[LNH2] Generation Zed: The New Class #10
cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
Thu Aug 12 18:15:47 PDT 2004
Johnny Stomper walked into Ultimate Ninja's office. The Ninja put
down his Washington Post Crossword Puzzle, and stared back at Stomper.
Johnny was shaking from head to the sole of his shoes.
"They did what?!" Ninja said.
"They destroyed all the sporting equipment," Stomper
"I knew we shouldn't have let the Ambassador General talk us into
letting those kids come here," Ultimate Ninja said. "Former
Legionnaire or not, his plans always seem to cost us equipment, and
"What about the time that he..." Johnny said.
"Yes, even that time," Ninja said.
Ultimate Ninja motioned Stomper to be silent.
"Ahem," Stomper said. "As I was saying, they destroyed all the
athletic equipment. Even your chemically treated nigh invulnerable
"That was a gift from Tiger. During the..." Ultimate Ninja said.
"... the gooey space worms incident. I was there. Remember?" Stomper
"Right," Ninja said. "So how did it happen?"
"Nevermind. I don't want to know," Ultimate Ninja said.
"I'll just show you the report," Stomper said.
Generation Zed: The New Class #10
Strange Visitors Part Two
One for the Home Team
Plotted by Martin Phipps
Written by Jesse N. Willey and Martin Phipps
Ambassador General Velnarc Peterson of Clan of Peterson walked the
three teenagers to the cafeteria door. He spotted a gorgeous woman
in the corner of the room. He took a step back.
"This is great Dad. I finally get to play basketball for real. This
is going to be so cool!" Dran said.
"Shut up. By Moakonzi's scar, you'd think you were a wussy human
with your video games, baseball and damned Marx Brothers DVDs," Kaalix
"Kaalix, quit complimenting your brother," Vel said.
"Complimenting? And he's not my friggin' brother and
anymore than you're my grifin' father," Kaalix said.
Khaleem cooed angrily, yet seemed quite happy about it.
"Your parents died and gave you to my keeping. In the eye's of the
Emperor, my eyes, and yes even the eyes of the great Moakonzi, I am
your father," Vel said. "Get used to it."
"Will you come to the game, Dad?" Dran asked.
Vel was staring over at the woman in the corner.
"No, I don't think so. Not today," Vel said.
The three teenagers walked into the cafeteria. The woman took one
look at them and then walked up to Onion Man.
"I can't do this," Seductress said. "Not now."
"I see," Onion Man said. "I guess I could do it. But Ultimate Ninja
wanted me to clean the grease traps in the oven today."
"Consider it done," she said.
SoWhat, Penultimate Ninja, and Token Boy sat and laughed as the
Kaalix and K'Haleem stared, their minds boggled, about `free throws'
for physical penalties. Only Cheesecake Eater Lass wasn't mocking
their alien guests.
"Dran, how do you know about basketball?" she asked.
"My.. my dad is only half Dorf. Kaalix's father too, but his mom was
a Dorf. My mother... I don't remember her... she's human. Anyway my dad
is always telling me that even we hybrids should take to the hardest
path. It's part of the Dorfan Code of honor. I'm not fully
Dorf. I'm mostly human. For me the hardest path... at least in a
mostly dorfan society... was try to be true to myself by being human,"
"So you play basketball, baseball, Mario Brothers,"
"Yep. I read a lot too," he said.
"Who are your favorite authors?" she said.
"Sam Clemens, Robert Frost, and Jean Paul Sartre. I just finished
Cervantes' Don Quixote. Oh, and I love Stephen King. Misery isn't
the same until you've read it in the original Dorfan," Dran said.
"Interesting..." she said.
"Alright, kids, time to play," Onion Man coughed.
"Sorry," Dran said.
Coach Onion Man held the ball in the air.
"Remember, when I blow the whistle the game starts.
Remember, no physical contact," he said.
"No contact? This game is without purpose!" Kaalix said.
"He's right," said Token Boy.
Then he blew the whistle. The ball hit the ground. Kaalix began
dribbling the ball. He turned to K'Haleem and Dran. His eyes
indicated that he thought he was in charge of the entire world.
"Uof, Zol, Nyb... hike!" Kaalix shouted.
Dran sighed. Kaalix charged the Net.tropolis Academy students,
knocking Token Boy to the ground. Onion Man blew the whistle.
"Penalty called on the Dorfan team for..." Onion Man said.
"Penalty? What the frig for? I was trying to be victorious,"
Kaalix bull charged Onion Man. He has about to trample his coach,
when he began to float off the ground. Dran's arms were pointed in
front of him.
"You... you freak! You're doing this somehow, aren't you!" Kaalix
"Kaalix, calm down. It's only a game," Dran said.
"Win or lose. There is no game," Kaalix barked.
Kaalix struggled in his zero gravity hold. He broke free and went
flying into the bleachers. He broke some boards as he fell. He
grabbed some splinters of wood and leapt forward. Whatever Dran had
done, it left him feeling drained. Kaalix started bludgeoning Dran
with the broken board. Cheesecake Eater Lass looked K'Haleem in the
"How can you let Kaalix do that?" she said.
K'Haleeem turned toward Dran and began kicking him.
"That has to hurt," said SoWhat.
"We have to do something!" Cheesecake Eater Lass said.
"You're right," SoWhat said pulling out her communication card and
sent out a general message. "Fight in the main gym. Five bucks a
ticket! Place money in my account in the Caymans."
