[LNH2] LNH Europe 2020 #4 (of 4)

Martin Phipps phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Sun Apr 25 07:09:46 PDT 2004

LNH Europe 2020 #4: Dorf Wars, Episode III, Part III

2020.  The future.  The Holi.dat Inn hotel conference room, The Hague, 

  It was the LNH that first delt with the Dorfs back in 1992.  It was the 
LNH that delt with the Dorfs when they attacked again ten years later.  It 
was in 2003 that an LNH delegation was sent to Yaboo to negotiate and sign a 
peace treaty with the Dorfs (as was established off panel in The Team #50 
--Footnote Woman).   It was the Treaty of Yaboo that established the Net.ral 
Zone, a area of space one parsec thick located midway between Looniearth and 
the Dorfian homeworld which no ship from either planet was allowed to cross.
  The treaty had been violated already by both sides.  The most recent 
violations were first by a Dorfian destroyer commanded by Boba LaRocque, one 
that was destroyer in a matter of seconds by LNH Asia who then captured Boba 
LaRocque and brought him to Looniearth, and second by a Dorfian diplomatic 
envoy demanding that Boba LaRocque be turned over to them immediately.
  As it was always the LNH that delt with the Dorfs in the past, it is the 
LNH that was expected to deal with the Dorfs now.  Once again, Ultimate 
Ninja found himself in the awkward position of being expected to act as a 
diplomat instead of as a warrier.  As Boba LaRocque was being held in 
Europe, he decided to let Hamster Man and his team do all the talking while 
he stood back and observed.
  "You realize that our presence here is a violation of the Treaty of Yaboo, 
don't you?" Hamster Man asked.
  "Frig the Treaty!  The treaty hasn't been worth shite since your people 
friggin' well violated the treaty to friggin' well retrieve one of your 
  Linguist Lass translated for Hamster Man.  "He says we violated the treaty 
when Deja Dude went to Dorf to retrieve his wife a few years ago."
  Hamster Man nodded.  "But surely you realize that if one of our people was 
kidnapped here on Looniearth and brought to Dorf then it was your people who 
violated the treaty first.  Is that not right?"
  "Frig you!  I see your people friggin' well coming to Dorf to retrieve one 
of your people and were coming here to do the same, but without friggin' 
well killing anybody."
  "He says that  he disagrees, that the situation for them is the same as it 
was for you in that he is coming here to retrieve one of their people."
  "That's hardly true," Hamster Man argued.  "Boba LaRocque is being accused 
of destroying two cities on Looniearth with the ultimate goal of destroying 
all life on Looniearth.  Deja Dude's wife was not being held for trial.  Nor 
was she captured while on an apparent mission to attack Looniearth!"
  "Deja Dude was friggin' well responsible for the deaths of thousands of 
Dorfs back in your 2002!"
  "He is complaining that Deja Dude killed thousands of Dorfs when the Dorfs 
attacked back in 2002."
  Hamster Man shook his head.  "Surely the people of Looniearth have the 
right to defend themselves against an enemy attack."
  "So we're the friggin' enemy now, huh?"
  "You were at the time, yes," Hamster Man argued, not waiting for the 
  "And now?  Are we the friggin' enemy?"
  Hamster Man looked to Linguist Lass but she couldn't quite get what the 
Dorfian Ambassador was trying to say.
  "I'm sorry.  Could you rephrase the question?"
  "Are you friggin' well going to turn Boba LaRocque over to us or not?"
  Linguist Lass understood.  "I think what he means is that we should hand 
over Boba LaRocque as a gesture of goodwill."
  "And what about the crimes he is accused of?"
  "He will friggin' well face Dorfian justice!"
  "And why didn't he face Dorfian justice three years ago when he commited 
the crimes he is being accused of?"
  "The Dorfian Empire does not recognize crimes commited outside of its 
borders!  As far as we are concerned, Boba LaRocque's only crime was that of 
crossing the Net.ral Zone!"
  "So you admit that Boba LaRocque did cross the Net.ral Zone in violation 
of the Treaty of Yaboo!"
  "Yes, of course, but he wasn't friggin' well authorized to do so, not on 
any occasion.  As is customary on Dorf, when one commits a crime he is 
warned not to commit the same crime again.  If he does then he faces our 
justice!  That is why we want Boba LaRocque returned to us!  He cannot face 
judgement at the hands of mere humans!"
  Hamster Man nodded.  "Just wait.  We will discuss your offer."  Hamster 
Man and Linguist Lass stood up from the table and went over to where 
Ultimate Ninja was standing.
  "Did you hear?" Hamster Man asked Ultimate Ninja.
  "How could I not?  Dorfs practically scream when they talk!"
  "What do you think?"
  "I don't trust him?"
  "What options do we have?  The Treaty of Yaboo did not deal with how to 
punish violations."
  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "Tell him we will turn over Boba LaRocque to him 
but we we do so on Dorf.  We will then observe their justice first hand."
  "Very well."  Hamster Man and Linguist Lass went back to the table and 
explained Ultimate Ninja's proposal.  The Dorf screamed and swore and 
threatened and insulted the two legionaires.  Linguist Lass then stood up 
and went back to speak to Ultimate Ninja.  She had a smile on her face.
  "He agrees to our proposal!" she said.

