He's of no use to us!"
"Very well," Beel.gzip.bub said as he prepared to do his mistress' bidding.
"And don't bring me back!" Swell Boy said as he vanished from sight.
Beel.gzip.bub rubbed his sore neck. "I failed you again," he told I.sig.
"I'll need your help though."
"Do you remember old Ce.rec.bus? Also known as Fen.rec?"
"The wolf that defeated Google.mesh in Eu.rec?" I.sig asked.
"That's the one."
"You can bring him back?"
Beel.gzip.bub nodded. "His soul is here in Hell. But I need you to
reanimate his body!"
"It shall be done! Ha ha ha ha! And this time Google.mesh won't survive!"
Beel.gzip.bub mused for a moment. "Indeed. We'll have to teach the old
dog to chew its food!"
TO BE CONTINUED IN TEEN FASCISTS #7!
Eagle was right when he warned me about doing on line searches about the
I came across a website that claimed that the Nephalim (also known as the
"Anunnaki") were ancient astronauts. The argument is that the Sumerian
civilization was responsible for writing (on clay), printing, mathematics,
geometry, feet and inches, astronomy, both the lunar and solar calendars,
brick houses, temples, courts, shops, schools, libraries, palaces, clay
utensils, pots, sculptures, furnaces, metalurgy, knives, swords, banking,
money, roads, paint, glaze, medicine (to be administered either orally or
anally), surgery, alcohol, agriculture, canals, boats, ships, the wheel,
carts, chariots, a code of law, musical instruments, clothing and the
domestication of animals. They even were able to study anatomy by
dissecting animals, although that might have been more or a religious ritual
than a scientific endeavour.
Of course, the idea of the ancient Sumerians getting all this advanced
"technology" from ancient astronauts is pure BS: the ancient Sumerians had
thousands of years to develop their civilization (starting around 6000 BC).
Look at all the technological advances we've made in the past few hundred
years. Surely these "nephalim" or "anunnaki" or "ancient astronauts" or
whatever you want to call them were the Sumerians themselves! If, as the
Bible claims, their civilization was wiped out by a flood around 3246 BC
then the Sumerians who might have known how these technological advances
came about might have been all killed, leaving the survivors to believe that
everything had been provided by God or gods, depending on their point of
view. Life went on and mythology and religion was invented to explain
everything. In fact, stories like the Garden of Eden and the Great Flood
were probably both based on what happened to Sumer.
The so-called Sumerian "technology" was all stuff ancient people would have
been capable of. After all, somebody had to invent all these things. I
don't see why it had to be "ancient astronauts". We need to give our
ancestors more credit. :)
Beel.gzip.bub created by Saxon Brenton
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