[LNH2] Ultimate Ninja 2020 #1

Martin Phipps phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Thu Aug 26 23:30:32 PDT 2004

2020.  The future.  The lobby of LNH HQ.

  "Excuse me?"
  "My name is Kenny Mnemonic.  I'm here to join the
  Alvin shook his head.  "I'm afraid we're not taking
applications from strangers anymore.  Now, if you were
to tell me that a member of the LNH had recommended
you then you can let us know who it is and we can
start from there."
  Kenny Mnemonic laughed.  "You don't understand.  My
powers would be quite useful to the LNH."
  "And they are?"
  "The ability to download computer data directly into
my brain!"
  "Yeah, well, I can do that with a floppy disk."
  "I can store over 30 gigabytes in my brain!"
  "Okay.  That's about fifteen full length movies."
  "Or the entire contents of the hard drive on this
computer here!" Kenny said pointing to the computer
sitting on the lobby desk.
  "So how does your power work?"
  "All I have to do is come into physical contact with
the machine and then--"
  "Alright!" Alvin insisted.  "Step back!  I must
insist for security reasons that you don't touch any
of the computers here!"
  "It's okay!  It's only a demonstration!"
  Alvin picked up the phone and pressed a number on
the pad.  It dialed up Captain Continuity.
  "Cap?  It's Alvin.  We have a security problem
  "Okay!  Okay!  Sheesh!"  Kenny said, backing away
from the computer.
  "It's okay now."
  >>I'm coming anyway to make sure!<<
  "Alright, I can take a hint!" Kenny said.  "I don't
want any trouble!"
  "I'm just doing my job," Alvin said.
  "I'm sure," Kenny said.  "Alright then.  I'm going."

                   Ultimate Ninja 2020 #1
                      Kenny Mnemonic

The Pizza Pit.

  "So I've decided!  I am Sarcastic Boy... no more!"
  "Are you serious?" Major Marvel asked.
  Sarcastic Boy sighed.  "See?  That's my problem!
Nobody can tell when I am being serious because I have
always been sarcastic!"
  "No, don't apologize!" Sarcastic Boy said.  "It's my
fault.  I always thought Uncle Sarc was so cool!  I
never realized that people might not like him because
of his sarcasm.  Hell, I didn't even realize people
might not like _me_ because of my sarcasm."
  "So what brought this on then?" Penultimate Ninja
asked as he grabbed the last slice of pizza.
  Sarcastic Boy laughed. "Seeing the way people
reacted to Kaalix and K'Haleem while they were here, I
realized that being rude and obnoxious wasn't as cool
as I thought!"
  Penultimate Ninja nodded.  "Yeah.  I know what you
mean."  He took another bite of the pizza and started
chewing again.
  "So what does this mean?" VAMMO Girl asked.  "Does
this mean that you will give up being a net.hero and
just go back to being Larry St. Lawrence?"
  "Hmm," Sarcastic Boy mused.  "I suppose I could
become Pocket Man Jr."
  "Except that you'd need your father's suit,"
Penultimate Ninja pointed out, waving the pizza crust
in emphasis.
  "Well, I'm old enough!" Sarcastic Boy decided.
"Maybe he'll let me have it!"
  "Maybe," Penultimate Ninja said as he finished off
the slice he was eating.  Then he looked at the clock
on the wall and noticed the time.  "Geez!  I'm late!
I've got to go!"
  "Have fun!" Sarcastic Boy said.
  "Yeah, right," Penultimate Ninja said.  "I thought
you were going to stop being sarcastic!"
  "I'm serious!" Sarcastic Boy said.  "Training with
Ultimate Ninja is a great honour, isn't it?"
  "I guess so."
  "Let's not keep him here any longer!" Major Marvel
said.  "You go!  Now!"
  "Yes, ma'am!" Penultimate Ninja said with a smile
and a salute and then ran off out of the restaurant
and towards LNH HQ.

Later, in the Peril Room.

