LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #8: Looniverse Adrift! Part Three

[Drew Perron]

On 3/9/2016 9:56 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snop>
> 	Cheesecake-Eater Lad looked more miserable.  "PK -- not even you _or_
> aLLiterative Lass voted for me?  I mean, I've even had assistant Leader
> experience before ..."
> 	PK Kid finally realized his friend was despondent.  "Wait a minute now,
> C-E.  For it to be unanimous, you must've voted for Cat too, same as everyone
> else.  It's no reflection on you, it's just everyone thought she was best for
> the job.  I mean, her speech was great.  All you did was promise more varieties
> of cheesecake in the cafeteria."

It's another example of nice ambiguity - her powers, or the fact that he wasn't 
a very good candidate, or both? (Probably both.)

> 	C-E Lad's confusion didn't erase his depressed mood.  "I don't know.
> I don't think I want to talk about it anymore.  We better get going if we don't
> want to miss the show."

Awwwww, poor guy.

> 	Ordinary Lady laughed.  "Well, ok.  But you've already told me about
> twelve times."
> 	Innovative Offense Boy winced.  "(#&@$^ ..."
> 	Ordinary Lady layed a hand on the Offensive Avenger's arm.  "Look, if
> you want to tell me another thirty times, at least do it over dinner."
> 	IO Boy's eyes went wide.  He gulped, then grinned.  "You $(&#^in' bet!"

Gleeeeeeee. :3 Shipping~

> 	These familiar tapes were few in number, however, compared to a series
> of 1169 tapes marked 'UN vs LNH.'  The marking meant nothing to her, and she
> could not even remember recording them.
> 	Her empty Hood pointed at the screen.  In the hood's shadowed depths,
> the woman's eyes took in the gory battle being replayed.  A dark-clad figure
> weilding ninja weapons handily defeated the simulated might of the LNH.  HHW
> stood motionless for minutes after the tape ended.  Then she collected it and
> melted into the shadows.  She hoped Dr. Stomper's Lab had a dark corner she
> might materialize in.

Man. The whole "we forgot a huge chunk of the people in our lives" thing is good 
here, but not as good as it would be in a version of the LNH where these 
characters had had their relationships and interiority fleshed out more. Of 
course, this is part of that process, so you can't blame 'em.

> 	Censor Girl sat bolt upright in the LNH detention cell.  Or more
> appropriately, the husk that used to be Censor Girl.  Inside the cyborg, Lord
> Ebon shrugged on the mantle of control.

You could probably write a whole paper about female bodies and agency and etc.

> Of more import was the host's dual nature.  Through Censor Girl's
> cybernetics, Ebon found he was now directly linked with the System -- machinery
> formed according to the Looniverse's loose natural laws.

The way the Looniverse works according to this story is fascinating. I need to 
reference it sometime.

> 	On a plush green plain a platoon of giant robots clashed with twelve-
> story swords.  In the background, at first out of focus, an impossibly tall
> technological city reached for the sky.  A man in a green uniform that bristled
> with mechanisms eyed a three-story viewscreen.  His overlarge eyes boggled,
> then a mouth that held large square teeth grinned.
> 	"Is it possible?" he mused aloud.  "Is all our training to be validated
> so soon?  The LNH without it's mightiest heroes is coming to _me_, and they
> don't even know it?"

Oh man, I forgot Manga Man was in this! Even more high-level villainy!

> 		//Dog-gone it Cat-less Lass, I wanted to be leader,// whined
> 	Chow-Chow Eater Lad.
> 		//Oh chow-chow eater Lad, i'LL Let you Lead _me_ any time,//
> 	purred aLLiterative Lassie.

Heeheehee.

> 		//Today McDaschund Man examines "the LNH:  Let sleeping
> 	dogs lie or put'em to sleep?"  And here's your host ....McDaschund Man!//
> 		//Thank you Lethal Labrador ...//
>
> 	The four LNHers stared aghast at the television.  As one they got up
> and ran for the Med-Lab.  "Dr. Stomper .... !"

