[LNH2] LNH Asia: Full Throtle #4 (of 4)

Martin Phipps phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Sun Aug 1 07:21:44 PDT 2004

2020.  The future.  The village of Muubaanlek in northern

  Lagneto was sitting in his living room watching
the closing credits to Spiderman 6 on HBO when he
heard a knock on the door.  He got up and went to the
door to see who was there.  He was shocked to see who
it was.
  "Rumour Monger!" he said.

                     LNH Asia: Full Throtle #4

  "How did you do it?" Rumour Monger asked.
  "Do what?" Lagneto asked.  "Oh!  You mean how did I fake my death!  I just 
slowed down my metabolism to almost nothing!  It looked as though I had had 
a heart attack!"
  "That's not what I mean," Rumour Monger said.  "How did you make everybody 
forget about you?"
  "What are you talking about?"
  "You really don't know?"
  Just then, LNH Asia, including Deja Dude II, Utraman, Moonfire, N, Nimbo 
and Intuition Girl appeared in Lagneto's home.
  "What's going on here?" Lagneto asked.
  "It was us," Deja Dude II said, instinctively knowing what they had just 
been talking about.
  "You made everyone forget about Lagneto?" Rumour Monger asked.
  "Actually, that was my father," Deja Dude II explained.  "He thought it 
was the easiest way to deal with the situation because he didn't want you to 
come here and try to kill Lagneto."
  "Kill me?" Lagneto said.
  "Now who is spreading rumours?" Rumour Monger said with a hint of irony.
  "Well not so much you but Captain Coredump, Plotchopper and Robgoblin," 
Utraman explained.
  "So that's who Mr. Sumalee said was looking for me," Lagneto realised, 
"but why would they want to kill me?"
  "Perhaps they blamed you for what happened to Asteroid L," Intuition Girl 
  "Is this true?" Lagneto pointedly asked Rumour Monger.
  "Look at it from my point of view," Rumour Monger said.  "I arrived on 
Asteroid L (waaay back in Lagneto Saga #6 -- Footnote Woman) and next thing 
I knew, it was crashing to Earth.  The Rec.sian cosmonauts warned me that 
Asteroid L was in a decaying orbit but when I asked you about it, you denied 
  "I didn't realize at the time that Asteroid L was in a decaying orbit, not 
until you told me," Lagneto admitted.  "So that's why you testified against 
me at my trial (in Lagneto 2017 #3 -- Footnote Woman)!  I thought it was 
because AOL-Time-Warner-Dis.net-Sony-Seagrams-Newscorp was paying you for 
your testimony!"
  "Well," admitted Rumour Monger, "technically they were as I was and still 
am working for them... but it's not as if I had to perjure myself!"
  "No," Lagneto agreed, "but you didn't have to argue the prosecutions case 
for them."
  "Yeah, well," Rumour Monger said sadly, "if you think I sounded angry, you 
should have heard what Grim and Gritty had to say."
  "Grim blamed you for never helping him rescue Gritty from prison."
  "I know.  We talked about that before (in Lagneto Saga #8 -- Footnote 
  "Gritty and I met in prison.  We conceived a child."
  "I didn't know.  Congratulations!"
  "It grew up to be Grittier.  She died when a group of Dorfs attacked 
Asteroid AOL."
  "Oh.  I'm sorry."
  "She blamed you for her daughter's death."
  "Gritty had never been to Asteroid L.  To her, the idea of having a base 
of operations in space seemed incredibly dangerous.  Rather than blame me, 
thank goodness, for being a member of Homage Boy's Brotherhood on Asteroid 
AOL, she blamed you for putting the idea of going into space into 
everybody's mind in the first place."  Rumour Monger sighed.  "So, you see, 
all three of us had legitamate reasons for hating you."
  "And now?"
  "I don't know.  Grim and Gritty forgot all about you and when I told them 
how they felt, they seemed to think they were being a bit silly.  Likewise, 
Captain Coredump, Plotchopper and Robgoblin weren't interested anymore in 
tracking you down, especially if Grim and Gritty had lost interest.  They 
seemed to be enjoying themselves in Bang.DOS too much."  Rumour Monger 
rolled his eyes and sighed as if to imply he didn't approve.
  "So you've come here yourself to kill me?" Lagneto said with a laugh.
  "Hardly.  I just wanted to know how you did it."  He turned to look at 
Deja Dude.  "Now I know."
  "Why are you here anyway?" Lagneto asked.
  "I had a hunch that Rumour Monger was here," Intuition Girl said.
  "We had contacted LNH Europe and they told us that Rumour Monger had left 
for Thai.lan," N explained.  "They figured you were just going on vacation."
  Deja Dude II muttered something about "weak minds".
  "We want to know what you did with the LNH Roster!" Nimbo told Rumour 
  "What are you talking about?" Rumour Monger asked.
  "The Lan.darin gave you a floppy disk with the LNH Roster on it," Deja 
Dude II explained.
  "Oh that!" Rumour Monger said.  "But that was hopelessly out of date!  _I_ 
could have come up with a more up to date roster all by myself!"
  "Fair enough," Deja Dude II said.
  "Wait, Rudolph," Lagneto said, realising that he had his own secrets that 
he didn't want the world to know, "now that you know that I'm still alive, 
who are you going to tell?"
  "Nobody," Rumour Monger said flatly.  He looked around the room.  
Lagneto's wife Noi and sons Matthew and Steven had come down to see what all 
the fuss was about.  "I can see that you are no threat to any one, that you 
are just trying to raise your family.  I guess Gritty was right: we were 
being silly."
  "And what about LNH Asia?  Do you feel the same way?"
  "Absolutely!" Deja Dude II said.
  "Alright then."  Lagneto smiled at his wife.  "We weren't expecting 
guests, but, if you don't mind waiting, my wife can cook some rice and 
vegetables for you."
  "That would be great," Moonfire said.  "Thanks!"


  A few days later, at the Dorfian Embassy in Net.ropolis, Deja Dude II 
handed the Lan.darin's rings over to an attache.
  "I don't like doing this," Deja Dude II admitted.
  "They were stolen from us," the attache said.  "They are Dorfan property."
  "Technically they are the spoils of war."
  "And now we are at peace."
  "Are you also going to give Mr. Wang back his family?"
  The Dorfan attache sighed.  "Tell Mr. Wang that... that the people of 
Dorf... regret... his loss."
  Deja Dude II was surprised.  "You don't sound like a Dorf!"
  "The new Dorfan Embassador has instructed us to speak... how do you say 
it?  Ah, yes.  'Politely'."
  "The _new_ Dorfan Embassador?"
  "Yes, the one who you dealt with before (in LNH Europe 2020 #3 -- Footnote 
Woman) was considered to have behaved inappropriately by our Emperor."  He 
grimaced.  "Please understand: in our language, there is no word for 
'diplomat'.  The closest approximation would be 'bastos' which means 'wimp' 
in your language."
  "I see."
  "I imagine the Emperor must have had a hard time finding a suitable 
  "How so?"
  "The new Ambassador isn't even fully Dorf," he said with obvious 
resentment.  "He's half human."
  "Half human?" Deja Dude II asked.  "I see what you mean.  There can't be 
many half human / half Dorfs."  Deja Dude II mused for a moment.  "Hmm.  I 
get the funny feeling that this is a set up for something."

              THE END of LNH Asia: Full Throtle

NEXT: I can't say!  (Well, technically I could but I won't!)

Rumour Monger created by Raymond "wReam" Bingham.  Lagneto created by Jef 
Kolodziej.  LNH Asia created by me.  Footnote Woman (Girl) created by Saxon 


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