  "am i a Ninja Now?" aLLiterative Lad asked.
  "Not yet," Ultimate Ninja said.
  "Not yet a Ninja?"
  "That's what I said."
  "When Will i be a ninja Warrior like you?"
aLLiterative Lad asked.
  "Is that really what you want?"
  aLLiterative Lad nodded.
  Ultimate Ninja laughed.  "You're too young to be
thinking about such things!" he said. "Just follow the
training, okay?  And then we'll see."
  "aLright.  i'LL do as you teLL me."
  Penultimate Ninja ran into the room.  "Sorry," he
  "You're late!" Ultimate Ninja told him.
  "Yeah, well, I was having lunch."
  "At two o'clock in the afternoon?"
  "We got to the restaurant at 12:00 but then we had
to wait... and we we're talking."
  "Me, Sarcastic Boy, VAMMO Girl and Major Marvel."
  "I see."
  "Yeah, well, I have to eat."
  Ultimate Ninja shook his head.  "You need to decide
whether or not you want to continue with your
  "Are you serious?"
  "A ninja can't spend time going out on dates when he
should be training."
  "It wasn't a date."
  "And Major Marvel isn't your girlfriend now?" Ultimate
Ninja asked pointedly.  "I'm not senile.  I _do_ know
what's going on around me."
  "Well then you know more than I do.  As far as I
know, we're just friends!"
  "So you admit to being interested in her?"
  "Hey, no @#$%!  She's hot!"
  Ultimate Ninja sighed deeply.  "I have put up with a
lot from you.  I figured as long as your skills were
improving then I would excuse your bad manners but now
I see you getting soft."
  "Alright.  I'm sorry."
  "I should think so.  I wouldn't want aLLiterative
Lad picking up any of your language!"
  "he Said Sh--"
  "Yes, I know."
  "he Shouldn't Say Sh--"
  "Right.  So from now on, if you want to continue
your training, then no more swearing, no more drinking
and no more dating!"
  "I can't spend time with my friends?" Penultimate
Ninja asked.
  "You heard what I said."
  "Right."  Penultimate Ninja turned around and headed
back towards the door.  "I guess that's it then."  He
left the room.
  "he is Ninja No more?" aLLiterative Lad asked.
  Ultimate Ninja sighed deeply.

That evening, at the Net.ropolis Conspiracy
Corporation Headquarters.

  "I'm sorry but I wasn't able to get in," Kenny
Mnemonic said.  "I figured if I told them about my
power outright then they'd put me on probation or
something.  Instead they turned me down outright."
  Mr. Underling shook his head.  "We needed that
  "Not necessarily!"
  Mr. Underling and Mr. Bossman turned to look at the
man who had spoken.  "You think you can still deliver,
Mr. Michaels?" Mr. Bossman asked.
   Jerry Michaels nodded.  "All I need is a good look
at their machine."
  "What good would that do?" Mr. Underling asked.  "We
need to know how the machine _works_, not just what it
looks like!"
  Jerry smiled.  "I have the ability to reverse
engineer just about any technology, including alien
technology.  Trust me, all I would need is a good look
at the machine."
  "How do you propose to do this?" Mr. Bossman asked.
  "I can get in LNH HQ with one of the scheduled
  "Is the time portation device part of the regular
LNH tour?" Mr. Underling asked.
  "I will request a chance to see the machine for
  "What if they say no?"
  Jerry Michaels laughed.  "You think that I won't
learn anything just by looking at the machine?  Maybe
they will think the same way!"
  Mr. Bossman nodded.  "If this works, you'll be paid
in company stock worth eight figures.  I'm talking
  "It will work!" he assured them.
  Mr. Bossman raised his left index finger.  "I want
to be able to use this thing to look into the future.
Do you understand?  That's the only way that
Conspiracy Corporation can get the edge on Weinstein
Enterprises!  If we can see into the future then not
only will we know what they're going to do, we'll even
know before they do!"
  "I won't disappoint you, Sir!"
  "You'd better not!" Mr. Bossman said.  "I don't
accept failure!"
  Mr. Underling laughed.  Jerry paid no attention to
him.  He'd do the job he was hired to do.

NEXT: Pay Day!

Kenny Mnemonic, Jerry Michaels, Mr. Bossman, Mr.
Underling, Penultimate Ninja, Sarcastic Lad, VAMMO
Girl, Major Marvel and aLLiterative Lad created by me.

Alvin, Kaalix, K'Haleem and Weinstein Enterprises
created by Jesse Willey.

Conspiracy Corporation created by Jessica

Ultimate Ninja created by Raymond "wReam" Bingham.


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