LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #63: Birth Of A Villain Part Three

[Drew Perron]

On 5/27/2018 4:56 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> In this weeks reposting of stuff you can find in the eyrie archive
> https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/
> we have the third section of a Birth Of A Villain.
> 
> Joining the Birth of a Villain cascade with #8 is Tom Russell who has
> Coward Lad join the scary fun.  And also Anything-You-Can-Do-I-Can-Do-Better
> Lad's nephews Authorial and Lad because -- hey, you can never have too many
> characters -- right?

The names of these characters. Why. X3

> And finally #9, Rob Rogers returns with a big issue to try and wrangle all of
> the chaos into something a bit more coherent -- will he succeed?

Considering how many issues this cascade got, methinks so.

>      "So!" a voice boomed from the back, approaching the mess of heroes
> and the villain.  "THIS is where I find you!"
>      Vector's evil countenance faded momentarily as she glanced at the guy
> entering the scene.  "No!  You'll not stop me now!"
>      "Melissa," he said sternly.
>      "But Daddy . . . I'm *trying* to be a villain."
>      "Stop this nonsense and come on back home."

So... this is wReamicus Maximus, I guess? X3

>      "I am Coward Lad," he said.  "Or I once was!  But now . . . I am no
> longer afraid!"  He paused for a moment.  "So, what's happening here?"
>      Lite pointed to Vector.  "You just killed the father of a maniacal
> villain, losing all hope of reaching her."
>      "Oh," Coward Lad said.

The wacky kind of manslaughter!

>      "But . . . I'm scared of dying!" Coward Lad said with a howl, leaving
> as fast as his feet would carry him.  Vector ignored him, and turned back
> to the congregation of heroes.
>      "Now . . . where were we again?"

Actually, hadn't you been sploded by a quantum fusion bomb? That's right, this 
is where things start getting Confusing.

>      "I am Lad, and this is Authorial!" one of the two young spandex-clad
> boys said. "Cease and desist, or we'll have to use physical force!"
>      "Though, in your case," Authorial said to Vector, "I certainly
> wouldn't mind."
> 
>      WILL ANYTHING-YOU-CAN-DO-I-CAN-DO-BETTER-LAD'S NEPHEWS MUCK THINGS UP?

Had they actually appeared before?

> Coming to Lite's aid, a group of Legionaires and other assorted
> heroes fought Vector to a standstill, until she disappeared during an
> explosion caused by Gorilla Grad.  While one group of heroes has left to
> track down the missing villain, a second confronts another incarnation of
> Vector within the restaurant...

Rob works to de-confuse it! But will he succeed?

>          Gorilla Grad awoke.  That, in itself, had not been so bad, although
> it was certainly something he tried to avoid most mornings of the week.

Heeheehee. Relatable.

>          He reached forward with one hand, and again felt it -- a smooth
> surface, probably plastic, curving downward.

The Spoon of Destiny! No, wait

> He pushed harder, and felt
> the world lurch suddenly beneath his feet as his sphere of imprisonment
> rolled forward in the dark.  Gasping and grunting to remain standing,
> Gorilla Grad shuffled about in panic until the ball struck something solid.

It always takes me a bit to realize what's physically going on here.

>          Gorilla Grad gaped.  Surrounding the television in every direction
> were dozens, perhaps hundreds, of tall, red-headed women identical to those
> Grad had hoped to fuse together during the battle at Planet Kirby that
> now seemed so long ago.  The women carried clipboards, operated computer
> terminals or adjusted dials on machinery complex enough to have driven a
> lesser being to madness.  Gorilla Grad merely raised one furred eyebrow.

So many Vectors. <3 <3 <3 I love this character.

>          "Last...offer..." gasped Authorial, clutching his arms to his chest
> in agony as a wave of Legionaire's Disease made every movement an exercise
> in frustration.  "Dinner...and...movie...pick...up...at...six."
>          "Can...top," Lad wheezed, as two Vectors held his arms while a
> third pummeled his stomach.  "Make...dinner...for...you...followed...by...
> box...at...theater."
>          "Unbelievable," said Vector -- or, at least, said the copy of the
> living virus directing her clones in the fight against the two net.heroes.
> "Wracked by disease, hanging by the tips of your fingernails from the
> precipice of defeat, and yet the two of you continue to hit on me.  How is
> this possible?"

Usually I hate the "funny perv" archetype, but Rob's doing it *so* well.

>          At that moment, however, a scale model of spaceQuest: Raven
> toppled from its place near the restaurant's ceiling and bounced off the
> villain's cranium with a pleasant-sounding "bong."

Heeheehee

>          "Looks like your ship just came in, boys," Narcoleptic Lad said,
> his hands gripped around the handle of a tremendous claymore recently
> liberated from a display case.

Nice subtle callback~

>          "Bring it on, ladies!" Narcoleptic Lad said.  "I've got thirty-six
> inches of steel right here that's going to send each and every one of you
> back to...oh, crap."  He toppled to the floor and began snoring.

*cackles*

>          From her post behind the juke box, Invisible-Intangible-Inaudible
> Lass gasped.  *Authorial isn't even fighting back,* she said.  *He's just
> walking forward like a drunk, his eyes fixated on that woman.  She must be
> doing something to his mind...*
>          Rubbing her head with one hand, the toppled Vector used the other
> to pull herself up along the back of a chair.  Staring about the room in
> confusion, she turned to one of her sisters.  "There is another here," she
> said.  "A Lurker.  Find her.  Destroy her."