Onion Man got up. He was very dazed. As he looked at Kaalix, he
blurted out the first thing that came to his mind: "Nice swing. Maybe
we'll try baseball tomorrow." About two second later, he passed out.
Then, seemingly from nowhere, Cheesecake Eater Lass let out a large
scream. She ran forward and brought K'Haleem to her knees. Just
then, the gym doors opened. A human's shadow was cast in the
"What's going on here?" asked Ultimate Ninja.
"Nothing," said Kaalix.
"Good," Ultimate Ninja said. "Now, let's get those injured down to
Dran woke up an hour later in the medical bay. Johnny Stomper
stepped over to him. He smiled softly.
"Don't worry. You'll be fine. We just want to run a few more
tests," he said.
"What? Why?" he said. "Wait... it's about the making Kaalix float
"Yes. Do you know how you did it?" Stomper said.
"No," he said. "Ask my dad. He might know."
"I'll do that," Stomper said.
Dran looked at the night stand next to his bed. A piece of cake and
a glass of blue liquid were lying there.
"Oh that... herbal cheesecake and Paprikaide. It should help you
heal and get your electrolytes up for tomorrow's baseball game,"
Doctor Stomper said. "One your friends brought it."
"I'm not at liberty to discuss. Doctor/patient confidentiality,"
Stomper said. "But it came with a card."
Dran finished the cake and underneath was a piece of
paper. Written on it were the words: from a Secret Admirer.
Dran approached the baseball diamond with pride. As a boy, he and
his father had spent hours in the Dorfan VR Arcades playing baseball
with some of history's greatest players from Babe Ruth and Jackie
Robinson. They had even received wisdom from the great philosopher
A wide smile was plastered on Dran's face. The wind was blowing.
The sun was shining. The sound of wood on...
"Kaalix--K'Haleem-- stop hitting each other with those bats," shouted
Coach Onion Man.
"What?" Kaalix grumbled.
"You're supposed to hit the ball," said Onion Man.
"Urrgggh! You humans are so aggravating!" Kaalix shouted as he tossed
his bat. It went flying toward Onion Man.
"Not in the face! Not in the face!" shouted Onion Man.
After that, things went calmly until the bottom the third inning. The
Dorfs were loosing Seven to nine. There was one out, and Net.tropolis
Academy students were at bat. Dran was on third base and K'Haleem was
on first. Kaalix was on second. On each of the corresponding bases
were Token Boy, SoWhat and Cheesecake Eater Lass. Penultimate Ninja
sent the ball flying out of the park like a bat out of hell.
Cheesecake Eater Lass dove for home and SoWhat quickly made it to
third. Kaalix jumped into the air and caught the ball.
"Penultimate Ninja, you're out!" shouted Johnny
Stomper from the umpires box.
"Go for the double play!" shouted Couch Onion Man.
"How do I do that?" Kaalix shouted.
Kaalix noticed Token Boy running toward him.
"Tag him! Tag the runner with the ball before he gets to the base!"
Onion Lad said.
"Okay," Kaalix said as he shoved the ball in Token
"Um, you're supposed to just touch me," said Token Boy.
"He said tag," said Kaalix.
"It doesn't mean the same thing as maim," shouted SoWhat from the
Johnny Stomper stepped out.
"I call this game in favor of the LNHers, due to injury," Stomper
"You can't do that. If they don't have enough players to continue,
we win by default," said Kaalix.
"Not if they are injuries you intentionally caused.
"I agree with Stomper," said Onion Lad. "Don't worry. I'll
think we'll try something else tomorrow."
Onion Man stared at the board. Chess was the safest idea he had come
up with. In point of fact, he was wondering why he hadn't though of
it before. Kaalix seemed to have an instinctive knack to for the game.
He went to take a quick sip of his soda. Then he heard a scream of
`ouch' and turned around. A pawn was sticking out of Token Boy's
nose. Token Boy slugged Kaalix.
"You started a fight during a chess game???" Onion
Man shouted at Kaalix.
"Stomper told me that under no circumstances should I let Token Boy
take my queen."
"That's it! I've had it! I'm calling your father," Onion Man
shouted. "Its times like these I'm mad I didn't take that life debt
thing." (See Vel #½)
Three days later, Seductress and Cheesecake Eater Man started putting
up posters in the hallway. Cheesecake Eater Man looked a little
"Do you think this a good idea?" he said.
"Say what you will about my ex-boyfriend, but a bad strategist is not
one of them," she said. "Besides, we don't have anymore gym equipment
for them to wreck."
"Good point. But a dance?" he sighed. "I guess my little girl is
growing up so fast."
"She's a teenager... when I was her age I'd... well I guess you probably
don't want to here about that. Don't worry, she's a good kid,"
Seductress said with a sigh.
"So, how are you and your boy doing," Cheesecake
Eater Man said
"What?" she muttered. "I... I haven't exactly introduced myself yet.
At all. I'm afraid that..."
"Go... do it... now!" he said.
To Be Continued...
Johnny Stomper created by Josh Geurink. Penultimate Ninja, Token Boy
and Seductress Cheesecake Eater Lass created by Martin Phipps
SoWhat created by Lalo Martins. Vel, Kaalix, Dran and K'Haleem
created by Jesse N. Willey. Onion Man created by Tom Russell Jnr. And
Dane Martin. Cheesecake Eater Man is the LNH2 version of Cheesecake
Eater Lad created by wReam.
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