[LNHY/ACRA] Google.mesh #5

Martin Phipps phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Sun Dec 12 19:44:07 PST 2004

	At the local mall, TJ and Google.mesh were attacked by I.sig and Thur at 
the Mac.Donalds.

	"You've got to be kidding me!" TJ said.  "First I go to Hell and I meet 
Jesus and now I'm stuck in the middle of the oldest and most vicious family 
disputes of all time!  The one responsible for all of Western mythology no 

	"Oh, more than that, mortal!" I.sig said.  "For now you will witness the 
death of a god!"  She turned to her son.  "THUR!  KILL YOUR FATHER!"

                                     Google.mesh # 5: Introducing Van 

	Everybody in the restaurant took that as their cue to leave: after all, 
when two gods have a fight scene together, people are likely to get hurt.

	Thur raised his hammer.

	"What are you waiting for?" I.sig asked.  "Do it!"

	"I... can't," Thur said.  He was starting to remember who he was and, 
what's more, he was starting to understand the world around him.  "He's... 
my father."

	I.sig sighed.  "Oh, well, I guess I will have to do it myself!" she said.  
"Google.mesh!  Prepare to join your friend, Enkiben!"

	Just then, arrows shot out, aimed for I.sig's heart.  Thor instinctively 
raised his hammer and blocked the arrows to save his mother's life.

	"What?  Van Hel.sig!"

	"We meet again, witch!"  Van Hel.sig said.  He was dressed in his scruffy 
Victorian clothes that looked like they hadn't been changed since the turn 
of the century.  Over them he wore an overcoat and an oversized hat.  He 
carried a crossbow which he quickly reloaded in preparation for another 

	"Hmm," I.sig said.  "We appeared to be outnumbered.  Another time, 
perhaps."  She quickly mouthed a spell and she and Thur returned to Hell.

	"Thanks a lot," TJ said to Van Hel.sig.  "Hey, I remember you!  You're a 
member of the LNH!"

	"That's right," Van Helsig said.  "I'm Van Hel.sig.  The owner of the 
restaurant called the LNH and they sent me."  He shook TJ's hand.  "Hey, 
you've got a nice, firm grip!"

	"I'm a mutant," TJ explained.

	"No kidding!"  He looked at Google.mesh.  "And what's your story?"

	"I am Google.mesh, king of Sci.mar, also known as He.rec.les to the G.recs 
and IO.din to the Norse!"

	"Really?" Van Hel.sig said.  "You don't look like you're thousands of years 

	"Indeed!" Google.mesh said.  "Come closer!  Feel my skin!"

	"Aha!" TJ said.  "I knew it!  I wondered about you ever since you told us 
about you and Enkiben!"

	"What are you talking about?" Google.mesh said.  "I wanted to show him how 
soft my skin was!  I apply yogurt to my skin every night before I go to 

	"No kidding!" Van Hel.sig said.  "Wow!"

	"Alright, fine!" TJ said.  "Enough about the wonders of yogurt!  We'd 
better get back to Martin's apartment!  He could be in trouble."


	TJ, Google.mesh and Van Hel.sig arrived at Martin's appartment and found 
the sofa ripped, the lamp broken and pillows strewn across the floor.

	"What a mess!" TJ said.

	"Oh no!" Google.mesh said.  "The forces of Hell!  They've taken Martin!  
It's all my fault!"

	"Actually," TJ said, "it's not your fault.  We had trouble with the forces 
of Hell before you came along."

	Just then, Martin came out of the bedroom.  "TJ!  Google.mesh!"  He looked 
at the man in the Victorian garb.  "Van Hel.sig, right?"

	"That's right," Van Hel.sig said.

	"Martin!" TJ said.  "What happened here?"

	"Lisa and Kien showed up," Martin answered.  "I fought them off.  Then they 
just disappeared.  What about you guys?  Did you guys have trouble with 

	"You could say that," TJ said.  "We met Google.mesh's ex-wife.  Turns out, 
she's an old witch.  And I mean literally.  And I mean really, really old."

	"It was I.sig!" Google.mesh said.  "She raised our son, Thur, from the 

	"Yeah," TJ said, "apparently she can do that."

	"So you believe now that Google.mesh is who he says he is?" Martin asked.

	"I guess so," TJ admitted, "but it's like I was saying before: if other 
gods really exist then maybe God himself isn't anything special."

	"Oh I can assure you that God is as far above us as we are above ordinary 
humans!" Google.mesh said.

	"Yeah, but still!"

	"Okay, that's enough!" Martin said.  "I hardly think this is the time for a 
theological discussion!  The diaboloicals could show up again at any time!"

	"That may be," Van Hel.sig said, "but for now it looks as though we've 
driven them off."

	"I take it we owe you some thanks for that?" Martin asked.

	"Just doing my duty!" Van Hel.sig said.  "If you need my help again, you 
can contact me through the LNH!"  He saluted Martin by touching the rim of 
his hat just so.

	"Fair enough," Martin said.  "Thanks again."  Van Hel.sig left.  "Alright 
then, if that's the case, TJ, you'd better go back home.  Google.mesh, do 
you have a place to stay?"

	"Aye," Google.mesh said, "but I would prefer to sleep here on the floor in 
case these diabolicals should return to try to do you harm."

	"As you wish," Martin said.

	"Alright," TJ said.  "Sounds like you're in good hands.  Bye!"


	Google.mesh took the grocery bag he was carrying to the refrigerator and 
then filled it with cups of yogurt.  He also managed to squeeze the eggs and 
milk that Martin had requested into the refrigerator too.  He then walked 
back to the living room and then made himself comfortable by laying his head 
on a pillow that had already been strewn on the floor during Martin's battle 
with Lisa and Kien.  "Goodnight, my son!" Google.mesh said.

	"Yeah, goodnight!" Martin said.  Suddenly, Martin realised he felt a little 
bit uncomfortable with the idea that Google.mesh claimed to be his 
great-great-great-many-times-back-grandfather.  At least, if it were true, 
he knew that his ancesters were not the evil creatures that the wondersock 
had claimed them to be.  Somehow, that was comforting to know.


	Meanwhile, in Hell, I.sig confronted Beel.gzip.bub.

	"You said that Thur would obey me!" she said.

	Beel.gzip.bub shrugged his shoulders.  "I didn't expect him to regain his 
memories so quickly!"

	"You need to give me something else with which to destroy Google.mesh!"

	Beel.gzip.bub sighed.  "I told you before.  That's a tall order."

	"Then I will tear down the gates of Hell and release the dead to walk 
Looniearth once more!"

	"No!" Beel.gzip.bub said.  "We tried that a couple of thousands of years 
ago!  Still Google.mesh survived."

	I.sig cringed.  "I must have my revenge!" she swore.  "I must!"

						THE END

Okay, that's what I was talking about.  I.sig sends something against 
Google.mesh, Google.mesh fights it off with the help of a special guest star 
and, hey, I managed to spread the story out over two issues.

Sorry about having the Kien / Martin / Lisa battle take place mostly off 
panel.  I figure that they, like TJ, are still Saxon's characters, even 
though LNHY rules state that they have to be usuable without permission.  
Still, I hope Saxon doesn't mind me using them.

Hmm.  With the Teen Fascists and Google.mesh each having appeared in six 
issues a piece (including The Daily Super-Short Short Story #64), I think 
it's time for a crossover!  I'll give that idea a bit of thought and we'll 
see what develops. :)


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