Yesssss, integrate IIILass into the plot :D

>          Easily-Discovered Man Lite sighed.  "Trying to make some sense out
> of all of this."  He held up a yellow legal pad, and Mouse peered down to
> make out the ball-point scrawlings on the page.  Between inkblots, crossed-
> out words and a doodle of what appeared to be the Ultimate Ninja were the
> words "virus," "gorilla," "fusion bomb," and "what would Gamer Boy think?"

*cackles^2*

>          "This is _my_ energy rifle, and I'll keep it loaded if I damn well
> please," shouted a female voice from the front of the van.
>          "But Twaeila, think of what might happen if it went off," Coward Lad
> whined.  "Can you really afford to take the chance?"

Heeheehee

>          "If Deductive Logic Man were here, he'd have the whole thing
> figured out by now," Lite continued.  "Or that Nick Naime guy Cynical Lass
> is always reading about in her pulp magazines.  Or Decibel Dude.  He was
> good about these kinds of things.  Instead, we've got you, and me, and...
> him," he said, indicating a muscular Chinese man with a squirrel on his
> shoulder seated on the other side of the van.  "Who the heck are you
> supposed to be, anyway?"
>          A moment went by before the man replied.  "I'm sorry.  Are you
> talking to me?  I thought you were addressing the squirrel."
>          The rodent in question solemnly handed Lite a walnut.

Ohhhhh, and here we go on this ridiculous subplot. :3

>          "Thanks for the vote of confidence," Lite said.
>          "You're being so...serious," Mouse said.  "It's unnatural."
>          "I know," Lite said.  "But I have this funny feeling, like this
> thing we're in right now could be the biggest thing that's ever happened to
> me.  And that scares me.  I mean, all I've ever done is run around making
> stupid jokes and trying to keep Easily-Discovered Man from getting killed.
> I never know if this is going to be the day when being a wiseass isn't going
> to save my life."

This ends up being basically Lite's character arc from here on out

>          Mouse slumped down beside her fellow sidekick.  "I guess I know what
> you mean.  I never wanted to be a super-hero, much less the object of
> affection of every male that walks or crawls in the Legion roster.  I wish
> some of these heroes would treat me less like a girl, and more like a
> colleague."

You know what's the best antidote for that, adding a few dozen more female 
heroes to the Legion >.>c

>          "Except for Tsar Chasm, of course," Lite said.  "Well, maybe this is
> it.  Maybe this is the moment when the two of us shed our images as comic
> relief and become the kind of disciplined leaders the new Legion of Net.
> Heroes needs to survive."
>          The road rumbled beneath them as the van continued its progress.
>          "That was an April fool, right?" Mouse asked.
>          "Well, duh," Lite said.  "Say, you're a girl, right?  Do you think
> that Twaeila Brock will be impressed that I can burp out the lyrics to
> 'One Night in Bangkok' on one can of Mr. Paprika?"

Heeheehee

>          "Mouse, dear," Writers Block Woman called from the driver's seat.
> "And Lite.  There's something up here I think you really should see."
>          "Really should see, as in we want to see it, or really should see
> as in this could well be the last thing we ever see?" Lite asked.
>          "Well, you know, it sees us, and it seems rather unhappy about what
> it sees, and I thought perhaps there might be something we ought to do
> about that," Writers Block Woman replied.
>          Mouse and Lite looked at each other.  "Oy," they said.

So may good interactions here. <3

>          "Everything is going according to plan," the robed figure continued.
> "As you can see, by creating a threat to the Internet, we have managed to
> lure most active members of the Legion of Net.Heroes to a single location,
> removing them from their respective series and playing havoc with
> continuity.  Soon, the moment will be at hand when we will be able to
> obliterate all of these inferior creations with a single stroke -- leaving
> the net open to the glorious coming of the One True Author!"

Oh, like nonsensical continuity has ever stopped this before.

>          "That's very interesting," Gorilla Grad said.  "But tell me again
> how you managed to achieve rapid resequencing of Vector's DNA without
> causing instability in the resulting being's genetic structure?"
>          "Oh, you with your details," the figure sighed.  "Very well.  By
> preparing a special nutrient bath drawn from the research of the eminent..."

The same way they were able to turn LNHers into Dorfs in v2 #50, of course

>          Gorilla Grad memorized every detail as his white-robed host droned
> on.  He had not yet discovered a means of escape from the plastic ball
> surrounding him, although he had determined that it was air-permeable.  Of
> one thing he was certain, however: if and when he escaped this particular
> situation, it would be with every morsel of information he needed to defeat
> Vector and her creators.  Every morsel.

Extremely thoughtful and in-character. <3

>          "Much of the unexpected occurs today," the host said.  "Of course,
> chaos and entropy are exactly the kind of environment in which I thrive.

Yessss. :D

>          "Rebel Yell?" Father Brown gasped.  "You don't really think..."
>          "You've never fought the Legion of Net.Heroes before," the acolyte
> said.  "With this group, anything is possible."

:3

Drew "a good place to end off" Perron