  The next day, Master Blaster and Mother State-the-Obvious brought the 
Millenium Eagle to the airport in the Hague.  Ultimate Ninja brought 
Linguist Lass, Deja Dude, Deja Dude II, Utraman, Moonfire and the Dorfian 
ambassador to meet them.
  "Rob, wReanna, this is the Dorfian Ambassador."
  "Screw you!" the Dorfian Ambassador said, making a rude gesture at the 
  "Is the Millenium Eagle ready for a journey to the Dorfian Homeworld?"
  "The Millenium Eagle is... but I don't know if I am," Master Blastrer 
  "Please, Rob," Ultimate Ninja said.  "We need experienced people for this 
  "Alright," he said.
  "Good."  Ultimate Ninja addressed his team.  "This is to be a diplomatic 
mission.  We are to bring Boba LaRocque to Dorf and then stay on Dorf to 
witness him being put on trial by his own people.  We will stay to confirm 
that the trial was both fair and just and then we will return home.  I don't 
want to see a single Dorf killed on this mission, do you understand?"
  Mother State-the-Obvious looked to see who Ultimate Ninja was bringing on 
the mission: her husband, Master Blaster; Deja Dude; his on, Deja Dude II; 
Utraman amd Moonfire.  These five had killed more Dorfs than the rest of 
humanity combined.  "You are sending the wrong people for a strictly 
diplomatic mission," she said.
  Ultimate Ninja smiled.  "I don't want a single Dorf killed... but I don't 
trust them either.  When we arrive on Dorf, they might turn on us.  I want 
people around me who can handle themselves."
  "Handle themselves?  They could lay waste to the planet!"
  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "Which is exactly why they will leave us alone!"  
Ultimate Ninja turned to speak to the Dorfian Ambassador.  "Boba LaRocque 
will be brought to Dorf aboard this ship which will follow your ship back to 
Dorfian space.  Do we have a deal?"
  "Frig you!"
  Ultimate Ninja smiled.  He had spent enough time around Dorfs to 
understand their speach patterns.  "Good," he said.  "We have a deal!"

NEXT, in LNH Asia 2020 #4, THE CONCLUSION!


LNH Europe created by Kevin Wilcox.  Used with permision.  Hamster Man, 
Ultimate Ninja  and Sister State-the-Obviousd created by Raymond "wReam" 

Linguist Lass, Deja Dude, Master Blaster, Deja Dude II, Utraman, Moonfire, 
Boba LaRocque and LNH Asia created by me.

The Team created by Jesse Willey.  Footnote Girl created by Saxon Brenton.


Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online 

More information about the racc mailing list