*snerk*

> 	Adamant Authority On Everything suddenly stood up.  I have a theory on
> that.  Don't you see?  All the bodies were given psychic 'stingers' if you will.
> The teleportation put 'em into a coma, but psychically they destroyed us all!
> It's some mad plot to unite the world, I tell you!"
> 	Ferris furrowed his eyebrows unbelievingly.  "But surely we're all still
> alive."
> 	AAOE coughed, looked around.  "Wait and see ..." he muttered as he sat
> back down.

*cackles!*

> 	The hall was silent as they struggled to put the pieces together.
> 	"All evidence seems to indicate that these bodies actually belong here.
> Which can only mean ... the same force that has struck down half of the LNH has
> struck our memories so we don't even know they ever existed!  Ladies and
> gentlemen, we are under attack!"
> 	Chorus of 'oh yeah' and 'of course' and 'its all so clear now' filled
> the hall.

Heeheehee. <3

   Ferris turned the mike back over to Dr. Stomper.  "It's worse than
> that, Legion.  Anyone that has been outside in the past 24 hours knows that
> Net.ropolis has undergone a weird transformation.  The entire population has
> been replaced by friendly, prehensile, fully clothed, _dogs_.

DUN DUN DUNNNNN~ that was a bit of an oddly paced reveal but~

> Self-Righteous Preacher burst in the back of the hall.
> 	"I knew it!  I knew it!  You attend service on Sunday but do you
> listen?  Noo ... well it's finally happened.  The LNH has gone to Hell!"
> 	Curly, Golden Man and Captain Capitalize rushed to the windows.  Out-
> side the LNHHQ walls lay a dark landscape, stinking of brimstone.  Great gouts
> of flame colored the smoky sky, casting a flickering light on Net.ropolis.  The
> citizens were transformed once again, from happy, prehensile canines to demonic
> creations of pure hellfire.  The demons appeared to be rioting, randomly
> incinerating the person next to them, then cackling off to fire bursts at
> another rioter.

:D :D :D A great splash page

> 	Lord Ebon sat atop a mountain of pure granite.  He rested his cybernetic
> host body on a ball formed from the grey surface, propped his foot on a carved
> triangle.  The horizon glowed orange against a smoky black sky.  The sense of
> desecrating a grave cheered him.

That's a great paragraph.

> As an outsider to the
> Net.realities, he recognized those words as being from the computers which were
> in dimensional sympathy with the Net.

That's definitely how it works.

> 	MRM spoke up.  "This thing is crippling us.  We've got to do something.
> The LNH is doing its best to protect the citizenry, but _everyone_ has become a
> flame-throwing maniac.  The Med-Lab is crowded with bodies, and our wounded are
> having a difficult time getting aid.

Fascinating. :o Hm. I wonder if the effect was worldwide - you'd think it'd be 
universal, but then, how much "The Looniverse" crosses over with "alt.comics.lnh"...

> 	"No, I'm afraid not.  And I read up on the history, too.  If it's any
> consolation, I know for a fact that there is LNH history still to come.  The
> RACelestial Madonna hasn't been chosen yet, or . . ."

Good drop!

> 	Deductive Logic Man interrupted.   "Wait.  If this hasn't happened in
> the history of the Looniverse, then that can only mean . . . we are no longer
> in the Looniverse!"

DUN DUN DUNNNNN-- does. Does that make sense?

> 	Irony Man interjected,  "Dr. Stomper, I just got a reading of 3.2 on my
> Irony Detector."
> 	"Your Irony Detector? Then someone _is_ here that knows the answer!"
> Catalyst looked around the table.  Each of her cabinet officers shook their
> heads.  "If it's none of us, then either someone invisible is watching us,
> or ..."
> 	"No, that's it," said Irony Man as the needle flickered.  The
> Concidental Crusader tried a gambit of his own.  "It would be unfortunate if
> anyone attacked us now, weakened as we are."  He eyed the detector.  "The
> watcher is friendly.  No stir on the dial.  Perhaps -- 'that unseen lurker
> could tell us alot ...'"  The detector pinned.  "It's no use.  He can't speak
> to us."

