[LNHY/ACRA] Google.mesh #6

Martin Phipps phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Fri Dec 17 17:45:05 PST 2004

	I.sig confronted Beel.gzip.bub in Hell.

	"You need to give me something else with which to destroy Google.mesh!"

	Beel.gzip.bub sighed.  "I told you before.  That's a tall order."

	"Then I will tear down the gates of Hell and release the dead to walk 
Looniearth once more!"

	"No!" Beel.gzip.bub said.  "We tried that a couple of thousands of years 
ago!  Still Google.mesh survived."

	I.sig cringed.  "I must have my revenge!" she swore.  "I must!"

	"Alright," Beel.gzip.bub said.  "There is one demon who might be powerful 
enough to fight Google.mesh.  He is known to the people of Looniearth as 
'Swell Boy'".

	"Swell Boy?" I.sig asked.

	"Yes," Beel.gzip.bub said.  "He is a son of Satan that managed to escape 
Hell while he was still a child.  He was adopted by human parents and grew 
up thinking of himself as a human, albeit one with red skin and horns."

	"And he is powerful enough to defeat Google.mesh?" I.sig asked.

	"I believe so!"

	"Bring him to me!" I.sig demanded.

				Google.mesh #6: Introducing Swell Boy

	"Here he is!" Beel.gzip.bub said.

	"Where the hell am I?" Swell Boy asked.

	"Where do you think you are?" Beel.gzip.bub asked.

	Swell Boy took a look around.  "You've got to be kidding me!  What am I 
doing here?"

	"I brought you home!" Beel.gzip.bub said.

	Swell Boy shook his head.  "This isn't home!  Home for me is Looniearth!  
Send me back!"

	"You are here to do something for me!" I.sig said.

	"Oh?  And what's that?"

	"I want you to kill Google.mesh."

	"No," Swell Boy said.

	"What?" I.sig asked.

	"But you're a demon!" Beel.gzip.bub said.  "You are supposed to do our 

	"Well, I'm not gonna do your bidding," Swell Boy said, flatly.  "Do you 
have a problem with that?"

	"As a demon, you are to serve us, the guardians of Hell!" I.sig insisted.

	Swell Boy shook his head.  "You know, I've been dealing with this kind of 
prejudice my entire life!  I remember going to school as a child and having 
children looking funny at me.  They asked me why I didn't look like my 
parents and I told them I was adopted.  They asked me if I had met my real 
parents and I said 'No'.  They kept asking me if I knew who my real parents 
were until I ended up telling them 'My father is Satan, okay?'

	"Of course, one of the kids went running to the teacher crying and saying 
that I had said that Satan was my father, which in all fairness I did say.  
The teacher sent me to the principal who explained to me that our father is 
God, not Satan.  I had to explain to him that I didn't mean it figuratively. 
  I meant that Satan really was my father!  I ended up getting sent to 
atheist camp.

	"Of course, being in atheist camp was no fun.  All those atheists, after 
seeing me, they kept covering their eyes and screaming 'He's not real!  He's 
not real!'  I wasn't going to stick around there!  So I escaped.  I've been 
on the run ever since, constantly being hunted down by would-be demon 
killers like Van Hel.sig or Buxom the Vampire Slayer!

	"And now, finally, after being rejected by both theists and atheists alike, 
I find myself in Hell faced by the head demon himself, only to find that you 
too share the same prejudices about me that the humans do!"

	Beel.gzip.bub appeared to have been listening to Swell Boy's entire rant.  
"Are you finished?"

	"Pretty much, yeah."

	"Okay," Beel.gzip.bub said.  "So are you going to kill Google.mesh or not?"

	To be fair, Beel.gzip.bub is fairly quick, even for a demon.  Thus it is to 
Swell Boy's credit that Beel.gzip.bub didn't have time to react before Swell 
Boy had charged into him and had started pummelling him against the rocky 
surface of Hell.

	Beel.gzip.bub was unfazed.  "I take it this is a demonstration of what you 
will do to Google.mesh."

	Now, Beel.gzip.bub is fairly tough skinned.  Thus, Swell Boy demonstrated 
enormous strength by ripping Beel.gzip.bub's head off and throwing it to the 

	"Enough!" I.sig said.  "It is clear that you won't help us!  Very well!  We 
will do as you ask and send you back to Looniearth!  Beel.gzip.bub!  Pull 
yourself together!"

	"I'll be right with you!" Beel.gzip.bub said as he put his head back in 
place and waited for his wounds to heal.  "There!"

	"Send Swell Boy back to Looniearth!  He's of no use to us!"

	"Very well," Beel.gzip.bub said as he prepared to do his mistress' bidding.

	"And don't bring me back!" Swell Boy said as he vanished from sight.

	Beel.gzip.bub rubbed his sore neck.  "I failed you again," he told I.sig.


	"I'll need your help though."


	"Do you remember old Ce.rec.bus?  Also known as Fen.rec?"

	"The wolf that defeated Google.mesh in Eu.rec?" I.sig asked.

	"That's the one."

	"You can bring him back?"

	Beel.gzip.bub nodded.  "His soul is here in Hell.  But I need you to 
reanimate his body!"

	"It shall be done!  Ha ha ha ha!  And this time Google.mesh won't survive!"

	Beel.gzip.bub mused for a moment.  "Indeed.  We'll have to teach the old 
dog to chew its food!"



Eagle was right when he warned me about doing on line searches about the 

I came across a website that claimed that the Nephalim (also known as the 
"Anunnaki") were ancient astronauts.  The argument is that the Sumerian 
civilization was responsible for writing (on clay), printing, mathematics, 
geometry, feet and inches, astronomy, both the lunar and solar calendars, 
brick houses, temples, courts, shops, schools, libraries, palaces, clay 
utensils, pots, sculptures, furnaces, metalurgy, knives, swords, banking, 
money, roads, paint, glaze, medicine (to be administered either orally or 
anally), surgery, alcohol, agriculture, canals, boats, ships, the wheel, 
carts, chariots, a code of law, musical instruments, clothing and the 
domestication of animals.  They even were able to study anatomy by 
dissecting animals, although that might have been more or a religious ritual 
than a scientific endeavour.

Of course, the idea of the ancient Sumerians getting all this advanced 
"technology" from ancient astronauts is pure BS: the ancient Sumerians had 
thousands of years to develop their civilization (starting around 6000 BC).  
Look at all the technological advances we've made in the past few hundred 
years.  Surely these "nephalim" or "anunnaki" or "ancient astronauts" or 
whatever you want to call them were the Sumerians themselves!  If, as the 
Bible claims, their civilization was wiped out by a flood around 3246 BC 
then the Sumerians who might have known how these technological advances 
came about might have been all killed, leaving the survivors to believe that 
everything had been provided by God or gods, depending on their point of 
view.  Life went on and mythology and religion was invented to explain 
everything.  In fact, stories like the Garden of Eden and the Great Flood 
were probably both based on what happened to Sumer.

The so-called Sumerian "technology" was all stuff ancient people would have 
been capable of.  After all, somebody had to invent all these things.  I 
don't see why it had to be "ancient astronauts".  We need to give our 
ancestors more credit. :)


Beel.gzip.bub created by Saxon Brenton

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