8FOLD: Nonfiction # 4, "Top 5 Explanations for Ranovia and Why They All Suck"

[Andrew Perron]

On 9/12/2014 8:24 PM, Tom Russell wrote:
<snip>
> Does Ranovia, an obscure and tiny nation in the Balkans famed for its
> cheeses and unique "dance-opera" folk tradition, exist?
>     The answer is no. Unequivocally, undeniably, completely and
> definitely, no. There is no such place.

Innnnnnnnnteresting.

>     Before July 5, 2012, we can be reasonably certain that Ranovia did
> not exist and had never existed. Let's call it ninety-nine percent,
> with a margin of error of +/-0.3% to account for the usual fracturing
> of time and space due to varying cosmic crises. And from July 8
> onwards, we're one hundred percent certain that Ranovia does not and
> did not exist.
>     Which only leaves the question of those three days in July five
> years ago.

Very interesting. <3 (Also, I spot your near-future perspective!)

>     In GRAF VON JAROSLAV, the best-regarded (and, to this day,
> most-performed) of all Ranovian comic dance-operas, the eponymous Graf
> is destined to fall in love with the Princess Sophia, but before they
> meet, he must dance with each of her sisters, who initially seem
> promising matches but prove to be ill-mannered and flatulent. Like
> Jaroslav, we will in turn flirt with each of the usual explanations,
> examine what makes them initially attractive, and then find out why
> they stink.

Metatextuality! Meta-allusion!

> Earth, as we know now, sits on a kind of fault-line in reality. It is
> the place in our universe-- in all universes-- where the walls between
> those universes is the weakest. (That's why, some theorize, most alien
> civilizations give us a pretty wide berth; we're not worth the
> trouble.)

And also why the Pulse War happened! <3 I love this continuity.

>     Secondly, there's the fact that we have no evidence that a physical
> place called Ranovia ever showed up. None of the countries it bordered
> noticed any kind of displacement. But more on that in a hot second.

Hmmmmmmm!

>     The third thing, and this is something specific to the transit of
> Venus theory, is a lack of precedent. While the walls are weakest
> during the transit, we don't have a record of anything like this
> happening in 2004, or in 1882 (the last two transits; the next won't
> be until 2117).

Good historyifying!

> A "tlonic event", for those not in the know, is when something
> fictitious becomes real. The term comes to us from Jorge Luis Borges's
> prescient short story, "Tlon, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius", written some
> twenty years before the first tlonic event took place.  This doesn't
> happen terribly often-- our world is weird enough as it is, thank you
> very much-- but the one most people know about is what happened in Rex
> Falls, Ontario about ten years back.

Has this shown up yet in anything else?

>     The fact is that when we talk about Ranovia, we talk about those
> three days in 2012 in particular-- that the world, as a whole,
> suddenly noticed that something was transparently wrong. And that's
> just not how tlonic events work.

Hmmmmmmm.

>     It fits, to a degree, but the only issue with that, of course, is
> what scheme were they furthering? Much like the invasion theory
> (number three), the three days of Ranovia passed without incident.
> Adherents will gloss over this, and argue that Ranovia may have been a
> trial run for something bigger and deadlier down the road.
>     Optimism!

Dun dun dunnnnnn!

>       IF YOU LIKED THIS ARTICLE, YOU MAY ALSO LIKE
> * Top 11 Hottest Black Capes-- Very Bad Girls That Make Evil Look Very Good!
> * This Toaster Became Sentient-- You Won't Believe What Happened Next!
> * This Video Will Change Everything You Thought You Knew About Videos
> That Change Everything You Thought You Knew About Videos That Change
> Everything You Thought You Knew

XD XD XD <3

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron has his own theory u.U