LNHY/ACRA: The Daily Super Short Story #0
phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Sun Aug 29 13:02:33 PDT 2004
The Daily Super Short Story #0
The Origin of Looniverse Y!!
In the beginning, there was nothing. Then there was light.
Or rather there was gamma radiation. Enough of the gamma radiation
was in the energy range necessary to form matter/anti-matter pairs.
Nowadays if you form matter/anti-matter pairs you get as much
anti-matter as you do matter.
But this was the beginning of time and things didn't work that way.
Which is a good thing because if the matter and anti-matter in the
Looniverse had been in balance then it would have only been a matter
of time before the matter and anti-matter in the Looniverse had
cancelled each other out and then there would be no Looniverse Y for
anyone to write about.
So now this matter expanded outwards to fill the Looniverse as we now
know it, or rather very nearly as we know it seeing as how the
Looniverse continues to expand to this day. At that time, matter was
travelling at speeds far exceeding the current speed of light.
Now, I know what you are thinking. "Hold on! Matter cannot travel
faster than light!" Except that I didn't say it was. Light too was
travelling much faster. Besides, everything was travelling in one
direction, outwards, filling the void with matter and light.
The matter formed galaxies. The galaxies formed stars. The stars
gathered planets around them. Life evolved on various planets.
Eventually the Before God Guys appeared.
Again you're thinking "Hold on! If God created the Looniverse
including the Before God Guys then how can the Before God Guys be
before God?" Well, unfortunately, we can't escape the conclusion that
there was indeed nothing at the beginning of time, not even the Before
God Guys. It says so in the first sentence above. But if there was
nothing then doesn't that mean that God didn't exist either? I mean
if God is something as opposed to nothing and there was nothing in the
beginning then where was God?
This is not a new dilemma. As St. Augustine once said in one of his
seminary classes "If any one of you asks me one more time what God was
doing before the beginning of time I am going to kick your ass! Then
you're going straight to hell!" What he was actually quoted as saying
was much more eloquant, of course.
In reality, God appeared after the Before God Guys (See "The Origin of
God" in The Daily Super Short Story #10). When he was old enough he
created Earth Y, making it look as though life evolved on Earth Y and
not Mars Y.
Yes, life evolved on Mars Y starting from single celled creatures to
fish to frogs to lizards to mice to men. And God saw this and said it
was good. And the people liked Mars Y, saying "The weather here is
nice. Maybe tomorrow the weather will be even better!" And so it
was! But the day after it suddenly turned cold and everybody died.
Just like that.
So God decided to start over on Earth Y and, just to confuse people,
he put all the fossils from Mars Y on Earth Y so that years later
scientists would find them and conclude that life evolved on Earth Y.
In order to cover his tracks, God destroyed all copies, in all
formats, of the movie Mission to Mars Y so that the people of Earth Y
wouldn't see the ending where the truth about man's origins were
revealed. Thus were the people of Earth Y denied from ever knowing
their true origins. On the other hand, they didn't have to sit
through two hours of bad acting and bad dialogue.
NEXT: God created the Paragraph! But you already knew that!
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