This is a smart way of playing with it. <3

> 	<(There's worse news than that.  The hell-world has disappeared.)>
> 	"What do you mean, Hood?" asked C-E Lad.  "That's good news, isn't it?"
> 	<(No.  In it's place, Net.ropolis has become a techno-city.  A techno-
> city under attack.)>

So this implies it's just Net.ropolis... *pins up dartboard*

> 	"Hey, I AM alive here!  It's not like I can't tell you who I am...
> geez," came from the newest occupant of the base.  He was wearing a
> chartreuse and purple jump-suit with a bright green mask.

Are you a Marvel villain from the '60s o.o

> 	Pocket Man looked at the gaudily clad stranger,"Fine.  Who are you,
> then?"
> 	"I'm ERRAND BOY!" he said with a slight flourish.

That's not a no

> 	Being a quick minded type, and having dealings with them in the past,
> Netlurker made a  deductive leap, and pinned the blame for this mess on the
> LNH.

Heeheehee

> *** Mode change "+p" on channel #lnh by TsarChasm
> <TsarChasm>  That should keep out unwanted people
> <ErrandBoy>  Neat!
> <TsarChasm>  I have adapted Kid Kirby's scanners to become an IRC server.
> <Sig_Lad>  IRC?  Great...I tried to avoid this place as best as I could.
> <Pocket_Ma>  IRC..? I've heard about this place before...just never thought
> +I would see it.

Yesssss, different media :D

> 	Kid Kirby was keeping his vigil over the RACelestials, even though
> Lord MUDD had tried innumerable methods of distracting him.

See, and them being kept in shadow in the previous chapter didn't really matter.

> 	"MUSH?"
> 	"No."
> 	"OK...MUD?"
> 	"No."
> 	"Aww...they just made a Transformers MUSH even!"
> 	Kid Kirby hesistated..."No."
> 	"Wanna read some news?"
> 	"NO."
> 	"How about a quick game of Nettrek?"
> 	"LEAVE ME BE!"  Kid Kirby had finally reached the end of his patience.

Heeheehee. <3 I quite like Lord MUDD when he shows up. Need to figure out a way 
to use him.

> <Master_Wo>  I shall destroy this IRC...starting with THIS channel!
> *** Scowling has joined channel #lnh
> <Master_Wo>  What?!
> *** LordMUDD has joined channel #lnh
> <Master_Wo>  MUDD! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!?!?
> *TsarChasm is lost in the alien thoughts...too much for him to handle..

I love how an intensely different form of reality is shown as a different type 
of text medium.

> 	Incredible amounts of energy were suddenly unleahsed and Tsar Chasm
> decided NOW was time to clear out.  Nothing happened.  Tsar Chasm realized
> he had no means of escape...he found his link to the Webs severed.  He
> laughed as he realized that a flaw in one of his plans was about to
> lead to his death.  More nearly insane laughter resulted from another
> realization...he had prided himself on being a presence where he went,
> but here, among these beings he was ignored completely.

Yes good. <3 Conceptually very strong.

> 	"Amazing!" declared Pocket Man.  Bits of the white background had
> begun to vanish, replaced by a replica of Pocket Man's room at LNHHQ.
> "I just thought about it...and it was here!"
> 	Sig.Lad nodded, "Of course...being a WC allows you some ability
> to mold what is around you.  Since there is nothing to work from...
> we are fairly unrestrained with what we can do."

Interesting. Reminds me of the Oddball Looniverse.

> 	Sig.Lad switched to Sig.Roach and picked up Netlurker, slamming him
> against a wall that suddenly appeared behind them.
> 	"Here is the negotiation...you show us alt.comics.lnh, and you walk
> away with four functioning limbs!"
> 	Netlurker laughed, "You drive a hard bargain...but I accept
> those terms."

He clearly wants to. <3 It's nice.

> 	The battle raged with neither side gaining a clear advantage, and
> Kid Kirby realized that neither side could truly gain an upper hand
> in this struggle.  The status quo had been established, and neither of
> their actions could alter it.  Higher powers had decided it, Workload
> and MUDD only represented it.

Cosmic beings balancing each other out. <3

> <LordMUDD> And what about...oh, you never were any fun, RACelestial!
> +I wonder what is going on at #hottub...

Heeheehee

Drew "lots of fun" Perron